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Title: Quiet thoughts
Author:icebear_cw
Fandom: swimming
Pairing: Ian Crocker/Michael Phelps
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: It's RPS. This is fiction: I don't know them, don't own them. It's not real.
cross-posted:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
swim_fiction, crocker_fic, olympic_slash
He is doing it again. He is watching you.
Hovering nearby to soak up everything you do and say. He has been doing it since they told you you would swim tonight. No, not exactly, he has been doing it ever since you allowed him to, which has been some weeks ago.
They say the Trials change your life. Little do they know.
And he thinks you don’t know, don’t realize. You should feel offended by that but somehow it’s more amusing than anything. You almost have to laugh about the way he tries to get closer. Inching his way through your team-mates, trough the partying mass, tentatively and watching. He stops from time to time to talk, to not make it obvious what he is doing. As if anyone would care. You do know what he is doing and why.
He is almost here. Only a few inches are separating him from the couch you are sitting on. Brendan’s high-pitched laugh reminds you that you are supposed to take part in the social life of the team. But you have abandoned the conversation Aaron and Brendan are having long ago. It was something about cows or cats or kinks, something with "c" or "k", you don’t really want to know anyway. Watching him trying to get close, to take on his current task, which seems to include hovering over and next to you, was much more interesting. Your gaze and your mind slips away for some seconds. Or minutes?
It’s strange to be here now. At the end. The end of *our* Games, our competition. It’s weird to think about the things that changed. To think about the next step. The next step into the post-Olympic world. Without her now. You barely can think of he she blew up at you on the phone. Not because of the things she said, you had seen it coming ever since she had a fit when you quit with the meds. You had seen it coming. You barely can think of it because you inevitably have to think of him lying in your bad dead to the world while she accused you of cheating on her. It hurts. It hurts so much and on the other side it is strange and sad. It makes you sad because you love her and because you realize that this kind of love maybe wasn’t enough for either her nor you. It makes you sad because he knows and blames himself for it. It is a long way to get past it, if you are able to. You have no idea where things are heading. It scares you. Scares you to death. The last time you felt like this it brought her to you and you ended up being in a constant daze. You just know that you don’t want that again. Not with him, not when you finally can see clearly again and can have what you want.
His knee keeps touching yours now. He is sitting on the armrest, talks to Lenny and only sometimes glances down. And you just know that he can barely keep him self from bouncing his knee, from moving closer. From asking you. You can feel it. He is keen on asking but refrains from doing so. You know what he wants. He has been asking every single night since you arrived in Athens. Has begged even but you said no every single time.
He was supposed to focus. Not on you though but on the races. And if he had gotten what he wanted he certainly would have been hovering next to you all day long.
The atmosphere in the room sends you into some kind of hyper-focus. Suddenly you see scenes in the room you haven’t noticed before. Klete is joking with Ryan, not new. But Tom sitting by watching them with a strange smile on his face is.
Larsen is pouting. You blink. This is something you are used to see on him but not on Larsen. Erik is animatedly talking with his hands and body trying to find out what’s wrong. And somehow you think it will be all right.
Amanda is on the phone. You just know who it is.
Kaitlin stares at you, or not at you but in your direction. If glares could kill...
Lenny is gone now, moved over to Aaron and Brendan.
And he is sliding in next to you. Planned. He planned it. He always plans those things.
You wonder what he told Lenny that he took off. The couch is cramped so you feel him. Feel him close. Feel every inch pressed against your site. And you want him, because he is not the only one who has been asking the last week, only that you did it silently in your head. You asked yourself what would come next and why you wanted so much.
He trembles slightly and you wonder if it is because of the stressing day, the excitement or because of curiosity. The words he murmurs are barely audible but you do not really need to hear them to understand. He asked
"Okay." It’s everything and nothing but at least you answered.
He does not smile, not really anyway. But he seems to be satisfied in some way. He relaxes somewhat, almost melts into you, and glides along your side, almost like he glides through the water, effortlessly until he is sunken deep into the cushions. You are getting dizzy and lay your head back against the soft pillow behind you. It’s strange, you feel light-headed even though you did not drink anything. At least not yet. The evening is young and the last race was yours all over but still you held back. Your first beer is still sitting neatly between your hand and leg. And you cannot explain why. It’s warm now so you won’t drink it anyway.
You turn to look at him and smile. No, you definitely do more than to just smile, you beam.
He slightly frowns at you but then his hand finds your knee, squeezes gently. His thumb runs circles on your muscle. He murmurs those words again. This time you just nod. But he smiles when you blink at him.
***
You can hear Jason breathing evenly. He is asleep, has been for hours now. He never complained once. Kept up with you, talked you through your moods and through some nights as well.
You hear the door. You know.
His lips are soft but rough at the same time. He is kissing you like he will never be allowed to again. When he is settled next to you, cuddled up, you hear his voice in your ear. Soft, warm and gentle.
"Is it still okay?"
"Hmmm?"
"Still okay that I came here tonight?"
"Uhuh."
He smiles; you feel it against your neck. Your hands are drawing circles on his back, just like his thumb did some hours ago. Pictures flash in front of your eyes. Reality. How the world is outside of this room, the village and how it will be after the Games. You will manage. You always have even with the meds but this time you won’t be alone. You do know why he has been and still is hovering. Not to ask if you are okay with him giving up his spot, no, that was settled in a mad fight and make-up session this morning. No, he hovers because he cares. And that still makes you dizzy. Because there are a lot of people who care and whom you care about but you never thought it would include him.
"Good. Still mad?"
"Why?"
"Me hovering? Asking every night if I could kiss you and sleep in your bed?"
You laugh and he grins. You just know he does.
"Missed me?"
"Nope."
Jason snorts.
Author:icebear_cw
Fandom: swimming
Pairing: Ian Crocker/Michael Phelps
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: It's RPS. This is fiction: I don't know them, don't own them. It's not real.
cross-posted:
swim_fiction, crocker_fic, olympic_slashHe is doing it again. He is watching you.
Hovering nearby to soak up everything you do and say. He has been doing it since they told you you would swim tonight. No, not exactly, he has been doing it ever since you allowed him to, which has been some weeks ago.
They say the Trials change your life. Little do they know.
And he thinks you don’t know, don’t realize. You should feel offended by that but somehow it’s more amusing than anything. You almost have to laugh about the way he tries to get closer. Inching his way through your team-mates, trough the partying mass, tentatively and watching. He stops from time to time to talk, to not make it obvious what he is doing. As if anyone would care. You do know what he is doing and why.
He is almost here. Only a few inches are separating him from the couch you are sitting on. Brendan’s high-pitched laugh reminds you that you are supposed to take part in the social life of the team. But you have abandoned the conversation Aaron and Brendan are having long ago. It was something about cows or cats or kinks, something with "c" or "k", you don’t really want to know anyway. Watching him trying to get close, to take on his current task, which seems to include hovering over and next to you, was much more interesting. Your gaze and your mind slips away for some seconds. Or minutes?
It’s strange to be here now. At the end. The end of *our* Games, our competition. It’s weird to think about the things that changed. To think about the next step. The next step into the post-Olympic world. Without her now. You barely can think of he she blew up at you on the phone. Not because of the things she said, you had seen it coming ever since she had a fit when you quit with the meds. You had seen it coming. You barely can think of it because you inevitably have to think of him lying in your bad dead to the world while she accused you of cheating on her. It hurts. It hurts so much and on the other side it is strange and sad. It makes you sad because you love her and because you realize that this kind of love maybe wasn’t enough for either her nor you. It makes you sad because he knows and blames himself for it. It is a long way to get past it, if you are able to. You have no idea where things are heading. It scares you. Scares you to death. The last time you felt like this it brought her to you and you ended up being in a constant daze. You just know that you don’t want that again. Not with him, not when you finally can see clearly again and can have what you want.
His knee keeps touching yours now. He is sitting on the armrest, talks to Lenny and only sometimes glances down. And you just know that he can barely keep him self from bouncing his knee, from moving closer. From asking you. You can feel it. He is keen on asking but refrains from doing so. You know what he wants. He has been asking every single night since you arrived in Athens. Has begged even but you said no every single time.
He was supposed to focus. Not on you though but on the races. And if he had gotten what he wanted he certainly would have been hovering next to you all day long.
The atmosphere in the room sends you into some kind of hyper-focus. Suddenly you see scenes in the room you haven’t noticed before. Klete is joking with Ryan, not new. But Tom sitting by watching them with a strange smile on his face is.
Larsen is pouting. You blink. This is something you are used to see on him but not on Larsen. Erik is animatedly talking with his hands and body trying to find out what’s wrong. And somehow you think it will be all right.
Amanda is on the phone. You just know who it is.
Kaitlin stares at you, or not at you but in your direction. If glares could kill...
Lenny is gone now, moved over to Aaron and Brendan.
And he is sliding in next to you. Planned. He planned it. He always plans those things.
You wonder what he told Lenny that he took off. The couch is cramped so you feel him. Feel him close. Feel every inch pressed against your site. And you want him, because he is not the only one who has been asking the last week, only that you did it silently in your head. You asked yourself what would come next and why you wanted so much.
He trembles slightly and you wonder if it is because of the stressing day, the excitement or because of curiosity. The words he murmurs are barely audible but you do not really need to hear them to understand. He asked
"Okay." It’s everything and nothing but at least you answered.
He does not smile, not really anyway. But he seems to be satisfied in some way. He relaxes somewhat, almost melts into you, and glides along your side, almost like he glides through the water, effortlessly until he is sunken deep into the cushions. You are getting dizzy and lay your head back against the soft pillow behind you. It’s strange, you feel light-headed even though you did not drink anything. At least not yet. The evening is young and the last race was yours all over but still you held back. Your first beer is still sitting neatly between your hand and leg. And you cannot explain why. It’s warm now so you won’t drink it anyway.
You turn to look at him and smile. No, you definitely do more than to just smile, you beam.
He slightly frowns at you but then his hand finds your knee, squeezes gently. His thumb runs circles on your muscle. He murmurs those words again. This time you just nod. But he smiles when you blink at him.
***
You can hear Jason breathing evenly. He is asleep, has been for hours now. He never complained once. Kept up with you, talked you through your moods and through some nights as well.
You hear the door. You know.
His lips are soft but rough at the same time. He is kissing you like he will never be allowed to again. When he is settled next to you, cuddled up, you hear his voice in your ear. Soft, warm and gentle.
"Is it still okay?"
"Hmmm?"
"Still okay that I came here tonight?"
"Uhuh."
He smiles; you feel it against your neck. Your hands are drawing circles on his back, just like his thumb did some hours ago. Pictures flash in front of your eyes. Reality. How the world is outside of this room, the village and how it will be after the Games. You will manage. You always have even with the meds but this time you won’t be alone. You do know why he has been and still is hovering. Not to ask if you are okay with him giving up his spot, no, that was settled in a mad fight and make-up session this morning. No, he hovers because he cares. And that still makes you dizzy. Because there are a lot of people who care and whom you care about but you never thought it would include him.
"Good. Still mad?"
"Why?"
"Me hovering? Asking every night if I could kiss you and sleep in your bed?"
You laugh and he grins. You just know he does.
"Missed me?"
"Nope."
Jason snorts.
