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Title: Aprés Tour Part 1
Author: icebear_cw
Fandom: Cycling
Pairing: Jan Ullrich/Alexandre Vinokurov
Timeline: shortly after the Tour 2005
Rating: PG 13
Disclaimer: Not mine, not real, did not happen.
Notes: This story is for S.
I am sorry but this is not exactly betaed, so all faults are mine.
That’s it. It’s over. Third and it could have been better if only you…. No not really but no sense in thinking about it now. Not only the Tour is over though. Everything is as it seems. He is not even looking at you. Not since yesterday. He was as far away on the podium as he could possibly manage. And it hurts. Really hurts, because you have no idea why. Why all of the sudden he decided it to be over. He never even talked to you.
He just announced it to the whole damn team. That he is leaving. Of course it does not necessarily mean that everything is… Over.. or solved or anything. You just have the feeling that he not only meant that he is leaving the team. But you as well. You tried to talk to him but he just shook his head, asked why you care and that you have a new bitch you can use. Yes, he actually said bitch even though it sounded better in French. You wanted to hit him then, only his damn puppy-dog look restrained you from doing so.
And to be honest you kind of expected that. You can’t explain why though. He was okay as long as it was Gaby and no one else. But now.. now he seems to be pissed off. As if he expected something else. As if he hadn’t known. But everyone on the team knew what was going on. You love her. It was love on the first sight but that doesn’t mean you want to lose him over that. It sounds egoistic and mean. You know that but he isn’t different. He has a family as well. You two never really cared about that during all the time you have been doing… whatever you have been doing. You are not quite sure what exactly that is. Friends with benefits sounds like a cliché, it probably is one. And it is much more like that. But you wouldn’t call it love. That would go way too far, for both of you. He told you once.
So you are kind of helpless now. You don’t know how to reach him when he is like that. You don’t know how to talk to him, how to make him talk to you. That is frustrating and infuriating. You don’t know what he thinks or thought when he made the decision without you. Without even asking you. It’s your life as well he is affecting.
You should listen to yourself. The plain egoism makes even you sick but you don’t care because even you are allowed to be selfish and to wallow in self-pity. Him leaving the team means that you won’t see each other a lot anymore. No training together anymore, no team camps or holidays together in-between races. Of course you will miss that and the whole meaning of it will probably catch up with you in the next days, but right now you are just angry and hurt.
Suddenly you wish the drive home wouldn’t take so long. You want to be where you can forget everything. You don’t want to think right now. You want to flee. And most of all you want to be away from him. Or close. You want to hit him, scream at him for what he is doing to you. For making you question your life, your decisions. You want to snuggle up to him, kiss him and just be with him. But that won’t happen any time soon. You just remember the look he gave you and you are sure it will never be the same again. You are sure it is over. You think it has been for quite some time.
You don’t know what’s wrong but you seriously doubt you are yourself today. You can’t quite remember most of the ride home and your actually are a bit stunned that your hotel room door is suddenly in your way. You blink and actually jump when his hand lands on your shoulder. This is surreal. Everything. And it has been since you stepped off the podium yesterday. He smiles gently. And this has never been a good sign.
The soft touch of his lips first on your cheek and then on your own lips seal everything. And you don’t do a single thing to stop it. To stop everything from breaking apart. Because you know you can’t. Because you know it is better this way. The last thing you see of him is his soft blonde hair sticking up at the back of his head. Sticking up because your hand had combed through it just seconds ago. When your back hits the door behind you, you wake up again. But he is gone. Where to you don’t know and you fight down the impulse to follow him. To seek him out. And you realize that you should have done that earlier. That you probably should have followed him the last time he left your room, told him what you really feel. What you want.
It’s too late now.
Author: icebear_cw
Fandom: Cycling
Pairing: Jan Ullrich/Alexandre Vinokurov
Timeline: shortly after the Tour 2005
Rating: PG 13
Disclaimer: Not mine, not real, did not happen.
Notes: This story is for S.
I am sorry but this is not exactly betaed, so all faults are mine.
That’s it. It’s over. Third and it could have been better if only you…. No not really but no sense in thinking about it now. Not only the Tour is over though. Everything is as it seems. He is not even looking at you. Not since yesterday. He was as far away on the podium as he could possibly manage. And it hurts. Really hurts, because you have no idea why. Why all of the sudden he decided it to be over. He never even talked to you.
He just announced it to the whole damn team. That he is leaving. Of course it does not necessarily mean that everything is… Over.. or solved or anything. You just have the feeling that he not only meant that he is leaving the team. But you as well. You tried to talk to him but he just shook his head, asked why you care and that you have a new bitch you can use. Yes, he actually said bitch even though it sounded better in French. You wanted to hit him then, only his damn puppy-dog look restrained you from doing so.
And to be honest you kind of expected that. You can’t explain why though. He was okay as long as it was Gaby and no one else. But now.. now he seems to be pissed off. As if he expected something else. As if he hadn’t known. But everyone on the team knew what was going on. You love her. It was love on the first sight but that doesn’t mean you want to lose him over that. It sounds egoistic and mean. You know that but he isn’t different. He has a family as well. You two never really cared about that during all the time you have been doing… whatever you have been doing. You are not quite sure what exactly that is. Friends with benefits sounds like a cliché, it probably is one. And it is much more like that. But you wouldn’t call it love. That would go way too far, for both of you. He told you once.
So you are kind of helpless now. You don’t know how to reach him when he is like that. You don’t know how to talk to him, how to make him talk to you. That is frustrating and infuriating. You don’t know what he thinks or thought when he made the decision without you. Without even asking you. It’s your life as well he is affecting.
You should listen to yourself. The plain egoism makes even you sick but you don’t care because even you are allowed to be selfish and to wallow in self-pity. Him leaving the team means that you won’t see each other a lot anymore. No training together anymore, no team camps or holidays together in-between races. Of course you will miss that and the whole meaning of it will probably catch up with you in the next days, but right now you are just angry and hurt.
Suddenly you wish the drive home wouldn’t take so long. You want to be where you can forget everything. You don’t want to think right now. You want to flee. And most of all you want to be away from him. Or close. You want to hit him, scream at him for what he is doing to you. For making you question your life, your decisions. You want to snuggle up to him, kiss him and just be with him. But that won’t happen any time soon. You just remember the look he gave you and you are sure it will never be the same again. You are sure it is over. You think it has been for quite some time.
You don’t know what’s wrong but you seriously doubt you are yourself today. You can’t quite remember most of the ride home and your actually are a bit stunned that your hotel room door is suddenly in your way. You blink and actually jump when his hand lands on your shoulder. This is surreal. Everything. And it has been since you stepped off the podium yesterday. He smiles gently. And this has never been a good sign.
The soft touch of his lips first on your cheek and then on your own lips seal everything. And you don’t do a single thing to stop it. To stop everything from breaking apart. Because you know you can’t. Because you know it is better this way. The last thing you see of him is his soft blonde hair sticking up at the back of his head. Sticking up because your hand had combed through it just seconds ago. When your back hits the door behind you, you wake up again. But he is gone. Where to you don’t know and you fight down the impulse to follow him. To seek him out. And you realize that you should have done that earlier. That you probably should have followed him the last time he left your room, told him what you really feel. What you want.
It’s too late now.
