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A few weeks later things with Jared remain as they were when Jensen left their room that first day. Meaning that they don’t exist at all. Jared does his things and Jensen does his. The only time they really do something together is on the ice and during training sessions.
Jensen has to admit, even with all the other confusing things going on, that Jared's a brilliant player. He has a strategic mind and knows almost blindly when to pass the puck. But Jared just doesn’t really try to fit in, doesn’t try to be part of the team. And as captain it makes Jensen worry while leaving him a little annoyed after every training session.
The rink is not the place to have it out, Jensen knows that, so he lets Jared be. The thing is, Jensen can’t stop looking. He tries but never manages it. Jared is a sight to behold, on and off the ice. It makes Jensen all the more frustrated and a little sad that Jared’s so quiet and closed off.
There are no games yet. If there were Jensen can't even imagine how that would go.
Jensen tries to get Jared involved, he really does. He invites him along to team outings, to join Jensen during lunch, even asks him he wants to come along to one of Chris’ and Steve’s jam sessions. But Jared declines every single time.
Politely, never in a way that makes Jensen feel like it’s personal or something. And yet, with each passing day, Jensen realizes he doesn’t know his roommate.
He had to look into Jared’s file to see how old he is. 19.
That’s all he got to see before JD took the folder away, scowling slightly and yeah, Jensen still feels ashamed for doing it. But Jared’s age, well it surprised Jensen more than just a little because Jared seems so much older than his years.
There's something world wary about him and it’s nothing good. Jared seems suspicious of every nice thing someone does or says to him. As if he isn’t used to it. Jensen wants to grab him and demand answers every time he sees it. Then he wants to hug Jared and never let go.
Even Chad's already making fun of Jensen for being so spaced out during class and even starts laughing when Jensen accidentally lets his doodles be seen. So what? Jensen's apparently back in high school. And right now he’s at a point where he can’t be bothered to care.
He has a roommate he doesn’t really know and who seems to do everything he can to be elusive and remain a mystery. Jensen doesn’t know much about Jared’s family, only that they seem to call every weekend and that Jared always, really always, vanishes into the bathroom to talk to them.
Jensen only knows what Jared’s favorite color is because he keeps on watching Jared when he dresses. And yeah, he knows it sounds creepy but he can’t help himself. Not just in their room, but in the locker room too.
Because Jared's still stunning and easy on the eyes.
Jared also just vanishes every chance he gets and Jensen doesn’t know what he does when he isn’t around.
Jensen doesn’t know what kind of music Jared listens to because Jared always keeps the volume on his headphones very low. He doesn’t know what kind of books Jared likes because there aren’t any lying around and when he asks he only gets curt answers or single words thrown into his direction.
That’s another thing, Jared doesn’t talk.
Not to Jensen and, so it seems, not to anyone on the team either. It’s odd because Jensen sees him talking to random people all over campus, like the lady in the bakery or the guy who cleans the waste bins in the lecture rooms.
But not a single time Jensen sees Jared talking to people who might actually be close to him. You know, like teammates or roommates or even friends of roommates, not even his classmates. Nothing of that.
Jared's a mystery. So of course Jensen's intrigued.
Jensen's always liked a good mystery, one he can set his mind on solving. His AP Math teacher said so, too. That’s probably why Jensen is studying Digital Arts and Communication because he’s so good at listening to his teachers… not, he thinks with a chuckle.
Also, there is this little matter of the thing Jensen sort of might be feeling towards his rather cold and hostile roommate. Danneel keeps on calling it a crush. Jensen wouldn’t go as far.
Okay, so yeah he would because that’s what he's been thinking ever since that first day when his heart leaped in his chest and he felt like every single cliché of a moonstruck fool. He also rather wishes he’d never told Danneel about it in the first place. It gives her way to much fodder for mocking.
Jensen would call it all an infatuation if he could and not a crush. Because a crush is too big of a word. It would imply that he feels hurt by Jared’s silence or feels really creepy when he sneaks off into the bathroom to adjust himself after Jared undressed in their room. It also would imply that Jensen stares at Jared every chance he gets. And that’s not happening at all.
Except that it is.
There’s nothing Jensen can get from what Jared does, because Jared doesn’t do much around him. Jared’s things are neatly stacked away and he never lets anything lying around. Jared’s so different from Chad that Jensen sometimes even misses how chaotic his life was with Chad around.
Not that it’s any different now.
Chad’s still there and annoying the shit out of Jensen during classes or team parties he throws in the dorms, even though he doesn’t live there anymore. Jensen always ends up cleaning the up messes and consequently apologizing to Jared. For what exactly, Jensen has no idea. He only knows that he feels guilty every time Jared vanishes into their room during those parties and doesn’t come out until the last of their teammates are gone.
Last weekend Jensen even considered taking Jared along with him to Chris and Steve’s, had already told Danneel and Sophia to rescue him from Chad’s clutches but the second Jared saw Danneel he shut the door to their room right into Jensen’s face.
And Jensen can’t fucking figure out what that's all about.
He sees Jared around on campus, in courses and during training as well but Jared always keeps his distance. Jensen starts to think Jared might have problems connecting with people, until he thinks back how Jared grinned and smiled at him that first day and decides that can’t be it.
And then one day he sees Jared hanging around with Chad. With Chad of all people and he doesn’t know how or when that happened. Especially considering that Chad had been going on and on about how weird Jared is.
Jensen sees them at lunch together for an entire week before he musters up the courage to ask Chad about it. Of course he doesn’t go and ask straight away what’s going on, he goes on one of his rambling journeys and when he’s done Chad just stares at him.
“Really? You freak out because your roommate is weird and hangs out with me?”
Okay, when Chad puts it that way it does sound idiotic. Jensen blushes and doesn’t really know what to say. He just wants to get to know Jared but it seems like Jared doesn’t want that.
Chad actually huffs, rolls his eyes at Jensen and stalks off. Toward Jared, who’s hovering at the edge of the Higgins Stairs. He looks a little tired, even more worn than he did the first time Jensen saw him. And the theory about drugs suddenly seems to be more than just the joke Jensen thought it would be.
Jared doesn’t look at Jensen when Chad reaches him. Jensen has the sudden feeling that Chad’s talking shit about him. For Chad’s sake, he hopes it isn’t so.
Jensen has no idea how to reach out to Jared or how to make Chad talk some sense into him. Not that there needs to be sense talked into Jared, at least not as far as Jensen knows. But he needs Jared on the team and to be part of the team, because Jared, as it turns out, is rather crucial to their game.
And just last week JD made it abundantly clear that Jensen needs to have a team ready for the start of the season and not just good players in their position. But Jensen finds he's rather clueless about how to achieve that.
Another two weeks later and Jensen is at the end of his ropes. Kripke's riding his ass about some project that's due after Christmas but Jensen apparently has to work on now. JD, and really Jensen likes his coach a lot but right now he wants to strangle him, asks every single day how the team bonding is going.
Danneel is busy being… well being Danneel. She has set her mind on excelling in every single course she's taking. Which means she doesn’t have as much time as she used to and Jensen kind of misses her. He misses their talks and the way she could make him feel better with just one very pointy dig.
The thing is, Jensen has no freaking private life at all anymore, because for some reason every one thinks he’s the perfect guy to come to when they have problems. So he's been trying to solve things left and right and totally forgets about his own things. And that’s just his life.
He tries to get along with Jared as best as he can, and he’s getting used to not being talked to. But when he catches Jared jumping over the railing in their dorm and jumping down the steps instead of walking them he can’t say nothing. He doesn’t need Jared to injure himself even before the season has started. He needs Jared as a player.
"If Coach sees you like this you'll be on the bench, man." Jensen says the next time Jared jumps the steps instead of walking them. Jensen has to admit though that it looks easy and practiced as if Jared’s been doing it for quite a while. And Jensen thinks he’s seen those moves before, he just can’t remember when and where.
James Bond suddenly flashes up in Jensen’s mind. But nah, that would be... very strange. What exactly does Jared have to do with James Bond other than the fact that he apparently looks good in black, judging from the clinging black wife beater and jogging shorts?
"Yeah, so? Wouldn't be the first time." Jared snaps, eyes cold and waiting for Jensen to say the next inane thing. Jensen actually takes a step back. Right then, Jared looks really scary and Jensen rather not become the center of that.
He tries to talk anyway.
"Uh, you wanna talk about it?"
"No." And with that Jared is gone.
Asshole. No need to be rude if Jensen is being friendly for a minute. They'll never be friends. Not with things so abysmal like they seem to be. Jensen sighs. His life sucks right now. And no, he’s not a drama queen. Don’t listen to Danneel.
And of course his team isn’t doing any better. They're flailing around like toddlers on their first day on the ice. Players, who never showed such tendencies before, suddenly start fights with their own teammates. Everything seems to be falling apart before it's even started. And Jared's even more withdrawn than ever before.
Jensen has no idea what's going on.
So he does the only thing he can think of. He grabs Danneel and drags her off to get drunk. Steve and Chris have nothing against that plan and provide them with the perfect set up and supplies. Jensen even doesn’t mind Mike’s pink cocktails that evening. He just wants to get drunk and have one evening where he doesn’t think things are close to crashing down on him.
Maybe getting drunk was the stupidest idea he’s had in a while. Maybe.
It turns out that it's rather hard to climb stairs that appear double in front of him. Everything swims and he missteps a couple of times.
He shouldn’t have told Danneel and Sophia that he was fine, he obviously isn’t. He feels hot, sweaty and kinda rank, like he may have thrown up or something. His tongue feels all furry. And really, yuck. He just wants his bed right now. His fluffy pillow and maybe even some water.
He fumbles with the key, curses several times and then just lets his head thunk against the door. It’s a reasonable place to stay when the world is turning and twisting around you. Really.
Only then door opens and Jensen falls forward. He doesn’t even have time to flail his arms out to grab the door frame or something. So he just flails and lands against something very solid. Very solid and warm. It feels very familiar.
“Déja Vu.” He blurts against the soft fabric covering the solid wall his face is currently smashed against. He thinks it comes out like something similar to ‘dja view’ or something.
“What?” The solid wall moves beneath his cheek and there is amusement present as well. Something Jensen hadn’t counted on, at least not from his very own brick wall, also known as Jared. Oh he so hopes that it's Jared he's smashing his face against. Or you know, sort of nuzzling now.
Strong hands pull him upright, away from the warmth his cheek rested on. And the world is turning again. Jensen whimpers. This is so unfair. Jared’s chest was a perfect resting place. Jensen pouts. He knows he does, he can feel his lower lip sticking out.
“You a… ‘wake.” He yawns into Jared’s face. It’s a beautiful execution on drunken behavior and Jensen will kill himself for it tomorrow. Right now he either wants to sink back into Jared’s solidness or his own bed. It doesn't really matter which, just you know, sinking down somewhere would be nice.
“The way you've been cursing and banging around. Yeah, couldn’t help but wake up.” Jared frowns at him or Jensen thinks he does because he can see two of Jared and doesn’t know which face belongs to which Jared.
“Come on, Jensen. Jen? Let’s get you to bed.”
Jen? Huh? Well, it does sound nice when Jared says it.
Jensen doesn’t know how or when Jared does it but the next time he opens his eyes - and when did he close them anyway – he’s face down on his own bed and Jared is tugging at his shoes. There's also a glass of water on the bedside dresser and something that looks suspiciously like Tylenol.
“Love ya.”
“What?” Jared barks out and Jensen groans in pain, because really, really drunk here.
“Ow, Jay. Head. Mean the pills. Thank you.. Dunno why you.. ha.. hate me.” Jensen tries to shrug and ends up banging his elbow against the wall. “Ow…”
“Keep still Jensen or you’ll hurt yourself. It’s a wonder you even made it here,” Jared says still sounding slightly more amused than annoyed. “And I don’t hate you.”
“Feels like it,” Jensen mumbles into his pillow, then stretches out and sort of squeaks when Jared’s hand gets trapped in under. Jared huffs, drags his hand back and pats Jensen on the back.
“I’m sorry, Jen. Wish I could tell you. Sleep now. You need it. Coach will kill you tomorrow if he sees you like this.” Jared gets up from where he has been kneeling on Jensen’s bed.
But Jensen doesn’t want to let Jared go just like that, even in his drunken stupor he knows that something important has just happened. Only, he doesn’t really know what to go about it, or rather his brain doesn’t have the capacities left to properly deal with it. So Jensen just acts without thinking.
He reaches out, grabs Jared arm and pulls him down onto the bed.
Jared goes down with a surprised shout and Jensen wonders where he got the strength from to do just that. It doesn’t really matter anyway. What counts is that it worked and that Jared’s in his bed now. Still fully clothed though but Jensen is willing to take small steps.
“Jen? Let me up. Come on. What… what would your girlfriend say?”
“Don ‘ave one,” Jensen mumbles not really sure what he’s just been replying to but it seemed important. Jared, still lying across and atop of him, tenses, goes stock still and Jensen thinks he isn't even breathing. Then, just like that, the tension just drains out of Jared. He goes slack and sighs.
Jensen nods in satisfaction, turns and twists, and rearranges them so that he can snuggle up and go to sleep. And he’s so not the snuggling type. He just.. well he’s drunk, so shut up.
“Night Jay,” Jensen mumbles already half asleep. He still feels the light brush of lips on his forehead. At least he thinks he feels it. Could have been the beginning of a dream though.
“Good Night, Jen.”
The next morning is hell. Of course it is.
Jensen wakes up to a pounding head and an empty bed. Or well empty of Jared at least. The room is silent so Jared vanished to wherever he goes when he goes off. It’s like nothing has happened, like Jensen didn’t drag Jared into bed with him and made him sleep there because he was clutching him too tightly.
Jensen remembers waking up sometime around dawn, remembers Jared’s arm around his chest and can still feel it now. The indent where Jared was is still warm, so he couldn’t have been gone for long. Still, something clenches tightly in Jensen’s chest when he thinks about how awkward things might be now. More than before even.
He groans when he heaves himself out off bed but smiles at the sight of two more Tylenol and a refilled glass of water on his desk. So Jared doesn’t seem to hate his guts any more than he did before last night. Or Jared is just polite.
Jensen yawns his way through Kripke’s lecture and even Chad seems to take pity on him and only chatters half as much as he usually does. Jensen then groans his way through morning training, ice drills and dry land training which mainly consists of weights and runs. He hates JD just a little for the devious smirk the coach displays at every moan Jensen lets slip.
Jared is there, too and seems surprisingly friendly.
Not like demented or anything, just smiling a little and not frowning all the time. Jensen wants to talk to him, wants to smile back and start over. But he never gets the chance to do so because JD drags him into the office for more planning and strategies.
Jensen knows they need to set up a team, the first game is just a week away but he somehow can’t stop himself from wondering if something might have changed between him and Jared.
He asks Danneel during lunch, after Jared has declined yet another invitation to join them. This time though there was a tiny smile and Jensen doesn’t feel as rejected as he usually does. Danneel just shakes her head at him, pats him on the back and tells him to keep going, that one day he’ll conquer his knight in shining armor.
When Jensen looks down at the book in her lap he knows where this is coming from.
“King Arthur now?”
“Well, yeah. The story is riveting and really, it’s the best love story in the world.” She beams at him and steals a fry from Misha’s plate. Misha’s not fast enough to protect his food, growls a little and turns his body so that it shields his plate. But he keeps on stealing glances at Danneel.
Misha has been doing that ever since Danneel hit him over the head with one of her heavy psychology books the first day in class three years ago. He’s still not sure what Misha had been doing in a Psych class but then Misha is always where you least expect him.
Jensen wonders when those two will get over the dancing around each other and finally hook up. He hopes that Danneel really is as oblivious as it seems. Because really, even Danneel can’t be that cruel and keep a man hanging for three years straight.
“Uhm you mean Guinevere and Arthur? I thought she betrayed him.”
Danneel actually gapes at him. “Where have you been Jen? Of course not. Arthur and Merlin.”
“What? The old guy?” Chad chimes in as he plops down right next to Sophia, Danneel's roommate, and tries desperately not to be too obvious about staring into her décolleté. Jensen catches Misha’s look and they both roll their eyes upward. Chad’s as hopeless when it comes to Sophia as Misha is about Danneel.
“God, no. Doesn’t anybody around here follow the newest historical researches? It’s been said that Merlin was actually one of Arthur’s knights and pretty young. So yeah, those two.” Danneel nods and smiles a little. Jensen can practically hear Misha’s sigh and hopes he doesn’t look as idiotic over Jared.
“Considering that’s research on literature and not actual history… It’s a cool story. For a TV show.” Sophia smirks. She knows how she can rile Danneel up. Thankfully Danneel seems to be in a good mood and Jensen doesn’t have to break up an epic food fight that would leave them all covered in something slimy and sticky… and not in a good way.
“Hey, Paddywhack. Come over here.” Chad shouts across the entire student union and Jensen actually flinches hard. Too loud for his poor, still half-drunk brain. And he can see that Jared flinches, too.
Jensen notices it, even though there is an entire room between them. Jensen can see that the second Jared realizes who is at the table as he tries to come up with something to say. Jensen thinks he’s going to decline, like he did before.
So he’s totally surprised when Jared actually smiles that shy smile Jensen has only seen twice the entire time he’s known Jared, which yeah has only been shortly over a month now but still enough to get to know a guy – usually.
Then Jared comes over. He sits down right beside Jensen. And then he speaks to Jensen.
“Hi.” It’s soft and a little unsure but still there.
“Hi.” Jensen smiles back. He can see Danneel rolling her eyes at them out of the corner of his eye
“How’s the head? Sorry I didn’t check on you this morning. But I ... I go running early, didn’t want to wake you.” And this is possibly the longest sentence Jared's ever said to Jensen. It sounds like a church choir in his ears or not… because Jared’s voice is melodious but deep and still kind of shy.
“Fine. Throbs like a fucker but that’s my own fault. Or rather Mike’s, since he mixed the drinks.” Jensen rambles but for the first time doesn’t feel bad about it because Jared smiles at him.
“Oh man Jenny, you didn’t have to drink them. Don’t blame me for your failure. Real men can hold their liquor.” Jensen feels Jared tense, feels it where their arms just barely touch and then he can see it, too. He follows Jared’s hard gaze and meets Mike’s grin and Tom’s equally hard stare.
And dammit, Jensen really, really wants to know what’s going on here.
Because Tom has been one of those players suddenly turning violent on the ice, checking and even throwing punches. But then Tom has always been rather aggressive, on and off ice. Jensen knows why he tries to steer clear of whatever Tom’s coming up with.
And when Jensen really thinks about it, it has always been Jared standing stonily and silent right in the middle of each and every brawl.
It’s time to talk, Jensen thinks as he watches his teammates glare at each other.
Part 2
