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This is not the way Jensen had pictured things going. Not at all.
First of all, Jared is nothing like the person Jensen read about. Not even close to it. And he wonders exactly what Murray was thinking when he wrote that book. Even as he thinks that, he knows he doesn’t want to know. Murray had obviously been on crack at the time.
Or he knows Jared better than his own family and Jared himself, something Jensen isn’t willing to take as fact. He doesn’t know Murray enough to be able to judge that.
He'd been following Jared all day after they'd left the principal’s office. First to drama club lessons, then to basketball training. Jensen spoke to several of students and players, none of whom had anything bad to say about Jared Padalecki.
Jared himself had been quiet toward Jensen, all while being open and cheerful with his students. When they'd left the principal's office this morning, the only reaction from Jared to the news of being under observation had been an eye roll that only Jensen saw accompanied by a grim smile. Later, though, Jensen had overheard Jared muttering about not believing they’d do that to him. He'd actually sounded peeved, which made Jensen glad in a way, it showed Jared cared about the things going on and about his job.
Not so emo then.
The fact that Jared was the hottest and most gorgeous man Jensen had seen in years wasn’t really relevant, but Jensen couldn’t stop thinking about it. Having to spend most of that day, and the subsequent days, with Jared wasn’t exactly helping him suppress the urge to stare and drool.
And then there was Sandy.
Jensen thinks she's probably the strongest reason he had to contradict everything Murray said and wrote. Sandy's sweet, caring and so much in love with Jared that Jensen actually feels somewhat bad for being there. She stopped by during training one day, and if Jensen ever though Jared might be faking his happy-go-lucky personality, seeing him with Sandy destroyed all those doubts.
They're in love. They're happy together and, Jensen thinks, there's no reason for anything else to be the case. Sandy even invites him to the barbeque at Jared’s place this evening. She doesn’t even know him and yet she didn’t judge him when Jared told her why Jensen was there.
Sandy being around also makes it abundantly clear that Jensen should clamp down on every little flutter of attractive he has for Jared. Even if they'd been hanging around since he first saw Jared step into Mayers' office. Even if Jensen sometimes thinks Jared might actually look a little too long at him. And even if Jared has a tendency to invade Jensen’s personal space.
Now, more than ever, Jensen's starting to see this job as a joke. Sandy plays a huge role in forming his opinion. A person that intelligent and sweet can’t possibly overlook her fiancé's supposed homosexuality and depression.
But, he thinks, you never really know.
“Dude, watch it. Those balls are heavy.”
Jensen blinks, pulled from his straying thoughts and he's suddenly aware of being watched by almost all of Jared’s basketball team. Then he blinks again, but this time at the medicine ball that missed him by mere inches and is now lying at his feet. He looks at the ball and back at the guy who had warned him.
The smirk is almost inevitable. Jensen knows he shouldn’t, but the urge is too much of a temptation to ignore.
“Boy, there aren’t any balls that are too heavy for me to handle.”
He anticipates the stunned silence that follows, what he doesn’t expect is for Jared to lose it. The man is clutching his clipboard to his chest and howling with laughter. It’s such an unexpected picture that Jensen feels his smirk slip into a real smile. He likes that picture, likes that it’s so far from the one he has in his head and that Jared is much more his own man than anything like a character in a book. And especially unlike Murray's description.
So much for not drooling over the straight guy, Jensen sighs inwardly. Not to mention that Jared’s shirt has risen up a little and Jensen has a hard time not openly staring at the finely sculptured hip bone that's only just visible.
“Okay guys. Drop those balls.” Jared hiccups and Jensen snorts. “Let’s get back to building up the defence. One on one over half the field and then four against four. I’ll be playing with whichever team needs me.”
Jensen zones out after that, which he thinks is probably understandable. Seeing a sweaty, muscled giant of a man, especially someone whose probably his type, can do that to a man’s brain.
“Let’s go and have some dinner.” Those words bring Jensen back and he can only stare at Jared a little before nodding and standing.
The diner is small and has a charm that seems to belong to decades long past. It’s a small Mom and Pop diner with everything homemade, with highlighted specials for the day. Jensen feels transported back to the 50s. The walls scream pastel, the formica is cracked and the vinyl seats have blisters and a darker colour on the benches. It's practically torn out of a '50s Hollywood movie and Jensen finds he's waiting for girls in poodle skirts and boys in leather jackets to show up at any moment.
There are framed pictures of Elvis, Buddy Holly and the like on the wall above the counter. The jukebox looks like no one has changed the music in years. Jensen shudders and doesn’t really know why. It all feels a little suffocating, too old and too conservative for someone like him.
Jared seems amused by Jensen’s wide-eyed stare, but chooses not to speak. They take a table by one of the windows, giving them a decent view across half of Main Street. They don’t say anything for several long minutes, just reading the menu in Jensen's case, or stare out of the window in Jared's. It’s surprisingly not uncomfortable.
Only after their orders are taken by a bubbly teen who seems to be one of Jared’s students, judging from the constant flow of "Mr. P."'s, do they slip into something resembling small talk.
Jared doesn’t really say much. He's cautious and quite clearly not as open as he appears to be with everyone else, but Jensen understands and he'd be worried Jared wasn’t. When the food comes, it’s delivered by a different waitress and this time no one says anything. Jensen's so occupied with enjoying the food that he barely registers anything else while he's eating. He suddenly misses his mom’s cooking and thinks about calling home again. He hasn’t done that in over a week.
It takes him a while to catch onto the fact that Jared's been watching him. It seems like Jared is waiting for him to start the inevitable conversation they they've been avoiding since the principal’s office this morning.
“What is it?”
Jared smiles. It’s small and maybe a little sad, but it’s a smile directed at Jensen and he can’t help feeling a tiny little flutter in his stomach. He clamps down on it with a ferocity that he hasn't felt years. It’s not good.
“Why did they send you? I mean, no offence, but you're not exactly the poster boy for the school board, especially not around here. Not as conservative, or at last you don’t come across that way. I'm just trying to figure out why they sent you. I assume they want to find something to use against me.”
Jensen laughs, because yes that’s exactly what this about. Sometimes he doubts that there are any real complaints and that, when it comes right down to it, this is really about protecting the school and school board’s reputation.
“Believe when I say I can see why you’d think that. I guess I am something like their pet homosexual, fulfilling the minority quota and letting them claim to be political correct. What’s better than a member of the minority being sent to observe? Apparently, I know what I should be looking for. Maybe they think I can see if you're infecting your students with your gayness or something. Doesn’t matter that all their concerns are based on basically nothing." He pauses, looking at Jared before going on. "I guess I said yes because I'd rather it be me than the alternative. Who knows what they might come up with.”
“And?”
Jensen chuckles a little because he knows what Jared wants to know.
“Dude, I have know you for a day and even I can see that, without a doubt, you love your fiancé.”
“Not gay, then?”
“Man, my gaydar has been broken for years, but I think I’d still be able to notice any of the things that Murray guy talked about. So, no.”
Jared scowls, frowns a little at the look he gets from the passing waitress and, in end, just shakes his head. He looks resigned and sad. Not a look Jensen prefers on him, but then his preferences don’t play a role here anyway.
“Bloody Chad.”
“Well now, that is a picture to behold. Nice imagination.”
It gets a laugh out of Jared. A real one. The kind where Jared just throws his head back and hoots. Jensen feels a little scared that he can already differentiate Jared’s laughs and smiles. Jared sends him a genuine smile, one with dimples and shining eyes. Jensen tries hard not to blush.
“So ... You don’t have a problem with it?”
“It?” And really, Jared shouldn’t make looking confused that adorable. Jensen might fall very fast if Jared keeps that up.
“Gay. Me being it.”
Jensen shouldn’t find the snort he gets that sexy, either. And he shouldn’t care that much about Jared’s opinion, especially after only one day. Definitely not after only one day.
“If your balls comment didn’t set me off, why should that? I think I need to introduce you to Mike. And then watch you feel all bad about having asked that question. But I get it. I really do, especially now. And this is still Texas after all.”
The waitress sets the dessert down with a smile that looks sweet, but forced at the same time. There's something off, but Jared doesn’t seem aware of it. And if he is, he isn’t reacting to it.
When Jensen looks up from his pie, he can see the sadness in Jared’s eyes. His really expressive hazel eyes, something he hadn't noticed before.
Jared sighs.
“It’s been like that since the interview. They try to act normal, but can’t seem to shake the suspicion or whatever it is. They wonder. It hurts that they don’t trust me. It’s sad that Chad isn’t even available to talk to me about it either.”
Jensen nods, because there isn’t really anything he can to say to that.
They are at Jared’s parent’s place the next morning, Jared invited Jensen to meet everyone else after Jensen had begged out of the barbeque. So that Jensen could get a clear picture and all. Even after a whole day of watching Jared interact with people, Jensen isn’t sure if Jared's mocking him with that remark or not.
Jared is confusing him. An awful lot.
Sherri Padalecki eyes him curiously. Jensen thinks he should be afraid, or at least wary. Those eyes are the one of a mother who knows things. Jensen has seen the look in his own mother’s eyes.
Mothers know everything. He is sure of that.
Jared almost pities Jensen when he sees how his mom is grilling the other man. But he is way too curious to interrupt it. He is way too focused on Jensen anyway. Staring again, taking the other man in. The sun that highlights Jensen’s hair, the small smile that always seems to play on those full lips. He shouldn’t be seen all those things, so he just listens or tries to.
So far, he's learned that Jensen is from Richardson, near Dallas. That he has his own publishing house, writes teaching guides and has a teaching degree, but never really worked as a teacher. Jared also learned that Jensen only works for the board because of a misunderstanding with one of the board members, who suggested Jensen should solve all the problems instead of just complaining about them. So, Jared muses, Jensen must love a good challenge.
Jensen is interesting and so unlike anyone else Jared knows. It intrigues him, but scares him at the same time.
He doesn’t know the man, not really. But he likes him nonetheless. There is something about Jensen that causes Jared to blink and refocus on him. It's only happened once before, with Sandy, on the day they met.
Jared isn’t sure what it means for him.
“So, you always wanted to be an actor?”
Jared starts a little, but smiles at the chuckle it gets out of Jensen. Jensen has a nice laugh and a gorgeous smile. Jared wants to see more of it. He just doesn’t think about too much that.
“Please, tell me my mom didn’t break out the baby pictures.”
Jensen laughs, deep and loud, and actually blushes. It’s such an unusual thing to see on the otherwise very composed man, that Jared can’t help but feel triumphant over the fact that he's making Jensen behave like that.
He shouldn’t feel this gleeful, this ecstatic about a simple thing blush. About something that doesn’t really mean anything. Shouldn’t mean anything.
Sandy interrupts them and manages to commandeer both of them into test tasting biscuits and little pies for the wedding. Jared thinks Jensen looks a little less open and a little more subdued when Sandy is around, but he isn’t sure if that’s true or just his imagination.
Later, after they said their goodbyes and set off to school, Jensen looks at Jared in a way Jared can’t really fathom.
“Thank you.”
That’s not what he expected to hear. Not all.
“For what?”
“Well, introducing me to your friends and family, for letting me tag along. You don’t have to, you know that, right?”
“I know. But what would that say about me? Probably that I have something to hide. More reason for them to fire me or whatever.”
“I don’t know how anyone who knows you could ever think that.”
Jared has the feeling that Jensen counts himself into that group now. If Jared’s heart swells a little at that thought, he doesn’t acknowledge it.
What he does acknowledge is the fact that he really has to kill Chad for creating this situation. If only he could get a hold of his so-called best friend.
Jensen spends the next day with Jared. Watches him prepare his team for their next game, talk his drama students into allowing him a final correction of some scenes and walks in on a few students trying to reassure Jared that he indeed comes across all manly and not gay.
He doesn’t comment on the CD one of the students hands over, doesn’t want to come off an asshole and say it’s inappropriate to try and change someone. But he knows it’s all meant well, so he says nothing.
He laughs at Jared’s look, though. And feels himself drifting away from his original opinion more and more with each passing second he spends with Jared.
They separate after they leave the school grounds. Jensen has to make to calls; he dreads one of them, because though he knows the board will read his report and act on it, he has no idea how much weight the word of the principal has.
Because if this man doesn’t want Jared to work at his school anymore, there's little Jensen can do to prevent that. Jensen's really starting to think that the man holds a grudge against Jared and the gay thing just plays into his desire to get rid of the young, innovative teacher.
What people do when their power is threatened always amazes Jensen.
He hopes it won’t come to that. They have nothing to justify firing Jared, at least not without coming across as homophobic and judgemental. Which is the exact opposite image the school board wants to project, hence Jensen’s being there.
Jared talks Jensen into meeting at Mike’s bar, so that he can introduce them. Jensen thinks he sees something in Jared’s eyes when the man saddles his bike and grins at him before taking off down the road to meet his fiancé.
Jensen also thinks he is pretty screwed if he doesn’t get his feelings under control.
This is a job after all, nothing more.
Jared is on his way to Mike’s when he remembers that he still has still has those awful CDs in his bag, he had planned to give them back, but he’d forgotten all about it after spending hours with his mom and Sandy planning the big meal and the rehearsal for the next day.
He didn’t plan to listen to any of the CDs, but having had an unpleasant talk with Mayers when they almost crashed into each other and the principal comment on Jared’s nonexistent orientation, Jared thinks that he maybe should. Listen to the CDs. There might be useful hints on them.
He tries not to roll his eyes at himself. It’s not like he needs hints how to be a man. He's a man, but then again maybe there is something that lets people doubt that face. And he wonders when he started caring so much about what others think. Perhaps the last few days are starting to take their toll on him and he doesn’t like the man he is becoming. Always doubting and second-guessing himself. His mind is in constant turmoil and the fact that he still hasn’t been able to talk to Chad makes it even worse.
He really wants to know what the hell is going on.
The planning and organising for the wedding on top of everything else just makes him want to hide and wait until everything is finished. Sometimes it’s too much. It’s like a sledge hammer dangling over his head and he's trying to jump higher and higher to make sure he hits it with his head.
Sometimes all he can think about are green eyes, a gorgeous smile and a man that is slowly worming his way into Jared’s life.
Jared doesn’t know how to stop it from happening. Doesn’t even know if he wants to stop it. It’s confusing him to no end and there really isn’t anyone he can talk to about it.
Mike just snorts when he sees Jared looking at the backside of one of those CDs. Snorts, shakes his head and places a beer in front of Jared.
“You serious?”
Jared shrugs, not really knowing how to answer without sounding like a complete idiot and asshole in front of Mike.
He doesn’t know how long he takes Mike's mocking and why doesn’t protest the beer being switched over to soda after his third glass, but he doesn’t mind being there and not being alone. Mike has turned out to be a better friend than any of the others. Not that his friends have done anything or said anything, Mike just knows what it’s all about and Mike doesn’t judge.
And it’s Mike that sort of brings Jared out of his thoughts. He thinks it’s a customer that has the barkeep chuckling in amusement, but only when Jared looks up does he see that it’s him Mike’s eyes are trained on.
“Uhm.. What?”
“Oh you know … it's just Jensen.”
“Jensen? Where?”
“Exactly.”
“What, Mike?”
“He just came in and you lit up like a huge Christmas tree. Interesting to see that. Especially since Jensen sort of did the same. And here he comes.”
“Hi, Mike. I seriously need a beer right now. I don’t get people.”
Jared just sits there and stares. At Jensen. Again. Nothing new, then.
They talk for a while and Mike supplies them with food and drinks. Jared catches him watching them, sometimes with a smile, sometimes with a knowing look in his eyes. Jared just ignores it, what else can he do?
When Jensen suddenly gets quiet, stares into his glass and only answers with monosyllabic grunts, Jared decides he's has enough and pokes him. Pokes him so hard that Jensen actually jumps, squeaks and has to claw onto the counter to prevent himself from falling off the stool.
It’s a picture to behold and Mike needs a little more than five minutes to get his laughter back under control. Half the bar is hooting with it and Jared really, really likes the blush that’s spreading over Jensen’s freckles.
“Dude!”
“You squeaked.”
“Yeah, thanks for that. Can we never speak about that again? Please.”
“Okay, deal. Under one condition.”
“Which would be?”
“You tell me what’s gotten you so twisted up and going all mute on me.”
Jared sees in on Jensen’s face, the second Jensen realises he has been too obvious. There are several emotions that are visible, in the end Jensen settles on resigned and gives Jared a small smile. Jared is confused, but more concerned than anything else.
Jensen finally sighs, takes another drink of his beer and just shakes his head.
“I talked to the board president earlier. Seems like Mayers really has it in for you. Your lovely principal's trying to get you out of his school and is using the parents as an excuse. They're thinking about not letting you direct the play for Graduation Day.”
“What?”
“I am sorry, Jared. I've tried to talk them out of it. It’s stupid and a doubly stupid move. It has nothing to do with what’s going on, but they're still thinking about asking you not to attended Graduation. They …” He trails off quietly.
Jared wants to urge Jensen on, wants to know what’s going on, but is too stunned to actually say anything. He doesn’t even look up when Mike places shot glasses on the counter, just takes one and slams it back.
He has the feeling that he’ll be needed more like it. Soon.
“The board, some of the members, wanted to know if you're really getting married.”
“Why?”
Jared doesn’t even recognise his own voice anymore, it’s rough, but icy cold. Nothing like his usually gentle intonation that always carries a smile. He doesn’t feel much like smiling right now.
“I… “
“They're threatening me? That’s it, right? If I don’t get married, I’ll be fired because I actually could be what Chad says. That’s bullshit. That’s so… I have to get out of here. I need air… I can’t think…”
Jared hears Mike say his name, feels Jensen move to stand up next to him, but he's out of the door before anyone can even think of stopping him.
Everything is a blur for a few seconds. He doesn’t know what to think, what to do. Nothing makes sense anymore. There's the situation with his job. The wedding in a few days. Then there's Jensen, who occupies every single thought inside Jared’s head and has been doing so without Jared even realising.
All those things are smashed together, fighting each other for dominance. It goes ‘school, Sandy, marriage, Jensen, school, Jensen, future, what-am-I-gonna-do, Jensen, school, Sandy. Jensen, Jensen’ and Jared doesn’t know what to do.
He takes deep breaths, slow and powerful, and tries to calm down. He knows Jensen is there the second the other man leaves the bar.
It scares him that he doesn’t even have to look anymore to know where Jensen is.
It really scares him.
Jensen doesn’t know what to do or say. He just knows he has to be there, for whatever reason that might be. He finds he wants to be there.
He hates that he has to be the one telling Jared what's going. Hates being manipulated by people who have no idea what they're doing, what they're destroying. Jared is awesome with his students, with his team and no one of those board members even bothered to investigate the truth.
Jensen feels ashamed that he ever though Jared could be like the Murray's character, the one Jensen didn't like at all.
“Jared?”
“God, I can’t believe it. I.. why me? What have I done to deserve this? They… they don’t know me. I doubt it would change much if they did, but still. I can’t believe they're asking me to abandon my students. What kind of teacher do they think I am? Well, obviously not a good enough one since so many parents are complaining. God, I can’t think right. I just can’t…”
It’s not the first time Jensen's been subjected to Jared’s tendency to ramble. During the two days he's been here, it happened at least half a dozen times and Jensen thinks it’s adorable. But the previous times, it was only focused on things Jared geeked out about, like plays, game strategies and his friends doing stupid things for his stag night. It had never been out of anger and frustration.
And now that it is, Jensen thinks it’s hot as hell.
All he wants to do is kiss Jared. He knows it’s the wrong thing to do. Knows it will only pile more things onto Jared. Things, problems, everything that Jared can’t afford right now. But all he sees is this gorgeous man all riled up, pacing in front of him, muscles bunching under the thin shirt he's wearing since his jacket is still in the bar.
Jensen can't see anything except slightly curved lips that look full and lush because Jared is biting them.
All Jensen sees is something he wants. He just wants to kiss Jared. Wants to kiss him because he wants Jared. Wants to kiss Jared to shut him up.
So he does. Just sets his hands on Jared’s shoulders and pulls him in. Pulls him down a little and the fact that Jared is huge turns Jensen on to degrees that aren’t even close to appropriate anymore. He never knew that was on of his kinks. He apparently has a thing for floppy-haired, hazel-eyed giants who could manhandle him, but are gentle as well.
Jensen tells his sub-consciousness to shut up and stop analyzing his kinks.
He cuts Jared off mid-ramble, feels his arms flail around before finally settling on Jensen’s waist. It’s almost as if time stands still. Nothing exists but the two of them.
Jared’s lips are hot against Jensen’s. At first, it’s just a touch, skin on skin, mouth against mouth, nothing more. Part of Jensen waits to be shoved away, waits for the hit to land and for the screaming to start. But, somehow, it doesn’t happen.
What happens, the second Jensen moves his mouth, Jared latches on. Tongue, teeth and it's hot as hell. It makes Jensen dizzy and he clutches harder at Jared’s shoulder. He feels like he wants to be closer to Jared, has to be closer.
It goes on, longer than Jensen could have even dreamed possible. It’s sweet, passionate and a kiss that Jensen wants to be able to have every day, every second of every day. Always.
His hands are buried in Jared’s hair, feel the silkiness of it and Jensen instinctively knows that he already is addicted to the feel of it. Addicted to the man in his arms.
When it’s over, they just stand there. Look at each other but don’t move. Hands still twisted in shirts, curled around waists; faces just inches away from each other. They're both breathing hard and Jensen can only focus on the feel of Jared’s muscles under his hands, on the leftover feeling of Jared on his mouth, on the way Jared tastes.
“What was that?” Jared whispers. He doesn’t scream, doesn’t flinch away. Just frowns and looks like a lost puppy. Jensen wants to draw him in again, wants to hug him close and never let go. But he doesn't. Instead, Jensen's just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“A kiss.” Jensen says as low as Jared had before. Neither of them willing to destroy the moment. That will, he thinks cynically, come soon enough.
“You kissed me.”
“Yes.”
“You kissed me!” And there it is. Jared moves away, lets go of Jensen, but he doesn’t flee, doesn’t panic. Not yet.
“That I did.”
“I kissed you back.”
“Uh ... I guess so.”
Jared shakes his head as if to clear it, as if to take hold of the situation. Jensen can’t blame him, he's feeling pretty out of it himself.
“This isn’t good. I … I can’t do that. I'm not … I never. I have Sandy. Sandy. Oh my God.”
Jensen hates metaphors, hates literary images, but right now he can’t help but think of his heart being broken into tiny pieces. One name said out loud and Jensen doesn’t even try to hide his flinch. Jared doesn’t notice.
Jensen only notices the car pulling up next to them when Jared gasps at the sight of it. A second later he knows why.
“Jared, honey, is that you?”
“Mom! Dad! Hi!”
If they hadn't just kissed, if Jensen hadn't just royally screwed up, he'd laugh at the flailing Jared is doing.
“What are you doing out here? I thought Mike was planning something for you.”
“I ... We. I was out for air. Needed air … and now I'm going back inside. Yes, inside. See ya tomorrow at the rehearsal. Bye.”
Jensen smiles at Sherrie’s confused look. He doesn’t know what to say anyway, so he just shrugs and follows Jared inside again.
This is going to be a long night.
Jared feels dizzy, not so much because of the hangover since there isn’t really one, but because of what is about to happen. He hasn’t been able to think straight and every time he thinks that, his sub-consciousness keeps supplying him with a 'pun intended' line.
He's grateful that Jensen kept his distance once they were back in the bar. Mike only had to take one look at them before placing two more shots on the counter. Of course, he'd cut them off pretty soon after that.
They hadn't talked about the kiss and nothing else had happened, but then again, nothing was solved either. Jared went home and tried to sleep. He couldn't. He just lay in bed, not quite thinking, mostly just feelings. And found that just feeling was hard enough.
The next morning he's just confused as hell. Confused about himself and his reaction when Jensen kissed him. He'd never thought he wouldn’t step away and say no. He never thought he'd plunge into it like that. Never thought about it, never felt like there was some truth to what Chad said about him.
At the rehearsal, the church is full of people and Jared feels like he's going to suffocate. It’s hot, sticky and loud. The room overflows with chatter and laughter, everything cheerful and promising. His family is there, his friends and even some of his students and players.
Then he sees Mike. He's in the back, with Jensen. Jared just wants to run. To get out of there. And, if he's being honest with himself, maybe take Jensen with him. He stamps down on that thought as soon he thinks it.
He feels like crying.
Everything is set up perfectly. It’s beautiful and Jared has to admit that Sandy knows what he likes and combined their tastes perfectly. Of course, that just makes the things running through his head so much worse.
He;s restless, nervous and fidgety. Not just because it’s his wedding rehearsal taking place. No, he thinks, annoyed. Of course it's not the rehearsal. It's Jensen's fault. It's because Jensen's there, because Jared can't to stop his thoughts from returning to previous night and the way Jensen felt against him. The way Jensen’s mouth felt against his own.
Every time the pastor says something about forever or being sure about their love and lives, Jared has to fight the urge to cringe. Has to quell the urge to just step away and flee.
Then suddenly it's time to practice their vows, to look at Sandy and promise her forever. He finds he just can’t. Not that he thinks it’s not right, because she's Sandy and he loves her. He just can’t say a word. It feels like there is something strangling him. He absurdly thinks his tie is too tight and then remembers he isn’t wearing one because this is just the rehearsal and not the real thing.
As mean as it sounds in his head, Jared is immensely grateful that it’s not the real thing.
The pastor asks him again to say his vows and Jared just blinks. Eventually he looks up, then toward the back of the church. He sees Jensen looking down, then turns back and watches Sandy's face shift from hopeful to confused before finally settling on sad. It's then that Jared knows what he has to do.
He feels like the world’s biggest bastard and he hates himself for doing what he's about to do to Sandy. She doesn’t deserve this. She's always been there for him. She's been is best friend practically forever and, really, the sex was always mind blowing.
“I'm sorry, Sandy." He stops, swallowing hard before going on. "I just can’t. It ...” Jared's aware of sounding tiny and frightened. He clearly hears the gasp sliding through the crowd and can feel his mom rise, but not moving any closer.
Time stops and everyone seems to hold their breath, including Jared.
“What is it, Jared? What’s wrong? Why can’t you?” The words pour out of Sandy.
“I'm ... I'm not sure. Doing this rehearsal and seeing you like that is wonderful, but there's something … I don’t know." He looks at her. "I really don’t know.”
The look in Sandy’s eyes kills him. This isn't the way he wants things to go. It’s not going smoothly and he doesn’t even know why he opened his mouth. He loves her. Loves her a lot, but apparently it's not enough if Jensen can just crash into their lives and so easily have Jared twisted around him.
Sandy, who knows him sometimes better than he knows himself, sees it for what it is. And yet she makes sure he doesn't lose his dignity even when she's the one being let down. When she's all but being left at the later, albeit during her wedding rehearsal. She drags him off to a side room, past the crowd in the pews, and past Jensen, who looks suitably stunned. She just pulls him away, ignoring everything else.
Once they're alone, Jared loses all the courage he'd gathered during the night and morning. He can feel the single tear sliding down his face and angrily wipes it away. He has no real right to cry.
Sandy hugs him once, looks at him and smiles sadly. She doesn’t cry. Not then and there. She looks at him with resignation and a gentle kind of pity. Jared doesn’t know how to take it.
Jared realizes he doesn’t know what he's doing. Period.
“Jared? Are you ... is Chad right?” Sandy asks. In a way, Jared thinks, he should have been prepared for this. For the obvious question and yet it doesn’t make it less of a surprise when she asks. It takes him several moments to come up with the right words, to muster up the courage to say them.
“No. N o… not really like that. Just ... it’s Jensen.”
“Jensen?”
“Yeah." He wonders if she can tell he's making it up as he goes along. "Not ... not men. Just. Just Jensen. And marrying you when I .. when think about him all the time isn’t fair. Not to you. It wouldn't be … It won't be the way you want it to be. I'm sorry, Sandy. I really am.”
“Jared ... I don’t know what to say. I'm ... it’s not okay." She stops, sighing, but goes on. "It's ... it’s better than going through with the wedding if you aren’t going to give everything. Of course, it would have been better to realise this earlier, instead of during the damn rehearsal. You know, with everyone here. The whole town will know about this when we leave here.” She gestures around the room. Then she stops and looks at him again. “So. Jensen, really?”
“Yeah ... I'm sorry, Sandy. I just .. I never wanted this to happen. I never … I didn’t even know it was happening. I ... I love you. You have to believe that I do.“
“I know. Just not enough, huh? It’s over, right?" She doesn't even wait for his answer. "Yeah, I thought so. I need time, Jared. I have to get out of here. I can’t look at you right now.”
Sandy gathers her things and is gone without another word. She doesn't look back as the door slams shut behind her.
Jared just sits. He looks at the flowers, already arranged. Looks at the window, at the mirror, at everything and nothing all at once. Not thinking because thinking requires too much energy, energy he doesn’t have right now. There's too much and he's overloaded and can't deal with, well, anything.
It’s Sherrie that finds him. Jared doesn’t know how much time has passed, but people are gone and it's only Mike and Jared's dad left. His mom just hugs him, kissing the top of his head and promising him that everything will be alright. She repeats, over and over, that they love him no matter what.
His dad pats him on the back, says basically the same and lets him be. Jared finds he's thankful for that. He's pretty sure he couldn't deal with any big discussions about revelations and the like, at least not right now. All he wants is to be alone and miserable. He deserves to feel miserable now, even though it’s his own fault. But it’s his fucking right as well.
His parents don’t say anything when Mike grabs him. Jared knows what it means. He's silently happy that Mike is there, but he also wonders where Jensen is.
“He's at the bar, Jared. Don’t worry.”
Jared doesn’t know why Mike thinks he worries, but he's not thinking straight anyway so whatever Mikes say must be right.
Sandy knows she's getting drunk, but she also knows that no one will blame her or even try to stop her. She knows she's right about the whole town already knowing. But she's also never seen Mike’s bar so crowded. Maybe, she thinks hazily, the other bar in town is already out of alcohol. Seeing that one of the most popular sons of the town just cancelled his wedding, it might actually be true.
Jensen is there as well, but he doesn’t try to say anything to her. Well, he did try to apologize, but she'd just slapped him over the head and told him not to be stupid. Sophia, the other barkeeper, doesn’t even say anything anymore and just keep on serving her drinks. Sandy has no idea where Mike vanished to, she thinks might have had something to do with a phone call he got earlier.
Sandy turns and looks at the man sitting next to her. The place is really packed, otherwise she thinks he'd have chosen another seat. She looks at him and has to admit that he is somewhat beautiful. She can see what Jared might see in him, can see why it would be easy to fall for him. But Sandy knows Jared, knows that he doesn't care about looks. Jared only cares for the person, for what's inside them. And if this man has managed to capture Jared as much as it seems, there has to be something to him.
Sandy thinks that Jensen’s trying to apologize to her shows that.
“He likes you.” She's just drunk enough that she can say without thinking. At least not too much.
She almost cracks up at the way Jensen’s head snaps around. The look he's sporting is almost comical, but sad at the same time
“What?”
“Jared. He likes you. I don’t know what you did and I really, really don’t want to know. But." She stops, looking at him almost severely. "He's all wrapped up in you.”
Jensen shakes his head, like he wants to deny it, like he doesn’t believe her. And Sandy wants to slap him again. Because even though it took her this long and even if it took Jared ruining the wedding rehearsal, she can see it now. There's something there, maybe it had always been there. Maybe she'd been denying it. But it was something that was already there when Jared brought Jensen home the previous day. But no one, not even Jared and Jensen, was able to see it.
“He loves you, Sandy. He's just confused. With everything that's been going on and with Chad’s book and whatever ... It'll be okay again. You’ll have your wedding.”
“Don’t be daft. I mean, okay, it might be confusing and all … And you might feel flattered by Jared’s interest even if you don’t feel that way. But there is no denying it. He likes you. Is that a problem?”
Jensen actually laughs, smiles even. Sandy thinks it’s beautiful, that it's real.
“Not for me. No.”
Now it’s her turn to laugh.
“Is everyone around here gay?”
“Sorry.” He says with a shrug.
Sandy even believes that he is, despite the smirk and the roll of his eyes. She can’t really be mad at him and now she really feels like crying. Her eyes burn and she knows she’ll curl up in bed and let it all out once she is home.
Just looking at Jensen, seeing the way he reacts just to Jared’s name, makes her understand. There is no ‘Jared and me’ anymore for her. She wouldn’t want it, wouldn’t want Jared to be unhappy just so she could be happy. She wouldn’t be anyway.
+ 
She leaves the bar before she has the chance to make a mistake or get really plastered. She's got a good buzz going and so she feels pretty good. She's mad as hell at Jared. She's hurt and dejected, but she isn’t angry. She doesn’t feel as violent as she had on the way over to Mike’s.
She still feels like crying and she figures that's probably normal. And on the way home, she's not surprised that she cries.
Sandy is so completely focused on getting home before the buzz wears off that she doesn’t see the man in front of her house almost until it’s too late. She actually screams a little when the person moves.
But as he steps into the light of the street lantern, Sandy starts shouting.
“You fucking asshole! Do you know what you did? Do you? Why did you do that? What the hell was that all about? I know you never liked me, but what the fuck? What did Jared do to deserve all of this?”
“I'm sorry, Sandy. I didn’t really think ...”
“You never do. You never do. Fuck you, Chad.”
“I am sorry. I heard about the rehearsal. I just ... I thought he was making a mistake.”
“Thank you very much, you bastard. You succeeded. Are you happy now? He called it off and I'm pretty sure that we're are over. What was that it? Are you jealous? Do you want him? Are you in love with him? If so, nice way of showing it, Chad. Your bloody character is nothing like Jared. Nothing. And you're too late anyway.”
“What? What do you mean? I don’t want him. I am not.. not in love with him or anything. I'm here to set it straight, to tell people the truth. To explain that I was ... what are you saying? I mean, I know.. I thought I knew he wasn’t happy, that he always looked at men.”
“No, Chad, he never did. Not before you gave an interview that got the right man into town. Tough luck if you planned on snatching Jared for yourself.”
Chad actually cringes, steps back a little, but at the same time just looks more and more confused. Sandy thinks Chad really doesn’t know, or even understand, what he caused, what kind of identity crises he'd started.
Sandy sighs, opens her door and then turns back to Chad. He's slumped down against the wall of her house.
“Come on in and I’ll tell you. Be careful, though. I'm drunk, mad and I've recently started to slap people.”
+ Jared's draped all over Jensen, clinging to him like his life depends on it and seeing as Jared's kind of is a lost cause, Jensen doesn’t mind at all. He just wishes it would happen for another reason, other than the one where Jared is drunk out of his mind.
Jensen knew it would happen the second Mike and Jared stepped into the bar. Jensen hasn't Jared like this before, but then he hasn't known Jared all the long either. He just figures that every man who just cancelled his wedding must look like crap.
They hadn’t talked at the bar, at least not much. But drinks passed between them and Jared’s friends were there, though none of them seemed to judge him, or even say anything. Of course, they were all there for Jared anyway.
While Jensen is far from being sober, but he's not smashed and he finds he can just barely navigate the streets toward Jared’s house. He tries not to enjoy the feeling of Jared under his hands. He still shudders when Jared’s breath puffs against his neck where Jared’s head rests on his shoulder.
“Pretty …” Jared slurs in Jensen ear. Jensen has to suppress a shiver again, a shiver that might send them both tumbling to the ground, especially with the way Jared seems to slip further out of Jensen’s arms with every step they take.
Pretty? Is Jared talking about anything relevant? Jensen doesn’t even dare to think what it's about.
“Huh?” Is all he says.
“Pretty drunk.”
“Yeah, buddy ... that you are.”
“Is so mean … Shad. Why’s he doing this to me? Never ever told … like, you know … anybody.”
Jensen blinks. He isn’t sure what that means.
“Told what?”
“’Bout the dreams. Saw wedding, but not with Sandy. With man. Like you, green. Yes and all that. Just a dream, ya know? Nothin' … Nothin' to it. Jen?”
Jensen is finally sure what to feel. He's almost positive that it’s just the alcohol talking and now he's going to have to deal with the freak out he'd been waiting for. Jensen doesn’t like his own thoughts, but they're yelling and telling him not to fall for it. Not to trust Jared, especially not right now. Despite Sandy’s words in the bar, Jensen isn’t sure if it’s true. If he isn’t just someone for Jared to latch on to.
He feels like a rebound and that’s not fair to either of them.
“Come on, Jared. We're almost there. Have to get you home and into bed.”
“Bed. Bed is good. You know, always wanted to be an actor. Had it in college. Acting and teaching it. Might do that when they fire me.”
“Jay. Nothing's decided.”
Jared just nods against Jensen’s neck and tries to curl himself further around Jensen’s body. It makes walking a little difficult. Jensen doesn’t mind, though. But he can't help feeling a little pathetic.
Maybe he's a tiny bit more drunk than he thought. Because he doesn’t remember how they make into the house or how they land on the bed. And he sure as hell don’t remember how they ended up kissing each other's breath away. Or how they started humping and groping. And he definitely doesn't remember how one of Jared’s hands ended up inside his jeans, while the other hand curled into Jensen’s hair. And he'd really like to remember that.
Jared’s hand on his cock and the words leaving the mouth pressed against Jensen’s ear make Jensen gasp. He thrusts against the warmth and solidness of Jared’s body. Jensen squirms, moves against Jared, so close to coming and not really caring.
It’s frantic. Maybe like a goodbye. Like Jared will wake up in the morning and regret everything and Jensen will have nothing else to do but hand in his report and leave. Jensen, in his frantic state of mind, doesn’t have the capacity to think clearly about anything except Jared underneath him.
The thing is, it’s good, or as good as drunken sex can be and Jensen discovers he doesn’t want it do end. He wants to curl up against Jared and just have this.
But then Jared goes and breaks his heart all over again. They're lying on the bed, sweaty and all messed up. Jared’s arms wound tight around Jensen, his mouth close to Jensen’s cheek. He trails lazy kisses across skin, yawning from time to time.
Jensen is pretty sure that Jared is about to fall asleep when Jared opens his mouth against Jensen’s skin.
“Need to tell you …”
“What?”
“Sandy and me … Sandy.”
The breath Jensen tries to take hurts. It hurts like nothing else ever has. He knew it. Knew it and didn’t do anything to stop this train wreck from happening. It’s his own damn fault. His own fault for not realising it sooner.
Of course he had to go and fall for the straight guy. The straight guy that gave him hope, only to smash it again. The straight guy that obviously is still in love with his fiancé or whatever she is now. This is just a drunken mistake and Jensen doesn’t even try to tell himself that maybe it's more.
Because it obviously isn’t for Jared.
Jared's fallen asleep, deep and it makes it easy for Jensen to slip out of his arms and out of the bed. Jensen needs to go. He needs to be gone by the time Jared wakes up. His job here is done and there's nothing else to do but go home and get over it. It wasn’t serious to begin with, so it'll be easy to forget.
If only Jensen wasn't lying to himself. He knows he's never fallen that fast before.
He slips out of the house, and out of the town, almost unnoticed. Only Mike gets a goodbye, and even then he tries to talk Jensen into staying. He gets Jensen’s telephone number. Just in case.
Jared wakes up to messy clothes and an empty bed. He remembers everything and almost cries when he realises what Jensen must think. He knows Jensen is gone as soon as he walks into Mike’s bar. The look on Mike's face tells him everything he needs to know.
And as much as he wants to grab Mike and yell until he tells Jared where Jensen is, he can’t. It's Graduation Day and he sure as hell won't abandon his students on such an important day. Even if it'll probably cost him his job. He discovers that he just doesn’t care about it anymore.
Of course, the rest of the day isn’t what Jared expected it to be.
As it turns out none of the parents really complained about him, some just asked questions and Mayers turned the questions into something more than they were. Students stand up for him, parents stand up for him and in the end, Chad shows up. Jared almost punches him, gets as far as raising his hand, but then Chad actually apologizes. Not only to him, but to the whole town.
Chad, who never really took responsibility for his actions, stands on the podium and tells the truth. The fact that Jared actually went a fell for a guy ends up being pretty secondary to the fact that Chad is apologizing. The whole town stands up for Jared, making it possible for him to direct the play and be with his students when they graduate.
Jared quits his job right after graduation. No one really blames him, but everyone, including the parents, are sad. They promise they'll miss him, but he can tell they're secretly relieved.
And then he's alone.
For a second, he doesn’t know what to do. He just stands there, then suddenly he looks around. He sees that Chad is there. Chad, Sandy and his parents. Somehow they managed to force him into going to Mike asking for what he really wants.
By the time he has Jensen’s phone number, he's begged and then ended telling Mike everything about the night. In great and excruciating detail, and then begged some more. Jared should be mad that Mike seemed to enjoy it a little too much, but he's not.
Especially because, in the end, Mike caves, saying something about not wanting to be the one to prevent epic love from being epic and hands over the number.
Jared actually jumps over the counter and kisses him. He thinks, amused, that he's never seen Mike stunned and speechless. Jared actually feels slightly proud of himself.
He leaves that same evening, on the way to Dallas. He can't reach Jensen when he call, just one of his roommates, who doesn’t really know where Jensen is. So, Jared hopes, he’ll find him when he gets there.
He has to.
There is no way he can let things remain unfinished. There's no way that he's going to let it go and make the hurt and heartache useless.
In the car, on the way to Dallas, Jared rediscovers the “How to be a real man” CDs in his glove department. Seeing them makes something click inside. He isn’t just trying to explain everything to Jensen just so maybe they can be friends in the end.
No, he thinks, he wants Jensen. He doesn’t know why or how. He just knows that it’s Jensen he wants.
Jensen can’t believe he's here. Can’t really believe that he actually has to defend his report on Jared and the decision to let him direct the play on Graduation Day. Because that was his last act, telling Mayers he had no right to ban Jared without an official paper saying he could.
His decision to take Chris up on his offer was solidified the second he left Blue Haven. No way would he just go and sit in Dallas and brood over everything. He just isn’t the type.
He only wishes he’d had a chance to see Jared before he'd left. Just to say goodbye or ... or something. To not let things end like they did that night. To maybe, hopefully, wish him luck with Sandy, even if it kills him to just think about it.
He's in and out of the building in ten minutes. He never thought quitting a job could feel this good. Chris is there, waiting for him. Jensen’s things in a bag in the trunk of the car, ticket booked the second Jensen had called him.
Chris gets a call from Tom the very first evening they're in LA, but refuses to tell Jensen what it’s all about. Jensen doesn’t pry too much, he's still way too occupied with what had happened in Texas.
The moment he sees Jared standing in the entrance of the bar Chris and his band are playing in, Jensen knows he should have pried.
It’s like he's paralyzed. He can’t move, not toward Jared, but not away from him either. So he just stands there stupidly and stares. Pretty much a repeat of their first meeting, though this time they're both aware of each other.
Maybe a little too aware, because Chris sends them off to a room backstage.
Jared's there and Jensen doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t trust his voice or his ability to form coherent sentences. His heart beats so loud in his ears that he's sure Jared can hear it.
“Hi.”
“Jared. What …Why?”
“Ssssh. Let me speak. Please. It didn’t work so well the last time. I wanted to tell you that you got it totally wrong that night. Yes, I was drunk. Yes, I was desperate and confused and maybe a little close to freaking the hell out…”
“Not really reassuring to hear that, Jared.”
“Just let me talk, Jensen. Please. But that night ... it wasn’t a mistake or whatever you thought it was. I wanted to tell you that Sandy broke up with me. That Sandy and I just ... we just aren’t anymore. But I kind of fell asleep on you .. and I am sorry. I am so sorry I messed up again.”
Jensen doesn’t really believe what he's hearing. Doesn’t trust it. Not yet. But then Jared smiles. The real smile, the one Jensen first saw at the diner, with dimples and sparkling eyes. The smile that says Jared is happy.
“What are you saying, Jared?”
“I'm saying that I don’t know how it happened. I just know that it happened. I'm not that stupid character in of Chad’s book, but he was kind of right about the gay thing. Only that I'm not actually all that much interested in men.”
“You’re not?”
Jensen knows it’s stupid, but he needs to hear it. Needs Jared to say it, to mean it. He smiles a little, because the chances are high that Jared will say what Jensen needs to hear.
“No. Not really. I am just kind of gay for you. Have been since the first time I saw you. And it steamrolled me, completely. It’s … Mike says it’s epic.”
Jensen can’t help but crack up. Because yes, that sounds like Mike. Even Jensen can see that.
“Epic, huh?”
“Very.”
Jared is close, hands on either side of Jensen’s face and his tilting Jensen’s head to one side. His mouth hovers over Jensen's, who curses and calls Jared a tease. The smile Jensen gets kind of melts his heart and makes up for the heartbreak of the last several days.
“Just to be clear, I'm in love with you.”
Jensen just nods and claims Jared’s mouth. It’s his now, after all.
“Yeah. Yeah, I got that. Me too, by the way.”
“Oh ,and I kind of quit my job. Think LA is the right town for starting an acting career?”
Jensen laughs out loud and pulls Jared close again. He can’t believe this is happening, but he sure as hell won’t complain, either.
Three years later
+ 
, The free beer is placed in front of him and Mike sends him one of his big grins. Jared misses those occasionally, but he's happy with his life now. And the surprise of coming back here is something he likes and looks forward to.
“You all alone, Jay?”
Jared laughs, as if that's really a question anymore.
“No. My mom was just faster than Jen and grabbed him before we could come inside. He let me go because he doesn’t want me to endure my mom’s awesome plans . I just think he wants to bribe me into blow jobs while taking over the planning duties.”
Mike laughs at that. Jared likes the sound.
"Awww, poor Jensen.”
“He deserves it. It was his idea to let her plan the big party, after all. Sometimes I think my mom loves him more than me.”
“Of course she does. I am perfect.”
Arms slide around him from behind, and Jared can’t help but smile that goofy smile Mike always makes fun of.
“Hi.”
“Hey there.”
Jared turns in Jensen's arms and presses a soft kiss to Jensen’s smiling mouth. He loves that he can do that now, in public. He loves that no one would dare to say anything to him.
“God, you two are sickeningly sweet. Get a room.”
Mike laughs again and slaps Chad with one of the towels slung across the bar. Chad just shrugs and then hoots with laughter. Jared settles against Jensen and smiles at his friends and family surrounding them.
Chad eventually moved back into his childhood home. He bought the house and neighbouring one, so that he and Sandy could have their own private mansion. Yes, he and Sandy. Jared still doesn’t really know how that happened and he won't pry, but he's discovering that people are full of surprises.
“So, why the huge party anyway?”
Jared just shrugs and leans back against Jensen, enjoying being home, in more than one sense.
“Meg’s graduation. Me getting a new role. The acting school finally getting taken care of. Jensen being ‘the’ publisher of the year. Our anniversary. Take your pick. Mom just loves parties and loves it even more when she gets to plan them.”
Mike nods. Oh yes, he knows. Jared thinks Mike still regrets letting her remodel the bar and organising his big re-opening. It had been epic, to use Mike’s favourite word.
“Well then, welcome home boys.”
The End
