![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Title: Poor Twisted me
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
the_milky_way
Fandom: F1
Rating: PG 13
Pairings: Fernando Alonso/Lewis Hamilton
Summary: uhm... there doesn't happen much but it's some kind of morning-after story.
Beta: Thank you,parka_girl
Disclaimer: Not real, didn't happen.
Notes: I actually wanted to write this pairing as a Christmas present for J, but then this turned into something more and longer than I ever thought it would.
Anyway, the original story isn't finished yet but I had this idea in my mind and I just wrote it down. It can be seen as some kind of sequel to the story I am still working on but it can very much stand alone.
parka_girl though said it isn't confusing, so... there you go.
Song: Metallica's "Poor twisted me"
Poor Twisted Me
Oh poor twisted me
I feast on sympathy
As far as ‘morning afters’ go, this might be the one version he never expected to happen. Or, well, the version he never imagined himself to act out. It can almost be called pathetic, the way he left the house just half an hour ago. Secretly, silently slipping out of bed, the room and then out the door. Like a real man after a night of fun. Only it wasn’t just fun, but instead one of the best nights in his life. He doesn’t even know why he felt that he had to be somewhere else. Somewhere which wasn’t the bed with the warm and really, really gorgeous body he spent previous night with in it.
This sudden urge to be away isn’t logical, this much he knows. And he might be okay with being called a coward, even if he sees himself as just a fool. And he thinks that getting time to think, even if he sneaked out of the house to do it, is is a valid reason for doing the sneaking in the first place. So he foolishly hopes for less punishment once the jury is back from sleeping like the dead.
He is young, so he thinks he should be allowed to make mistakes and have stupid sudden impulses. And he needs a little time and space right now. Just to think, to sort things out in his head. But he does feel stupid for making it look like he fled. It is highly pathetic of him, and he is aware of that, wondering if maybe he should have left a note. He snorts at the thought of placing a note on his empty pillow and at the look it might have gotten if it had been there. Not gonna happen. Ever.
It’s not even like that. At least it wasn’t until yesterday. Leaving notes to say where he was had been was out of question until last night. He wouldn't have even thought of it. Which makes him wonder why he is thinking of it now. Does contemplating leaving a note on a pillow constitute a next step in a relationship?
They have fun. Meet up and fool around. It is something he wanted, still wants and will take as much as he can get out of it. He could even say he fought for it. And they feel good together, enjoy what they have. Rules were set at the beginning and he can live with that. This, whatever it is, is important to him. Of course he hopes he isn’t the only one feeling that way.
They never talk about it, though. There never was any indication that it was necessary. That’s probably why he wasn’t prepared for last night. He hates not being prepared with a vengeance. It throws him and he's always had a hard time dealing with unforeseen things. Not the best feature for a race car driver. And really not the best feature for dealing with anything remotely resembling relationship problems.
So last night they had talked. A lot. Save for the making out in between and the act of consuming food, they had talked almost all night. The only thing that really has him reeling is that he didn't started it. He had never expected not to be the one making the next step, or that there even would be a next step to take.
Considering all that, he thinks he actually has a reason to be standing at the shore of a little lake, a place he might call one of his favorites in the world. Or would, if his mind could stop switching back to the warm bed in his bedroom every time he comes even close to picturing favourite places. And contemplating favourite places right after he sneaked out of said bed and bedroom, might be a sign for the state of his mind. Or it may be just his sub-consciousness telling him to suck it up and get back to where he belongs. He is not sure yet, but he is slightly leaning towards the latter.
Being out here, alone and not yet freezing but actually feeling good in the crisp morning air makes him smile. It took him a while to find this little hiding place, but now he is convinced he made the right choice by moving here instead of the huge chalet his father had in mind. The lake is surrounded by big trees, finely groomed bushes and soft green grass. He likes to think of it as woods but it’s just a small park, way too close to real life and the noises the come with it. But it’s as close to nature as he can get around here without endangering himself. He never was the type for camping or playing Boy Scout, so real nature; the wild type; kind of scares him.
+++
I drown without a sea
I’m filled with sorrow
Once filled with misery
Sometimes, though, he likes to pretend he's hidden away or lost in it, cut off from the world, from reality. This place seems to be perfect for thinking, for being in moods, for dealing with things. At least during the times he is feeling up to being alone or wants to think things over and is not feeling too sorry for himself. Every other time it’s rather depressing.
The lake and the park are included in his morning routine; no one is ever around at the time he gets up. Another reason why he chose to walk here this morning instead of just simply getting out of bed and moping in the kitchen or somewhere else in the house.
Running or even just walking by the water. This place here allows him to think, to calm down. It’s more than he had in England. A way to find his inner resting place. He had always snorted at that, every time his first personal trainer (or however you want to call him) said something esoteric-sounding, he couldn’t help it but giggle. And every single time he had been called a child for it. After moving here, discovering the place and finding a certain state of mind, he feels a bit sorry. But only just a tiny bit because that guy had been a major jerk.
This is the first time, though, that he hasn’t done anything but stand and watch the water. He isn’t thinking much right now, even though that’s why he came out here in the first place. He watches instead. He can’t help but sigh every so often; it makes him feel a little bit pathetic.
Life isn’t bad, it just has turns, twists and features he can’t predict or knows how to handle. The one thing he does know though is that sneaking away is probably the dumbest thing he did this morning. Going out without his mittens was the second dumbest. His fingers are starting to feel numb. His breath forms small clouds when he sighs and breathes out. It’s getting colder every day and he wonders if he will be able to run when snow is covering the tracks around the lake. It will be his first winter here.
And really, this whole situation is so clichéd that he has to smile. Everything sounds so much like a one of those Harlequin romance novels his ex-girlfriend used to read that he has to bite his cheek to stop giggling. He feels better, not that he felt bad in the first place. He wonders if he's waiting for a knight in shining armor or just for the other shoe to drop. Because if he is honest with himself, that is the real problem here. He is waiting for something bad to happen because the last days just have been too good to be true.
+++
To finally reach the shore
Survive the storm
“You know... you really should work on your bedside manners.”
He doesn’t jump, doesn’t twitch. He stays calm, eyes on the water and… feels safe. That’s not really what he had expected. It is almost like his mind and body were waiting for the other one to show up. He turns his head and smiles. It seems such a simple thing to do but he immediately knows it is right. The frown on the other face does not disappear but it gentles considerably.
“Freaking out?”
“I guess I was. Until a minute ago at least. Or close to it.”
“Not anymore?”
“No. I am just being an idiot.”
“Regrets.”
“No. None.”
No, he does not regret anything. Never thought about it that way and he is sure he never will think about it that way. He just isn’t sure if they have a chance and that makes him feel uneasy and slightly more dizzy than anything they have said and done in the last days and nights. And he has to admit; he had been thinking about how it wouldn’t be all that bad if this ‘thing’ turns into more. He just never allowed himself to really think about it. Not with them not really talking. Last night had given him the opportunity to really go through all the what ifs and maybs, and it might have all been a bit much to take in all at once. Adding the fear of it all not being real, or a joke, he just needed to be away for a while.
“Okay. So… if you aren’t freaking out what are you doing out here besides being an idiot?”
“Trying not to freak out?”
There is a snort and he has to laugh as well. This is easier than he thought. Just simple company. They are calm and it feels good. And he has no idea why he thought it would be different.
“Thinking. I guess. Well, more like trying to figure things out. You know life altering stuff.… or well no, not really. I was actually just trying to figure what this place will be like in winter and if I will still be able to run around.” He stops. And he knows he is red. “Uh… run around the lake I mean.”
He feels foolish, kind of idiotic. The chuckle coming from next to him makes him smile though. Because really, everything he says now can’t be anymore closer to actual rambling. He hopes it will make more sense though.
“You finished with that? Because I actually think being out here isn’t doing any good. At least not for your thinking abilities.”
“Hey!” He wants to sound indignant but only manages a squeak and a snort. So to emphasize that he really doesn’t think it is all that funny, he punches the nearest arm he can reach. To his own surprise he doesn’t miss.
“Has anybody ever told you that you think too much?”
It’s hard to suppress the snort but he can feel the smile on his lips. “Okay, it’s safe to say I have never been accused of doing that. I have been accused of thinking not at all. But too much? No.”
That gets him another chuckle and an actual pat on the back. It feels good. They have never been overly affectionate with each other, especially not outside a bedroom or a private sphere. He is surprised how much he longs for the touch, how much he wants it to last longer but he knows it won’t.
They are not like that. But it’s good to know though that he can get all the supports he needs out of one simple touch. It has nothing to do with being a man or with being afraid to come across as girlie. He does like to cuddle and hug occasionally. He just knows that grand gestures aren’t really needed between the both of them.
And then they are not touching anymore, but they are standing close. He feels the warmth coming from the body next to him and he thinks he doesn’t mind it happening more often in the future. The sun is higher up the sky and more of the lake is bathed in light, the shadows creeping back more and more. If that isn’t a good metaphor for this thing going on here he doesn’t know what might be. He tries to hold back another snort and almost chokes on it.
“You are okay, right?”
It makes him look away from the water and the shimmering waves. He looks up into the face he had been dreaming about for almost all season. The frown has increased again and it has his heart beating just a little bit faster. It’s an impulse, one he has never followed before in public but right now he just has to. He leans over and kisses smooth, warm lips, smiling softly. Just the barest of a touch. It’s enough for now.
“Yes. I am fine. Just a bit cold.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have run off without the mittens. Again.”
They both snort.
“Ready to head back?”
He is. Not because he is cold and close to shivering but because he actually has no reason to be out here anymore. All he needed was some time for himself, some time to get some distance, to calm down. And he needed to be found. It doesn’t make much sense to him but he feels like going back together says much more about them than anything they have ever said to each other.
They are half way down the slope which leads back out of the park and to his new home when he thinks back to the questions he has wanted to ask since the other one showed up.
“Nando?”
“Yes?”
“How did you know where I was? You know, where you should look for me?”
The smile he gets is mischievous, so much that he expects a smart as answer to follow it. But to his surprise; there is no ‘who says I was looking for you’ or some other smartass attempt at a joke. Instead the smile even grows and he can’t help but smile back.
“Lewis. You have been sneaking off every morning since I have been here. Did you really think I wouldn’t know where you went off?”
“I wasn’t sneaking off.” Okay, so that is a lie. And judging by the raised eyebrow and the frown Fernando is giving him they both know it.
“Not the other days. I always run in the morning. And I thought about leaving a note… Uhm”
“Leaving a note? Okay, I can see how that threw you into a crisis so that you had to sneak out this morning without doing so.”
He is not the only one trying to diffuse the situation with humor as it seems, even though it might actually be meant seriously. He doesn’t know and that is one of the things which still throw him from time to time. Sometimes he just doesn’t know if it is meant they way it was said or if there is some hiding meaning behind it. Might be another reason why last night seemed so out of the blue. He just doesn’t know how to take it, how to take Fernando sometimes.
“So just today? What’s so different today?”
He feels the next ramble bubble up and fights hard to suppress it.
“Something. Just something is… and I don’t know. I just needed some time to sort it out. And… where did last night come from?”
Sliding both hands through hair, gripping it tightly and scratching behind one ear is a habit he has gotten used to. He has been seeing it since the first time he met Fernando. It took some close observation and getting to know the other man. It’s a sign that Fernando is nervous and doesn’t really now how to breach a topic or how to start talking at all. So he is preparing for some long winded speech which doesn’t solve anything and leaves him reeling again. Because that would be so much like Fernando.
But after last night he shouldn’t be so surprised to see the almost embarrassed smile garcing the smooth lips he wants to kiss again. Embarrassment isn’t something he sees often on Fernando’s face and if than it usually has something to do with a prank the Finns have pulled or Trulli feeling like sharing sordid details of earlier seasons. Seeing it now in this situation makes him curious and wonder if he wants to know at all.
“I might have talked to someone.”
“Talked to someone?”
“Yes, you know… this thing you do with your mouth where sounds come out and it’s used to communicate?”
“That can be used as a definition of every thing we have done the last days as well you know.”
It makes him feel warm to see that he can make Fernando laugh like that.
“So who did you talk to.”
The embarrassment is back, which makes him twitchy. It can’t be that bad, can it?
“Uhm… Heikki? Maybe even Kimi?”
It’s said like a question but he knows it’s not meant to be one. He is too busy laughing anyway to actually comment on it.
“You.. Heikki. You talked to Heikki to get what? Relationship advice? What the hell did they tell you anyway? To just suck it up and spring it on me? Or was that all you?”
He is still giggling, and yes he will deny it later, but this is just too good to care if he sounds like a dork. Fernando actually smiles at him and he doesn’t feel all too bad about laughing at him. Them there is an arm around his shoulder and he leans against the body, calming down.
“Well, it was… I don’t know. It was actually Kimi who said I should just tell you… even if we.. no, even if I don’t really know how to talk about stuff like that.”
“You mean feelings?”
“Yeah. … Uhm… Heikki was all set to come up with a huge plan and we both now how those work out. Kimi just said I should go with the situation if…”
The last part is almost mumbled into his hair but he still hears it well enough to be amused and shocked at the same time. It is strange to realise how alike they actually are when it comes to their ‘thing’.
“You know, talking might be a good concept for the future. You weren’t anywhere near losing me. Even though I suspect Kimi just wanted to shock you into action. And man, I can’t believe you asked the Finns for advice.”
“What? It worked, didn’t it?”
“Guess so. Not a joke then?”
“Nope.”
“You mean it?”
“Yes, Lewis. Can we now maybe not talk about it anymore? I think I have done enough talking last night and managed to even shock you into sneaking out this morning. Please let’s go back inside. Pretty please?”
“Yeah. Yeah sure. But you do know that we have to have a serious talk about what to do with the Finns and what not to do with them? Right?”
“Fine.” It’s grumbled and so much like the Fernando he got to know the last year that he knows they are okay.
They are almost back at the door when Fernando slips his arm lower, down to his waist and steers him towards the summer terrace on the lower level of the house. Some part of the park is visible from there and even a little edge of the lake. Fernando picks up some stuff they had left there the previous night and turns to really get back into the house. He lets Fernando steer him again because he actually likes being manhandled from time to time. The view reminds him though and he can’t help but ask again, because he is curious.
“You know, you never told me how you knew where I was. I know the park isn’t far but I would have known if you followed me. So how?”
“I called Nick.”
“You called my brother to ask where I am? Man, what is it with you suddenly asking others how to deal with me? Be happy my dad didn’t pick up.”
“You are aware that your brother has a cell phone of his own, right? And I don’t know, maybe you are just way too much for me to take on alone?”
“You didn’t complain last night. And seriously, do I want to know how you got the number?”
“Probably not. I know your hiding spot now.”
“I don’t mind.”
And he really, really doesn’t.
“Let’s get inside. I think the bed is lonely. And I need food.”
He just nods, there are no words needed.
With a last look at the lake he smiles and leans into the hand on his back.
Now you're bare and cold
The sea was warm
So warm, you bathe your soul again
Good to see my friend
Author:
the_milky_wayFandom: F1
Rating: PG 13
Pairings: Fernando Alonso/Lewis Hamilton
Summary: uhm... there doesn't happen much but it's some kind of morning-after story.
Beta: Thank you,
parka_girlDisclaimer: Not real, didn't happen.
Notes: I actually wanted to write this pairing as a Christmas present for J, but then this turned into something more and longer than I ever thought it would.
Anyway, the original story isn't finished yet but I had this idea in my mind and I just wrote it down. It can be seen as some kind of sequel to the story I am still working on but it can very much stand alone.
parka_girl though said it isn't confusing, so... there you go.Song: Metallica's "Poor twisted me"
Poor Twisted Me
Oh poor twisted me
I feast on sympathy
As far as ‘morning afters’ go, this might be the one version he never expected to happen. Or, well, the version he never imagined himself to act out. It can almost be called pathetic, the way he left the house just half an hour ago. Secretly, silently slipping out of bed, the room and then out the door. Like a real man after a night of fun. Only it wasn’t just fun, but instead one of the best nights in his life. He doesn’t even know why he felt that he had to be somewhere else. Somewhere which wasn’t the bed with the warm and really, really gorgeous body he spent previous night with in it.
This sudden urge to be away isn’t logical, this much he knows. And he might be okay with being called a coward, even if he sees himself as just a fool. And he thinks that getting time to think, even if he sneaked out of the house to do it, is is a valid reason for doing the sneaking in the first place. So he foolishly hopes for less punishment once the jury is back from sleeping like the dead.
He is young, so he thinks he should be allowed to make mistakes and have stupid sudden impulses. And he needs a little time and space right now. Just to think, to sort things out in his head. But he does feel stupid for making it look like he fled. It is highly pathetic of him, and he is aware of that, wondering if maybe he should have left a note. He snorts at the thought of placing a note on his empty pillow and at the look it might have gotten if it had been there. Not gonna happen. Ever.
It’s not even like that. At least it wasn’t until yesterday. Leaving notes to say where he was had been was out of question until last night. He wouldn't have even thought of it. Which makes him wonder why he is thinking of it now. Does contemplating leaving a note on a pillow constitute a next step in a relationship?
They have fun. Meet up and fool around. It is something he wanted, still wants and will take as much as he can get out of it. He could even say he fought for it. And they feel good together, enjoy what they have. Rules were set at the beginning and he can live with that. This, whatever it is, is important to him. Of course he hopes he isn’t the only one feeling that way.
They never talk about it, though. There never was any indication that it was necessary. That’s probably why he wasn’t prepared for last night. He hates not being prepared with a vengeance. It throws him and he's always had a hard time dealing with unforeseen things. Not the best feature for a race car driver. And really not the best feature for dealing with anything remotely resembling relationship problems.
So last night they had talked. A lot. Save for the making out in between and the act of consuming food, they had talked almost all night. The only thing that really has him reeling is that he didn't started it. He had never expected not to be the one making the next step, or that there even would be a next step to take.
Considering all that, he thinks he actually has a reason to be standing at the shore of a little lake, a place he might call one of his favorites in the world. Or would, if his mind could stop switching back to the warm bed in his bedroom every time he comes even close to picturing favourite places. And contemplating favourite places right after he sneaked out of said bed and bedroom, might be a sign for the state of his mind. Or it may be just his sub-consciousness telling him to suck it up and get back to where he belongs. He is not sure yet, but he is slightly leaning towards the latter.
Being out here, alone and not yet freezing but actually feeling good in the crisp morning air makes him smile. It took him a while to find this little hiding place, but now he is convinced he made the right choice by moving here instead of the huge chalet his father had in mind. The lake is surrounded by big trees, finely groomed bushes and soft green grass. He likes to think of it as woods but it’s just a small park, way too close to real life and the noises the come with it. But it’s as close to nature as he can get around here without endangering himself. He never was the type for camping or playing Boy Scout, so real nature; the wild type; kind of scares him.
I drown without a sea
I’m filled with sorrow
Once filled with misery
Sometimes, though, he likes to pretend he's hidden away or lost in it, cut off from the world, from reality. This place seems to be perfect for thinking, for being in moods, for dealing with things. At least during the times he is feeling up to being alone or wants to think things over and is not feeling too sorry for himself. Every other time it’s rather depressing.
The lake and the park are included in his morning routine; no one is ever around at the time he gets up. Another reason why he chose to walk here this morning instead of just simply getting out of bed and moping in the kitchen or somewhere else in the house.
Running or even just walking by the water. This place here allows him to think, to calm down. It’s more than he had in England. A way to find his inner resting place. He had always snorted at that, every time his first personal trainer (or however you want to call him) said something esoteric-sounding, he couldn’t help it but giggle. And every single time he had been called a child for it. After moving here, discovering the place and finding a certain state of mind, he feels a bit sorry. But only just a tiny bit because that guy had been a major jerk.
This is the first time, though, that he hasn’t done anything but stand and watch the water. He isn’t thinking much right now, even though that’s why he came out here in the first place. He watches instead. He can’t help but sigh every so often; it makes him feel a little bit pathetic.
Life isn’t bad, it just has turns, twists and features he can’t predict or knows how to handle. The one thing he does know though is that sneaking away is probably the dumbest thing he did this morning. Going out without his mittens was the second dumbest. His fingers are starting to feel numb. His breath forms small clouds when he sighs and breathes out. It’s getting colder every day and he wonders if he will be able to run when snow is covering the tracks around the lake. It will be his first winter here.
And really, this whole situation is so clichéd that he has to smile. Everything sounds so much like a one of those Harlequin romance novels his ex-girlfriend used to read that he has to bite his cheek to stop giggling. He feels better, not that he felt bad in the first place. He wonders if he's waiting for a knight in shining armor or just for the other shoe to drop. Because if he is honest with himself, that is the real problem here. He is waiting for something bad to happen because the last days just have been too good to be true.
To finally reach the shore
Survive the storm
“You know... you really should work on your bedside manners.”
He doesn’t jump, doesn’t twitch. He stays calm, eyes on the water and… feels safe. That’s not really what he had expected. It is almost like his mind and body were waiting for the other one to show up. He turns his head and smiles. It seems such a simple thing to do but he immediately knows it is right. The frown on the other face does not disappear but it gentles considerably.
“Freaking out?”
“I guess I was. Until a minute ago at least. Or close to it.”
“Not anymore?”
“No. I am just being an idiot.”
“Regrets.”
“No. None.”
No, he does not regret anything. Never thought about it that way and he is sure he never will think about it that way. He just isn’t sure if they have a chance and that makes him feel uneasy and slightly more dizzy than anything they have said and done in the last days and nights. And he has to admit; he had been thinking about how it wouldn’t be all that bad if this ‘thing’ turns into more. He just never allowed himself to really think about it. Not with them not really talking. Last night had given him the opportunity to really go through all the what ifs and maybs, and it might have all been a bit much to take in all at once. Adding the fear of it all not being real, or a joke, he just needed to be away for a while.
“Okay. So… if you aren’t freaking out what are you doing out here besides being an idiot?”
“Trying not to freak out?”
There is a snort and he has to laugh as well. This is easier than he thought. Just simple company. They are calm and it feels good. And he has no idea why he thought it would be different.
“Thinking. I guess. Well, more like trying to figure things out. You know life altering stuff.… or well no, not really. I was actually just trying to figure what this place will be like in winter and if I will still be able to run around.” He stops. And he knows he is red. “Uh… run around the lake I mean.”
He feels foolish, kind of idiotic. The chuckle coming from next to him makes him smile though. Because really, everything he says now can’t be anymore closer to actual rambling. He hopes it will make more sense though.
“You finished with that? Because I actually think being out here isn’t doing any good. At least not for your thinking abilities.”
“Hey!” He wants to sound indignant but only manages a squeak and a snort. So to emphasize that he really doesn’t think it is all that funny, he punches the nearest arm he can reach. To his own surprise he doesn’t miss.
“Has anybody ever told you that you think too much?”
It’s hard to suppress the snort but he can feel the smile on his lips. “Okay, it’s safe to say I have never been accused of doing that. I have been accused of thinking not at all. But too much? No.”
That gets him another chuckle and an actual pat on the back. It feels good. They have never been overly affectionate with each other, especially not outside a bedroom or a private sphere. He is surprised how much he longs for the touch, how much he wants it to last longer but he knows it won’t.
They are not like that. But it’s good to know though that he can get all the supports he needs out of one simple touch. It has nothing to do with being a man or with being afraid to come across as girlie. He does like to cuddle and hug occasionally. He just knows that grand gestures aren’t really needed between the both of them.
And then they are not touching anymore, but they are standing close. He feels the warmth coming from the body next to him and he thinks he doesn’t mind it happening more often in the future. The sun is higher up the sky and more of the lake is bathed in light, the shadows creeping back more and more. If that isn’t a good metaphor for this thing going on here he doesn’t know what might be. He tries to hold back another snort and almost chokes on it.
“You are okay, right?”
It makes him look away from the water and the shimmering waves. He looks up into the face he had been dreaming about for almost all season. The frown has increased again and it has his heart beating just a little bit faster. It’s an impulse, one he has never followed before in public but right now he just has to. He leans over and kisses smooth, warm lips, smiling softly. Just the barest of a touch. It’s enough for now.
“Yes. I am fine. Just a bit cold.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have run off without the mittens. Again.”
They both snort.
“Ready to head back?”
He is. Not because he is cold and close to shivering but because he actually has no reason to be out here anymore. All he needed was some time for himself, some time to get some distance, to calm down. And he needed to be found. It doesn’t make much sense to him but he feels like going back together says much more about them than anything they have ever said to each other.
They are half way down the slope which leads back out of the park and to his new home when he thinks back to the questions he has wanted to ask since the other one showed up.
“Nando?”
“Yes?”
“How did you know where I was? You know, where you should look for me?”
The smile he gets is mischievous, so much that he expects a smart as answer to follow it. But to his surprise; there is no ‘who says I was looking for you’ or some other smartass attempt at a joke. Instead the smile even grows and he can’t help but smile back.
“Lewis. You have been sneaking off every morning since I have been here. Did you really think I wouldn’t know where you went off?”
“I wasn’t sneaking off.” Okay, so that is a lie. And judging by the raised eyebrow and the frown Fernando is giving him they both know it.
“Not the other days. I always run in the morning. And I thought about leaving a note… Uhm”
“Leaving a note? Okay, I can see how that threw you into a crisis so that you had to sneak out this morning without doing so.”
He is not the only one trying to diffuse the situation with humor as it seems, even though it might actually be meant seriously. He doesn’t know and that is one of the things which still throw him from time to time. Sometimes he just doesn’t know if it is meant they way it was said or if there is some hiding meaning behind it. Might be another reason why last night seemed so out of the blue. He just doesn’t know how to take it, how to take Fernando sometimes.
“So just today? What’s so different today?”
He feels the next ramble bubble up and fights hard to suppress it.
“Something. Just something is… and I don’t know. I just needed some time to sort it out. And… where did last night come from?”
Sliding both hands through hair, gripping it tightly and scratching behind one ear is a habit he has gotten used to. He has been seeing it since the first time he met Fernando. It took some close observation and getting to know the other man. It’s a sign that Fernando is nervous and doesn’t really now how to breach a topic or how to start talking at all. So he is preparing for some long winded speech which doesn’t solve anything and leaves him reeling again. Because that would be so much like Fernando.
But after last night he shouldn’t be so surprised to see the almost embarrassed smile garcing the smooth lips he wants to kiss again. Embarrassment isn’t something he sees often on Fernando’s face and if than it usually has something to do with a prank the Finns have pulled or Trulli feeling like sharing sordid details of earlier seasons. Seeing it now in this situation makes him curious and wonder if he wants to know at all.
“I might have talked to someone.”
“Talked to someone?”
“Yes, you know… this thing you do with your mouth where sounds come out and it’s used to communicate?”
“That can be used as a definition of every thing we have done the last days as well you know.”
It makes him feel warm to see that he can make Fernando laugh like that.
“So who did you talk to.”
The embarrassment is back, which makes him twitchy. It can’t be that bad, can it?
“Uhm… Heikki? Maybe even Kimi?”
It’s said like a question but he knows it’s not meant to be one. He is too busy laughing anyway to actually comment on it.
“You.. Heikki. You talked to Heikki to get what? Relationship advice? What the hell did they tell you anyway? To just suck it up and spring it on me? Or was that all you?”
He is still giggling, and yes he will deny it later, but this is just too good to care if he sounds like a dork. Fernando actually smiles at him and he doesn’t feel all too bad about laughing at him. Them there is an arm around his shoulder and he leans against the body, calming down.
“Well, it was… I don’t know. It was actually Kimi who said I should just tell you… even if we.. no, even if I don’t really know how to talk about stuff like that.”
“You mean feelings?”
“Yeah. … Uhm… Heikki was all set to come up with a huge plan and we both now how those work out. Kimi just said I should go with the situation if…”
The last part is almost mumbled into his hair but he still hears it well enough to be amused and shocked at the same time. It is strange to realise how alike they actually are when it comes to their ‘thing’.
“You know, talking might be a good concept for the future. You weren’t anywhere near losing me. Even though I suspect Kimi just wanted to shock you into action. And man, I can’t believe you asked the Finns for advice.”
“What? It worked, didn’t it?”
“Guess so. Not a joke then?”
“Nope.”
“You mean it?”
“Yes, Lewis. Can we now maybe not talk about it anymore? I think I have done enough talking last night and managed to even shock you into sneaking out this morning. Please let’s go back inside. Pretty please?”
“Yeah. Yeah sure. But you do know that we have to have a serious talk about what to do with the Finns and what not to do with them? Right?”
“Fine.” It’s grumbled and so much like the Fernando he got to know the last year that he knows they are okay.
They are almost back at the door when Fernando slips his arm lower, down to his waist and steers him towards the summer terrace on the lower level of the house. Some part of the park is visible from there and even a little edge of the lake. Fernando picks up some stuff they had left there the previous night and turns to really get back into the house. He lets Fernando steer him again because he actually likes being manhandled from time to time. The view reminds him though and he can’t help but ask again, because he is curious.
“You know, you never told me how you knew where I was. I know the park isn’t far but I would have known if you followed me. So how?”
“I called Nick.”
“You called my brother to ask where I am? Man, what is it with you suddenly asking others how to deal with me? Be happy my dad didn’t pick up.”
“You are aware that your brother has a cell phone of his own, right? And I don’t know, maybe you are just way too much for me to take on alone?”
“You didn’t complain last night. And seriously, do I want to know how you got the number?”
“Probably not. I know your hiding spot now.”
“I don’t mind.”
And he really, really doesn’t.
“Let’s get inside. I think the bed is lonely. And I need food.”
He just nods, there are no words needed.
With a last look at the lake he smiles and leans into the hand on his back.
Now you're bare and cold
The sea was warm
So warm, you bathe your soul again
Good to see my friend
