![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Title:Falling
Author: icebear_cw
Fandom: The Cape
Pairing: Jack Riles/Zeke Beaumont
Rating: PG 13
Disclaimer: Not mine, not real, did not happen. I don't own them.
For C!
The sand is warm under his feet. The stars are bright and he can see the water from where he is sitting. It’s the first time in days, no weeks, that he has some minutes for himself. Everyone else is at the bar celebrating the last successful mission but he just wanted to get away earlier and literally fled. Away from the center, from all the problems complicating his life right now. He even admits to himself that being with the team is very very low on his list right now. And he doesn’t even know why.
Maybe it is the messed up training or the situation with is brother. Or maybe just maybe he is about to break down over the fact that he is silently pinning away like a love sick teenager. Not that he wants to. It is barely anything more than casual and he had agreed to not let it go any further. But most of the times these days he asks himself why he had been that stupid. He should have known it wouldn’t work out. It was like him, to fall for someone so fast. And he already already knows that he is indeed falling. He just doesn’t want to face it. Not yet anyway. Placing his head on his knees he tries to drown out the noise coming from the bar behind the dunes.
Racking hands through his hair he feels the dampness and curses the Florida heat again. He loves Florida but he certainly can go without the heat. He feels the heat shift. Another kind of heat and he doesn’t need to look up to see who it is. He knows this heat and sometimes he asks himself if he probably knows it too good. Too good for his own sake. Because it is affecting his work, his training, his thinking. And that wasn’t exactly something which would help to put him back into the good graces of his bosses.
They sit in silence for a while, he is not sure how long but the music has changed to some slower tunes and he knows the girls have taken over. And that means most of the guys are plastered enough to let it happen. He smiles against his elbow and hopes that they won’t talk. The Talk, with a capital T, has been on the horizon for some time now. He is fairly certain that it will end everything, call it off, whatever it really was. The strange impulse to lean closer to the other man, the urge to delay every word which might be lingering somewhere between them surges through him and he just knows it is insane. He later will blame the heat and exhaustion, emotional as well as physical one.
He knows what to expect but the simple fact that the other one had noticed him not being there to celebrate and then went searching for him throws him off. If only slightly but it does because it is unusual.
The hand on his back almost sends him flying across half the beach and if it isn’t for the other hand on his arm he surely had jumped.
“Hey there.. Calm down.”
Now he looks up and he is not sure what kind of expression is showing on his face but it must clearly surprise the other man because he is faced by raised eyebrows and an insecure smile. The sand on his feet is suddenly much more interesting.
“You know, I am not that much of a macho or bastard as you think I am. I do care.”
“’Bout what?” And apparently his prayers of postponing the Talk are not likely to be answered tonight. He sighs, rubs his eyes and finally looks up again at the man sitting right next to him. And he really is not expecting him to be that close.
“You.”
It is not a question just a fact stated and he blinks. It was too much. Way too much to process right there and then. He is not used to that. Not used to the openness meeting him, usually this man is closed off, has walls around him as high as the rockets they frequently tie their asses on. And really , it scares him.
“Me?”
The sigh directly next to his ear indicates that they are even closer now and he does not know what to do, how to react. Suddenly he feels the warm sand again, sees the stars clearer and decides that just for this one night he will not care. Not care about the center, the training, his brother and most importantly not about what others might think. He decides that he wants to do something for himself tonight and with that he leans closer until his is practically lying in the other man’s arms.
It earns him another sigh and for a second he fears he has done it all wrong again. As usual. But then arms come around him. Tears are somewhere behind his closed eyelids but he knows he will not spill them. Not tonight. He feels safe, relaxed even. All the tension drains out of him and he realizes how tired he actually is. And that he craved for the touch, for the man.
“It’s been tough lately.”
He feels the rumble against his back and shivers slightly. Then he nods for no reason. He knows it wasn’t a question but still feels like answering.
“I do care. You know that.”
He nods again, eyes still closed, on the edge of falling asleep. The slow music drifting over isn’t much help with staying awake. The heat and warmth of the body behind him lull him into a daze. The steady rise and fall of the chest he is propped up against, the hand moving in slow circles on his belly, all that seems so normal right now. As if they don’t need to care of being found out. As if they are actually having or at least heading towards something more than just casual. But that’s just too much to think about right now, so he pushes it all back, way back into a corner of his mind. Later would still be time to think and talk. Not right now.
And then he destroys it all by saying: “Someone could see us.” A hitched breath and he knows the other one is thinking the same.
“Yeah… Don’t worry. Bull has them playin’ strip.”
He actually laughs at that.
“What and you are not in it? I thought you would love to see Tamara lose her attire.”
A snort and he is pulled even closer. The feeling of strong arms around him. He missed that in the last days.
“Are you mental Beaumont? I only would be there if you were playing.“ His head is tipped to the site by surprisingly gentle fingers and he looks up to see a smirk he hopes only he gets to see. “Got that?”
And again he can only nod. Because this whole situation is so damn surreal that it actually starts to make sense. They had done that before, but only when both of them were too exhausted from missions or training and only when no one was near Jack’s or his place. They had sat on the sand, watched the ocean or the stars and had talked. But never ever before had Jack actually comforted him in some way. There was sex, friendly talks, joking and drinking nights but never something close to comfort, no hugging, no gentle gestures. So something must be up, he just doesn’t get what it is.
He sits back slightly, looks at Jack and suddenly asks himself where his decision not to think tonight has taken off to. He smiles and gets one in return. A genuine one, not those Jack displays almost every time he is in *public*.
“What’s up Zeke?”
“Just wondering if you caught something on your last trip out.”
“How’s that?”
“You are acting strange.”
And Jack laughs. Really laughs. And he just doesn’t know what’s going on.
“Riles?”
“God, you really must be stressed out if you complain about me trying to comfort you. I mean come on do you really think I am that insensitive that I don’t see how out of it you are? Come on, we practically spent.. every night together. I must be blind not to see it. Just let me…try. I am not good at this. Never was. It’s weird, alright man. I get that. All this shit going on is dragging you down and I see it…. Well, hey I know how to be nice. Sometimes.”
“Am not complaining.” He knows he mumbles it but doesn’t care because if Jack realizes it who else had caught upon it? That is not good. Not at all. But still it doesn’t explain why Jack behaves the way he does right now.
“Hey Zeke..Look.. I know I have been kind of rude about the whole training mishap and yeah I just thought with everything going on I would actually try to be nice.”
“Nice huh?” He grins and this whole episode seems more and more like some kind of weird incidence which makes more sense by every minute going by. “I like you being nice Riles. Just… warn me next time. You kind of took me by surprise.”
”Scared you?”
“Kind of?”
“That a question Beaumont?” And there he is again, the Jack he knows, the Jack he can deal with. And then Jack draws him back into his arms. “Relax.. No one will see us.. Just for now.”
“We need to talk.”
“I know.” The hand goes back to combing though his hair and he closes his eyes again. “Just not tonight.”
The last thing he hears before drifting off is Bobby yelling, the music being turned up again and Jack cursing the sand in his pants.
TBC
Right on to part 2 then.
Note: This is all incredibly sappy, sorry. Not betaed though.
The sun set in front of him is something out of chick flicks or sappy Hollywood movies but certainly not something he cares about. It will be a freaking hot day again tomorrow, something else he’d rather live without. Not that he can do anything about it. There are few things he can influence, he has realized that during one of his trips out to the space. Usually he is quite convinced that his life is something he can influence or try to control the best way he knows. Fate, or the belief in it, is not a concept he particularly supports but he learned not to dismiss everything on the clear basis of his own beliefs. Lately though he started to doubt that anything is even remotely close to being influenced or even controlled by him, much less his own life.
He much more feels than hears the footsteps heading towards him, padding over the deck to the railing his leaning on. It’s been days since they saw 'really' each other for more than a few minutes in the hall way, stolen glances or kisses in the locker room, the mission and the training schedule are just nothing to support their.. thing. He still is not able to call it anything else. Not to himself and not to Zeke either. And he thinks he might have to talk about that soon. There is still so much unsolved and unclear hanging in the air that he rather not want to think about it. Not now at least.
He knows he should have talked to Zeke days ago, right after the party. It was the perfect moment. Maybe he knows that it is inevitable but still does everything to avoid it. He hates emotional moments. They are too draining and he is convinced he can use his energies in better ways. Maybe he even knows why he suddenly is so damn scared. He shifts slightly, feels the warm wood under his feet, lets his toes scrape over the surface.
Zeke is just standing there staring out at the ocean. He does not say a word, does not look at Jack. Just stands there next to him and stares. The tension, the air between them reminds Jack of the night almost two weeks ago when they had sat at the beach just enjoying to be close to each other. He wishes he could do that just now. It was easy. It was a way to avoid everything. To avoid talking, to avoid thinking about it. And really Jack has always been for the easy ways in life. But this time it seem like he will not get out of it easily. It surprises him that he doesn’t really want to.
“What’s wrong?”
Zeke’s tentative voice surprises him as well. He should be used to it by now but Zeke doesn’t use that often anymore when he is around him. So he knows something is up, he just isn’t sure if he is ready to deal with it. He knows he should answer, with words and not just with not saying anything at all. This can be an answer as well, just one he really doesn’t want to give. So he shrugs, turns half way to face Zeke and shrugs again.
“I couldn’t sleep. Just… Too much going on in my head.” He glances sideways and almost snorts at the worried look he gets. “Oh come on Beaumont, it’s not like I haven’t slept at all. Just not much. And I am on a leave anyway. You should be in bed, you are the one going up. So what are you doing here?”
This time it’s Zeke who shrugs and ducks his head. If Jack doesn’t know better he would say Zeke is blushing, like he was the first time they met or the first time they kissed or the first time at all. He forces himself not to think about that any further, wouldn’t do any good to the conversation lingering in the air. The sun is still up, not yet vanished, but not enough anymore to cast away all shadows on the deck. Zeke shrugs again and props himself up against the railing. Close to Jack but carefully not touching.
“Couldn't sleep either. I was..Lonely." Jacks lets the statement stand between them. Something else to talk about. Later. Later when he feels he can deal. When he is not drained from almost two weeks of double shifts and training. Instead he smiles a small smile. "Okay. Nice to know that I am a good lullaby. Go ahead and use me"
"are you trying to be nice again?”
He doesn’t know why but he has to laugh at that. It somehow turned into an inside joke between them. The others probably think they have gone nuts, not that this would be unusual or anything to wonder about. But Jack sometimes thinks Bull senses something or at least tries to figure out why Zeke has changed around him. If this should worry him or not he hasn’t decided yet. Bull is someone Jack can’t quite figure out. Sometimes he does things Jack would never have thought of him, on other days he is just the typical male American macho. But Bull at least seems to understand that Jack and Zeke have a good thing going on. Jack at least thinks it is a good thing. He smiles at Zeke. The smile he knows only Zeke gets to see. And he knows Zeke is aware of it as well.
“Maybe. You know I can be. Just.. go to bed Zeke. If not at your place then for God’s sake don’t make your 30 minute trip unworthy… Take mine. I won’t need it now.”
“Where is…?”
“Not here. School trip. Go ahead. You have to sleep you know. Or Bull will kick your ass again.”
Zeke nods slightly, a small smile tugging at his lips and Jack knows what he is thinking. Jack just knows it. They both do. It is just a cover. He does care about Zeke and he is worried that the younger man is not sleeping but right now this is slightly pushed into the back of his mind. Zeke is pushing closer instead of heading back into the house. His lower back almost curls around the railing and Jack wonders for a second if he’ll have to catch Zeke before he falls over it. Jack blinks against the sun, curses the Florida weather for the nth time and pulls Zeke even closer.
“We still should….” Silencing the younger man with a kiss has always been the best way, nothing is different this morning. Jack briefly wonders if it should be this easy, if it really should feel this right. Zeke moving into his arms kind of stops him from thinking at all. The railing dugs into his back, the deck boards scrape against his feet soles but he only feels the warm body in his arms. He suddenly feels tired as well. All the tension of the night, of tossing and turning, of thinking and re-thinking situations drops out of him. He feels his age but more so the ache somewhere in his chest. And the fact that all that happens when Zeke is close and safe in his arms, scares him all the more. He doesn’t want to think about it, doesn’t want to know why everything lately seems to be connected to Ezekiel Beaumont. And when names are omen, this one is a big fat neon sign right in front of him. He tires to tell himself that he can sleep pretty good without Zeke being there and that not seeing him properly for the last days had not such a big affect on him as he knows it had and still has. He fails. As he did the last times.
“Zeke? Come on, go to bed. Sleep is good you know.”
Zeke smiles, he can feel it on his lips, moves gently against him and draws back.
“’Kay. I don’t know why I suddenly listen to your orders Riles. But I am actually tired.”
Jack nods, grins and looks out at the ocean again. It looks bluer than before. He shakes his head slowly, to clear it, to sort his thoughts.
“We still should…”
“Talk. I know. Go to bed Zeke.”
“You do realize that you told me to go to bed for at least four times since I stepped on this deck? You sound like my mum when I was sick. I am actually all grown up know Jack. I mean I love it when you tell me to go to bed but…” Zeke shrugs again as if doesn’t know what he wants to say or as if he isn’t really sure that his words would be appropriate right now. That is one thing Jack actually admires at him, Zeke knows when to shut up and how to do it. Sometimes he does it way too good, the shutting up thing.
Jack laughs and nods. “You ever considered the possibility that I want you in my bed?”
“Uh… Yes?”
“That a question Beaumont?” Jack grins even more, remembers their conversation on the beach and he just knows Zeke hates it when he comes across as impossibly smug. Because Zeke actually has seen more of him than anybody else has in the recent years. And if that doesn’t scare him he doesn’t know what else should.
“We will talk. Later. Not now.” He holds up his hand to stop Zeke from protesting. “I know I have said that before. But.. please just, not now. I am tired, so are you. We will figure it out. Okay?”
He feels the nod against his shoulder and is amazed that he didn’t even see Zeke moving. He feels the buffs of breath on his neck, the low rumble of Zeke humming against his chest and his feels arms around his waist. Feeling safe is something Jack always dismissed as something unnecessary in his life, he lived good without feeling safe. Maybe this is the first time he is craving it, craving the safety he feels in Zeke’s arms. And it doesn’t throw him off that he isn’t the one always offering safety but receiving it instead. Not much at least. He is that much off a man that he can admit being a macho and feeling insecure at the same time. Bobby once said that is a sign of him being sure in his way of existing. Back then he had dismissed that as one of Bobby’s esoteric phases. Right now he thinks it might hold some truth.
Maybe all this is really just a part of him. It obviously it is but more than he ever thought it would be. This. The definition of it is still somewhere buried deep inside of him.
“Come on, let’s go inside.”
“Bed?”
And Jack is amazed again. Amazed at how fast Zeke manages it from being totally awake and alert to enter the first state of being asleep. Jack smiles. At Zeke. At the way they always seem to end up resolving nothing but still being happier than before. He smiles at himself and at the way Zeke is almost hanging in his arms.
He just smiles. Because he wants to.
“Yes. Bed.”
“You coming with me now?”
“Yeah, seems like you won’t go otherwise.”
A snort and a poke into his side, which actually makes him jump, and they are inside on their way to his bedroom.
“Maybe you are the one not being able to sleep without me Riles.”
“What makes you think that?”
“You started yawning the second you saw me. And I am not willing to see that as a sign of you being tired of me but rather as one of you being just tired.”
He tugs Zeke in, chugs his pants and crawls onto the bed. He knows the other one is half asleep already, drops a kiss on Zeke's sweaty cheek and closes his eyes.
“Smartass.”
“Jerk.
“Still love me though.”
“Yeah.”
TBC
Author: icebear_cw
Fandom: The Cape
Pairing: Jack Riles/Zeke Beaumont
Rating: PG 13
Disclaimer: Not mine, not real, did not happen. I don't own them.
For C!
The sand is warm under his feet. The stars are bright and he can see the water from where he is sitting. It’s the first time in days, no weeks, that he has some minutes for himself. Everyone else is at the bar celebrating the last successful mission but he just wanted to get away earlier and literally fled. Away from the center, from all the problems complicating his life right now. He even admits to himself that being with the team is very very low on his list right now. And he doesn’t even know why.
Maybe it is the messed up training or the situation with is brother. Or maybe just maybe he is about to break down over the fact that he is silently pinning away like a love sick teenager. Not that he wants to. It is barely anything more than casual and he had agreed to not let it go any further. But most of the times these days he asks himself why he had been that stupid. He should have known it wouldn’t work out. It was like him, to fall for someone so fast. And he already already knows that he is indeed falling. He just doesn’t want to face it. Not yet anyway. Placing his head on his knees he tries to drown out the noise coming from the bar behind the dunes.
Racking hands through his hair he feels the dampness and curses the Florida heat again. He loves Florida but he certainly can go without the heat. He feels the heat shift. Another kind of heat and he doesn’t need to look up to see who it is. He knows this heat and sometimes he asks himself if he probably knows it too good. Too good for his own sake. Because it is affecting his work, his training, his thinking. And that wasn’t exactly something which would help to put him back into the good graces of his bosses.
They sit in silence for a while, he is not sure how long but the music has changed to some slower tunes and he knows the girls have taken over. And that means most of the guys are plastered enough to let it happen. He smiles against his elbow and hopes that they won’t talk. The Talk, with a capital T, has been on the horizon for some time now. He is fairly certain that it will end everything, call it off, whatever it really was. The strange impulse to lean closer to the other man, the urge to delay every word which might be lingering somewhere between them surges through him and he just knows it is insane. He later will blame the heat and exhaustion, emotional as well as physical one.
He knows what to expect but the simple fact that the other one had noticed him not being there to celebrate and then went searching for him throws him off. If only slightly but it does because it is unusual.
The hand on his back almost sends him flying across half the beach and if it isn’t for the other hand on his arm he surely had jumped.
“Hey there.. Calm down.”
Now he looks up and he is not sure what kind of expression is showing on his face but it must clearly surprise the other man because he is faced by raised eyebrows and an insecure smile. The sand on his feet is suddenly much more interesting.
“You know, I am not that much of a macho or bastard as you think I am. I do care.”
“’Bout what?” And apparently his prayers of postponing the Talk are not likely to be answered tonight. He sighs, rubs his eyes and finally looks up again at the man sitting right next to him. And he really is not expecting him to be that close.
“You.”
It is not a question just a fact stated and he blinks. It was too much. Way too much to process right there and then. He is not used to that. Not used to the openness meeting him, usually this man is closed off, has walls around him as high as the rockets they frequently tie their asses on. And really , it scares him.
“Me?”
The sigh directly next to his ear indicates that they are even closer now and he does not know what to do, how to react. Suddenly he feels the warm sand again, sees the stars clearer and decides that just for this one night he will not care. Not care about the center, the training, his brother and most importantly not about what others might think. He decides that he wants to do something for himself tonight and with that he leans closer until his is practically lying in the other man’s arms.
It earns him another sigh and for a second he fears he has done it all wrong again. As usual. But then arms come around him. Tears are somewhere behind his closed eyelids but he knows he will not spill them. Not tonight. He feels safe, relaxed even. All the tension drains out of him and he realizes how tired he actually is. And that he craved for the touch, for the man.
“It’s been tough lately.”
He feels the rumble against his back and shivers slightly. Then he nods for no reason. He knows it wasn’t a question but still feels like answering.
“I do care. You know that.”
He nods again, eyes still closed, on the edge of falling asleep. The slow music drifting over isn’t much help with staying awake. The heat and warmth of the body behind him lull him into a daze. The steady rise and fall of the chest he is propped up against, the hand moving in slow circles on his belly, all that seems so normal right now. As if they don’t need to care of being found out. As if they are actually having or at least heading towards something more than just casual. But that’s just too much to think about right now, so he pushes it all back, way back into a corner of his mind. Later would still be time to think and talk. Not right now.
And then he destroys it all by saying: “Someone could see us.” A hitched breath and he knows the other one is thinking the same.
“Yeah… Don’t worry. Bull has them playin’ strip.”
He actually laughs at that.
“What and you are not in it? I thought you would love to see Tamara lose her attire.”
A snort and he is pulled even closer. The feeling of strong arms around him. He missed that in the last days.
“Are you mental Beaumont? I only would be there if you were playing.“ His head is tipped to the site by surprisingly gentle fingers and he looks up to see a smirk he hopes only he gets to see. “Got that?”
And again he can only nod. Because this whole situation is so damn surreal that it actually starts to make sense. They had done that before, but only when both of them were too exhausted from missions or training and only when no one was near Jack’s or his place. They had sat on the sand, watched the ocean or the stars and had talked. But never ever before had Jack actually comforted him in some way. There was sex, friendly talks, joking and drinking nights but never something close to comfort, no hugging, no gentle gestures. So something must be up, he just doesn’t get what it is.
He sits back slightly, looks at Jack and suddenly asks himself where his decision not to think tonight has taken off to. He smiles and gets one in return. A genuine one, not those Jack displays almost every time he is in *public*.
“What’s up Zeke?”
“Just wondering if you caught something on your last trip out.”
“How’s that?”
“You are acting strange.”
And Jack laughs. Really laughs. And he just doesn’t know what’s going on.
“Riles?”
“God, you really must be stressed out if you complain about me trying to comfort you. I mean come on do you really think I am that insensitive that I don’t see how out of it you are? Come on, we practically spent.. every night together. I must be blind not to see it. Just let me…try. I am not good at this. Never was. It’s weird, alright man. I get that. All this shit going on is dragging you down and I see it…. Well, hey I know how to be nice. Sometimes.”
“Am not complaining.” He knows he mumbles it but doesn’t care because if Jack realizes it who else had caught upon it? That is not good. Not at all. But still it doesn’t explain why Jack behaves the way he does right now.
“Hey Zeke..Look.. I know I have been kind of rude about the whole training mishap and yeah I just thought with everything going on I would actually try to be nice.”
“Nice huh?” He grins and this whole episode seems more and more like some kind of weird incidence which makes more sense by every minute going by. “I like you being nice Riles. Just… warn me next time. You kind of took me by surprise.”
”Scared you?”
“Kind of?”
“That a question Beaumont?” And there he is again, the Jack he knows, the Jack he can deal with. And then Jack draws him back into his arms. “Relax.. No one will see us.. Just for now.”
“We need to talk.”
“I know.” The hand goes back to combing though his hair and he closes his eyes again. “Just not tonight.”
The last thing he hears before drifting off is Bobby yelling, the music being turned up again and Jack cursing the sand in his pants.
TBC
Right on to part 2 then.
Note: This is all incredibly sappy, sorry. Not betaed though.
The sun set in front of him is something out of chick flicks or sappy Hollywood movies but certainly not something he cares about. It will be a freaking hot day again tomorrow, something else he’d rather live without. Not that he can do anything about it. There are few things he can influence, he has realized that during one of his trips out to the space. Usually he is quite convinced that his life is something he can influence or try to control the best way he knows. Fate, or the belief in it, is not a concept he particularly supports but he learned not to dismiss everything on the clear basis of his own beliefs. Lately though he started to doubt that anything is even remotely close to being influenced or even controlled by him, much less his own life.
He much more feels than hears the footsteps heading towards him, padding over the deck to the railing his leaning on. It’s been days since they saw 'really' each other for more than a few minutes in the hall way, stolen glances or kisses in the locker room, the mission and the training schedule are just nothing to support their.. thing. He still is not able to call it anything else. Not to himself and not to Zeke either. And he thinks he might have to talk about that soon. There is still so much unsolved and unclear hanging in the air that he rather not want to think about it. Not now at least.
He knows he should have talked to Zeke days ago, right after the party. It was the perfect moment. Maybe he knows that it is inevitable but still does everything to avoid it. He hates emotional moments. They are too draining and he is convinced he can use his energies in better ways. Maybe he even knows why he suddenly is so damn scared. He shifts slightly, feels the warm wood under his feet, lets his toes scrape over the surface.
Zeke is just standing there staring out at the ocean. He does not say a word, does not look at Jack. Just stands there next to him and stares. The tension, the air between them reminds Jack of the night almost two weeks ago when they had sat at the beach just enjoying to be close to each other. He wishes he could do that just now. It was easy. It was a way to avoid everything. To avoid talking, to avoid thinking about it. And really Jack has always been for the easy ways in life. But this time it seem like he will not get out of it easily. It surprises him that he doesn’t really want to.
“What’s wrong?”
Zeke’s tentative voice surprises him as well. He should be used to it by now but Zeke doesn’t use that often anymore when he is around him. So he knows something is up, he just isn’t sure if he is ready to deal with it. He knows he should answer, with words and not just with not saying anything at all. This can be an answer as well, just one he really doesn’t want to give. So he shrugs, turns half way to face Zeke and shrugs again.
“I couldn’t sleep. Just… Too much going on in my head.” He glances sideways and almost snorts at the worried look he gets. “Oh come on Beaumont, it’s not like I haven’t slept at all. Just not much. And I am on a leave anyway. You should be in bed, you are the one going up. So what are you doing here?”
This time it’s Zeke who shrugs and ducks his head. If Jack doesn’t know better he would say Zeke is blushing, like he was the first time they met or the first time they kissed or the first time at all. He forces himself not to think about that any further, wouldn’t do any good to the conversation lingering in the air. The sun is still up, not yet vanished, but not enough anymore to cast away all shadows on the deck. Zeke shrugs again and props himself up against the railing. Close to Jack but carefully not touching.
“Couldn't sleep either. I was..Lonely." Jacks lets the statement stand between them. Something else to talk about. Later. Later when he feels he can deal. When he is not drained from almost two weeks of double shifts and training. Instead he smiles a small smile. "Okay. Nice to know that I am a good lullaby. Go ahead and use me"
"are you trying to be nice again?”
He doesn’t know why but he has to laugh at that. It somehow turned into an inside joke between them. The others probably think they have gone nuts, not that this would be unusual or anything to wonder about. But Jack sometimes thinks Bull senses something or at least tries to figure out why Zeke has changed around him. If this should worry him or not he hasn’t decided yet. Bull is someone Jack can’t quite figure out. Sometimes he does things Jack would never have thought of him, on other days he is just the typical male American macho. But Bull at least seems to understand that Jack and Zeke have a good thing going on. Jack at least thinks it is a good thing. He smiles at Zeke. The smile he knows only Zeke gets to see. And he knows Zeke is aware of it as well.
“Maybe. You know I can be. Just.. go to bed Zeke. If not at your place then for God’s sake don’t make your 30 minute trip unworthy… Take mine. I won’t need it now.”
“Where is…?”
“Not here. School trip. Go ahead. You have to sleep you know. Or Bull will kick your ass again.”
Zeke nods slightly, a small smile tugging at his lips and Jack knows what he is thinking. Jack just knows it. They both do. It is just a cover. He does care about Zeke and he is worried that the younger man is not sleeping but right now this is slightly pushed into the back of his mind. Zeke is pushing closer instead of heading back into the house. His lower back almost curls around the railing and Jack wonders for a second if he’ll have to catch Zeke before he falls over it. Jack blinks against the sun, curses the Florida weather for the nth time and pulls Zeke even closer.
“We still should….” Silencing the younger man with a kiss has always been the best way, nothing is different this morning. Jack briefly wonders if it should be this easy, if it really should feel this right. Zeke moving into his arms kind of stops him from thinking at all. The railing dugs into his back, the deck boards scrape against his feet soles but he only feels the warm body in his arms. He suddenly feels tired as well. All the tension of the night, of tossing and turning, of thinking and re-thinking situations drops out of him. He feels his age but more so the ache somewhere in his chest. And the fact that all that happens when Zeke is close and safe in his arms, scares him all the more. He doesn’t want to think about it, doesn’t want to know why everything lately seems to be connected to Ezekiel Beaumont. And when names are omen, this one is a big fat neon sign right in front of him. He tires to tell himself that he can sleep pretty good without Zeke being there and that not seeing him properly for the last days had not such a big affect on him as he knows it had and still has. He fails. As he did the last times.
“Zeke? Come on, go to bed. Sleep is good you know.”
Zeke smiles, he can feel it on his lips, moves gently against him and draws back.
“’Kay. I don’t know why I suddenly listen to your orders Riles. But I am actually tired.”
Jack nods, grins and looks out at the ocean again. It looks bluer than before. He shakes his head slowly, to clear it, to sort his thoughts.
“We still should…”
“Talk. I know. Go to bed Zeke.”
“You do realize that you told me to go to bed for at least four times since I stepped on this deck? You sound like my mum when I was sick. I am actually all grown up know Jack. I mean I love it when you tell me to go to bed but…” Zeke shrugs again as if doesn’t know what he wants to say or as if he isn’t really sure that his words would be appropriate right now. That is one thing Jack actually admires at him, Zeke knows when to shut up and how to do it. Sometimes he does it way too good, the shutting up thing.
Jack laughs and nods. “You ever considered the possibility that I want you in my bed?”
“Uh… Yes?”
“That a question Beaumont?” Jack grins even more, remembers their conversation on the beach and he just knows Zeke hates it when he comes across as impossibly smug. Because Zeke actually has seen more of him than anybody else has in the recent years. And if that doesn’t scare him he doesn’t know what else should.
“We will talk. Later. Not now.” He holds up his hand to stop Zeke from protesting. “I know I have said that before. But.. please just, not now. I am tired, so are you. We will figure it out. Okay?”
He feels the nod against his shoulder and is amazed that he didn’t even see Zeke moving. He feels the buffs of breath on his neck, the low rumble of Zeke humming against his chest and his feels arms around his waist. Feeling safe is something Jack always dismissed as something unnecessary in his life, he lived good without feeling safe. Maybe this is the first time he is craving it, craving the safety he feels in Zeke’s arms. And it doesn’t throw him off that he isn’t the one always offering safety but receiving it instead. Not much at least. He is that much off a man that he can admit being a macho and feeling insecure at the same time. Bobby once said that is a sign of him being sure in his way of existing. Back then he had dismissed that as one of Bobby’s esoteric phases. Right now he thinks it might hold some truth.
Maybe all this is really just a part of him. It obviously it is but more than he ever thought it would be. This. The definition of it is still somewhere buried deep inside of him.
“Come on, let’s go inside.”
“Bed?”
And Jack is amazed again. Amazed at how fast Zeke manages it from being totally awake and alert to enter the first state of being asleep. Jack smiles. At Zeke. At the way they always seem to end up resolving nothing but still being happier than before. He smiles at himself and at the way Zeke is almost hanging in his arms.
He just smiles. Because he wants to.
“Yes. Bed.”
“You coming with me now?”
“Yeah, seems like you won’t go otherwise.”
A snort and a poke into his side, which actually makes him jump, and they are inside on their way to his bedroom.
“Maybe you are the one not being able to sleep without me Riles.”
“What makes you think that?”
“You started yawning the second you saw me. And I am not willing to see that as a sign of you being tired of me but rather as one of you being just tired.”
He tugs Zeke in, chugs his pants and crawls onto the bed. He knows the other one is half asleep already, drops a kiss on Zeke's sweaty cheek and closes his eyes.
“Smartass.”
“Jerk.
“Still love me though.”
“Yeah.”
TBC
