"The worst mistake is giving up (You are part of everything)" (4/7)

[icebear_cw]

***

VII.


Three months later,
19th July 2007


That evening of the barbeque changed something between them.

It were subtle changes at first. Touches that lingered too long, looks that were too intense. It was like Jared was seeking reassurance that everything was okay despite the tension between them and Jensen was willingly granting it.

Jensen had no idea how much Jared remembered of that night, if he heard Mike or not. They never spoke about it but Jensen felt like the tension had grown tenfold since that day.

More than once he caught himself watching, even staring, at him, and marvelling the fact that a man that tall could actually by as graceful as Jared was. He would think about how it might be to have Jared close, in his arms even. How it would feel to have Jared going all strong and powerful with him.

It certainly didn’t help that Jared seemed to have no understanding of the concept of personal space. The thing that Jensen was actually annoyed about was just how fast he had gotten used to it.

They seemed to gravitate toward each other without wanting to and not really doing anything to stop it. Not actively anyway. There were so many things going against them that it seemed like that those exact things were pushing them closer instead.

Jensen found it harder with every passing week to keep his distance, to not slip and refer to Jared as a friend or to their relationship as a friendship. When they started to meet up at other places than the office Jerry had set up for them at PCCM and when JD started to more and more work with Mike and Jerry instead of them, Jensen knew something was going on.

He was changing. Jensen knew it and it was most likely attributed to Jared. Jared and his way of invading Jensen's time and life. Even Chris had remarked on Jensen being awfully cheery which had resulted in a heated discussion about keeping each other’s heads out of their respective love lives and Steve actually slapping both of them.

Jensen regretted not having enough time to catch up with them anymore, especially now that he needed someone to talk to. Mike wasn’t exactly helpful with the matter since he was all about playing matchmaker when he wasn’t busy chasing after Tom or working with Jerry.

The effect Jared had on Jensen's life was clearly visible. Jared left traces, huge footprints all over. Jensen had to admit that it was a nice feeling, though. It was nice to realize that there indeed was more to life than work. Jared was unlike any other person Jensen had ever met. Even Mike and Sandy were smitten with him, and that said a lot.

Jared had begun to bring his sketches to the meetings. He would draw while Jensen was working on the new contract offers or was on the phone with the Harris’ lawyers. But every time Jensen wanted to look or ask what Jared was doing, the sketches were put away and Jared just either said it would be a graphic novel some day or he just gave Jensen a shy smile.

It turned into some kind of private joke between them, something like ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’ thing, because Jared had also started up to ask Jensen to sing or just to show him some songs.

Jensen would ask how the superhero drawing was getting along, because he had no real idea about graphic novels anyway, and Jared would ask how many songs he had written lately.

The thing was Jensen hadn’t written anything in ages and for some reason he didn’t want Jared to know. Jensen actually tried to find reason why this wasn’t a good idea. Even once tried to play the lawyer-client card but Jared had just snorted, then had blushed and mumbled something about it being too late for that but had refused to repeat it again when Jensen had asked him to.

The kicker though was that Jared made him want to write again. It had all his alarm bells ringing, but Jensen had gotten good at ignoring them in the last months.

Not only did Jared become a fixed part of his live he also changed so many little details that Jensen had a hard time keeping up with the changes. Little things like his meticulously planned schedule of his days, his own little quirks about timing and planning, all that suddenly seemed to be useless. All due to the force that was Jared Padalecki.

Jared had dragged him all over San Antonio, showed him the places he grew up or which were his favourites. Jared managed to get him out of the house, or in his case, his hotel suite, and made him forget work longer than anybody else ever had in the last years.

And if Jared was there the dogs were, too. Harley and Sadie were as much part of his days now as Jared was and Jensen found himself missing them when they weren’t there, constantly running around or lounging close to them so that they wouldn’t miss any good action.

They brought warmth back into his life, a calm quality to his days and it wasn’t a rare occurrence anymore that Jensen thought that maybe this was what had been missing. That ‘something’ he never knew how to explain. Sleepless nights were common, spent thinking about what exactly he was doing and why he wasn’t stopping it.

Three months working only with Jared, and Jensen was sure he was farther from being just a lawyer to Jared than he could ever be. His resolve was crumpling; it was being destructed day by day and at some point Jensen had stopped trying to fight it. These days, just looking at Jared had him zoning, daydreaming even.
It was not professional at all. And it was something he couldn’t stop anymore.

But Jensen couldn’t deny that it was making him feel good, better than he had felt in years. Jared talking, rambling even, smiling and sometimes laughing that barking laughter Jensen had heard the first time they met, all of that drew Jensen closer.

Each day they spent together strengthened the pull toward Jared. Jensen didn’t know what to think or feel anymore. It was confusing him more than he thought it would or should.

That wasn’t good. Not good at all. Falling for a client, no matter if the client was falling right back, was probably one of the dumbest ideas he could have had. And falling was what was happening. And Jensen was defenceless.

“Hey, where were you?”

“Huh? Sorry… what?”

A cup of steaming coffee appeared in his field of vision which probably was just a way of JD getting him to focus again. He had done it again, had been daydreaming during work. Jensen seriously wondered why he ever allowed himself to be called a professional. This wasn’t anywhere near being one.

“You back with me? You seemed years away.” JD was smiling, a knowing smile even. Jensen tried not to wince or even worse to blush. Sometimes he had the feeling that JD knew exactly what was going on, that JD was more of a father to Jared than Jerry would ever be. He could be wrong but he doubted it and JD’s comments, about how amazing it was that Jared and Jensen had hit it off so well after the initial problems, were evidence enough for Jensen.

“I am sorry. It’s been a long day already and I was thinking about too many things at once. I am really sorry, Jeff. I am not really helping here huh?”

It drew a deep laugh out of JD, who had been going over new files and some faxes he had gotten that morning when Jensen had zoned out again.

“Not really, but that’s okay. With this junk coming in every hour we sure as hell have earned a break. I don’t know what they are doing, but it seems like it will go on like that until Jerry and Mike can come up with a proposal for the joint venture that will satisfy both sides. Until then, Jared and the pre-nups are open to any demands and well.. I could call them attacks. Doesn’t mean we can’t try and keep it down for the time being. Jared has to deal with enough already, I don’t want him to see all this.”

JD eyes were burning holes into the papers on the table and Jensen was sure if it had been possible they would have been on fire already. It had been going on like for the past week or so. New faxes meant new proposal and demands concerning the pre-nups.

Both Jensen and JD had agreed to not show them to Jared anymore. They seemed to have a depressing effect on him and Jensen didn’t really like it.

“It’s his birthday today.” JD said out of the blue.

Jensen’s head jerked up, he was pretty sure that he was blushing now. “I know… I wanted to… I don’t know…”

“Call him?”

“Maybe? It’s not a good idea… I mean I am just… his lawyer. Helping him to get married for Christ’s sake.”

“Look, son, I know it has been a long couple of weeks. Maybe we should take the rest of the day off.. or well you should since I did that yesterday.” JD said while sorting through two different piles simultaneously, reminding Jensen that he hadn’t managed to get much done today.

Jensen looked down at his own pile of files that he had been going through or not going through as it was. He felt guilty, he couldn’t just leave JD alone with all this work.

“I know you would rather be somewhere else. Maybe the place your mind was at?”

“He doesn’t want it, does he?” He had wanted to ask JD that since they had started to work together but he never had found the courage to do so. There in this rather relaxed mood Jensen thought it might work and get him some answers.

“No. Not at all.”

“Why is he doing it then?”

“That’s not really my place to tell you. All I can say is that I have seen him growing up, have seen the bottom drop out under his feet when his brother decided to not get into the business and all his father’s attention was suddenly directed at him. Jared has only ever known a fierce loyalty towards his family. That’s maybe one of his flaws, he cares too much.

“He cares so much that he can’t imagine saying no to his father’s plans even if it means sacrificing the rest of his life as well. If only to know that his family is safe, or well that his mother and little sister are. I couldn’t do anything else except to be there for him and listen to him. I know what he wants in life, Jensen and this isn’t it. He will only consider not doing it when we can show him a different way. So far I have come up empty handed, but I am not willing to give up just yet. There is something off with this whole deal anyway. And I’d go through hell to stop Jared from getting caught in it. He doesn’t deserve that.”

JD sighed. Then and there Jensen knew that JD wasn’t at all okay with Jerry’s plan and how it seemed to be dragging Jared down more and more.

“You like him? You want him?”

This time Jensen didn’t even mind the blush that much anymore. Those were the really important questions, weren’t they? The questions he had been asking himself for the last weeks and to which he yet had to find an answer. He could start to stutter around it, maybe even try to not answer JD directly but there wouldn’t be any use to it. He knew the answer already. He just had to say it.

It surprisingly wasn’t all that hard. “I guess… Yeah. A lot.”

“Thought so. You should see yourself when you look at him.” And there it was again, that knowing smile that Jensen couldn’t read and didn’t know how to interpret. When the words sank in though that wasn’t the last of his worries.

“Oh God, please tell me I am not the obvious. This is so not good.”

“Don’t worry. I have just been watching a little closer. You might not be the only one looking you know.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well.. how about you go and find it out? I am pretty sure I can’t do anything with you today anyway. Your mind is clearly somewhere else.”

Jensen should have been embarrassed about being that obvious, but he could only feel a spark of relief and excitement at JD’s suggestion. “I am sorry?”

“Uh huh.. Get going.”

“I don’t have a present.”

“Well, maybe the things you have to say are present enough?” JD looked like he had bitten on a sour grape, Jensen couldn’t hold back the laugh. That really had been a little too mushy.

“Okay, yes I might have a night filled with romantic comedies and a woman getting all teary eyed on me when there wasn’t a real happy ending.”

“Whatever you say. You really don’t mind me leaving you here with all this stuff?”

“No, kiddo. Just go and talk to him. Might do you both some good the way you have been dancing around each other. And don’t tell me you couldn’t have possibly known. Jared is readable like an open book if you are looking, which you have been.”

He really should have known that JD was more observant than they all suspected. He thought he might have to warn Jared as well. Jensen was out the door with a quick thanks and a grin JD only answered with one of his belly laughs.



***


It was still hot outside, the burning heat of the day gone, but the sun-heated earth was still giving it away. He had fled his own birthday party because he couldn’t stand to be around all those people anymore.

Sitting in the garden of the Padalecki residence, Jared tried to drown his mood in yet another beer. It was only his second but it was enough to numb some of the thoughts running through his head. He was glad that the flower walls were separating him from the patio doors and the rest of the porch.

They made him almost invisible from the inside.

These people inside weren’t his friends, they were his dad’s or even just business partners.
Birthday parties always had been a social event at the Padalecki household.

This year, though, Jared felt like he had everyone's attention and that wasn’t what he needed. For several minutes he had entertained the thought of getting drunk, but then he thought that none of his friends where there so he tossed the idea.

It was one of the few rules he had made for himself during college, never get drunk when no friends are close to save you. It had saved him from a lot of trouble, too. Jared wished that at least could have stayed but he had been called to the clinic earlier. Wishing for Jensen to be there was too much to hope even for him.

Jared had no idea what he was doing. He knew there was no way to be with Jensen but he had still been constantly throwing himself at the other man during the last three months. They had spent so much time together that even their friends where now hanging out together.

Jared was aware of them being watched, their friends trying to find hints and proof that there was something between them. Ever since the barbeque and them forgetting and calling each other by nicknames, they had been watched and probably even judged. Jared knew that at least Tom, Mike and Sandy were talking about them.

Along the way, it had stopped mattering that Jensen was his lawyer trying to set up his marriage. An arranged marriage that Jared was starting to hate with every fibre of his body. It was messing with his life and his mind, but he still saw no other way to help his father.

He had met his future bride several times now. Kristine Harris seemed to be nice, educated and well spoken. She was actually funny most of the times and Jared had no real problem with her being around.
But she was definitely not his type.

He had no idea how a marriage with her would look like, but he had gotten the impression that it might be a real marriage after all, at least judging from the looks she had been sending him every single time they met.

She was inside mingling with the other guests, already introducing herself as his fiancé, which was another reason why he fled.

He couldn’t stand the pitying looks he got, because almost everyone seemed to know what this was really about. The worst thing, by far, was seeing his how happy his mother was for him. She even told him that she had been worried about him, with him always studying and not having anybody to share his life with.

Jared sometimes laid awake thinking about how it might have gone down if his dad had known about him. Would he have gotten the marriage-company merger plan at all? Would there have been another way at all to save the company?

To save the family heritage? Would Jerry have gone off to find him a son instead of the daughter of one of his fiercest rivals? No way to find out now because Jared wouldn’t say it anyway. Not now, not ever.

Despite them getting closer and actually becoming something like friends Jared knew Jensen was keeping his distance, was trying to keep the client lawyer relationship in the foreground. And all that to get Jared the best out of the whole deal and for Jensen to keep his job.

Movement next to him made him look up not wanting to have any more talks with one of his father’s partners. It was his birthday party, not a business meeting but seeing how many new projects he had been offered, it might be that after all.

Danneel was smiling down at him before she grabbed two new bottles out of the ice bucket on the porch and wandered over to sit down next to him. Out of the people present, Jared would never have thought that she would be the one to be there for him.

She was the one talking to him when everything got too much and he couldn’t reach either Tom nor Chad and Sophia. Jared had no idea how that had developed but between his ever growing crush on Jensen and his panic about the whole marriage business, Danneel had kept him sane on a certain level.

He would never have thought that it would be Kristine’s sister trying to help him out. But seeing that she was the girlfriend of one of Jensen’s best friends might explain that a little. Or maybe she might actually like him after all. It had been quite funny when he and Jensen had figured out that Danneel was Riley’s mysterious girlfriend.

But Jared always held back when he told her things, he still wasn’t sure if it would have been wise to tell her everything. The only ones he every really talked to these days were JD and Tom, both of them had repeatedly told him that he was falling.

He had repeatedly told them they were crazy.

“Hey Jay. Did you flee from the circus?”

“Yes. Kind of… Just wanted to be alone for a while. It’s nice out here… and.. I dunno.”

“I get that. Believe me. It’s more like a business gathering with our dads talking about the merger and some more.. I am sorry Jay, if I had known that my dad would bring the offers along, I'd gotten to them first.”

Jared had to smile at the concern audible in her voice. He appreciated it. Looking at her from under his bangs, he was again grateful for her presence.

She was so different from her sister that Jared wouldn’t have considered them related if he hadn’t known it. He had thought he wanted to be alone but having someone there, someone he could talk to was nice. Even though it wasn’t Jensen or about Jensen.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.. just thinking. About how this is so not what I was imagining doing after I got my degree. Not at all.”

“I know, Jared. It will be okay eventually. I promise.”

There was something in her voice that made him look at her again. She wasn’t looking at him though, she was gazing over the wide expanse of the garden, was watching the torches that had been set up to illuminate the path from the gate to the house.

Couldn’t have the guests getting lost and wandering around the property. Jared almost snorted at this thought, he understood how people got the idea they were jaded. The Padalecki residence screamed money and decadence. It wasn’t his world anymore, probably never had been and now he was binding himself to it permanently.

Danneel carded a hand through her long hair, drawing Jared’s attention back to her. She sighed, smiled sadly and just took a sip from her beer. Jared had totally forgotten that they were actually in a conversation.

“What do you mean? You sound like you know something. Is there anything you want to tell me?”

“Yes.. actually… I have to talk to you about a few things. But better not here… I…”

“Hey.”

Jared jerked, looked past Danneel and couldn’t really hold back the grin. He didn’t care that it made him look like a total tool. He just didn’t care. Maybe this birthday was getting good after all.

“Jensen.”

“Hey… I am sorry. I didn’t want to interrupt or anything. Just.. I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday, Jay.”

Danneel laughed but shook her head, nodded at Jensen and stood up. She patted Jared on the head, grinned at Jensen and was about to go back into the house.

“You guys spent some time together and I’ll see if I can get you some food out here. We’ll talk later, Jay. Everything is okay. Trust me.” She winked at them, making them both blush slightly. It wasn’t a very subtle way to let them know what she was thinking.

“How did you get in? There are guards at the gate right?”

Jensen looked at him and grinned. Jared wanted to have him closer, wanted to have him next to him and feel his body heat. It didn’t matter that there was enough heat still coming off of the stones and wood of the porch. Jensen’s heat was different, almost electric.

Jared had felt it so often in the last months that he thought he might have gotten addicted to it. Addicted to Jensen as a whole.

“I just told them I had files for Jerry. It was easy. Too easy, maybe.”

“You know, I am not exactly sorry that it was easy.”

Jensen laughed and Jared didn’t want that moment to end. He knew he was pathetic as well, but Jensen’s laughter was one of the things that could really brighten up his day.

He just wished he wouldn’t hear it that rarely. Jensen almost never really laughed. He snorted, smiled, grinned and even snickered and giggled from time to time but he never really laughed.

“Yes, I thought so… I.. I don’t really have a present. I just wanted to.. or well JD said I should…” Jensen stopped again, rubbed a hand over his neck and sighed. A sure sign that he was nervous. Jared had been watching those last months; he knew some of Jensen’s ticks and what they meant now. “I am not making much sense… I am sorry. I shouldn’t…”

“Jen?” Jared was confused; he had never seen Jensen being so flustered, insecure even. It couldn’t mean anything good, could it? He didn’t know how to react other than to place a hand on Jensen’s arm and squeezed.

The same electric current that had run through them the first time was there again, making both of them jump. But Jared didn’t let go. He didn’t want to and he couldn’t.

Jared loved the feel of Jensen’s skin under his, loved the feel of the tendons and muscles moving under his fingers. Jensen was flexing his hand, another reflex. “Jensen? Did something happen?”

“No… Not really. Jared, I am not sure this was such a good idea. JD said I should talk to you and I actually want to. I just don’t know where to start. It’s complicated and I am not even sure that we are on the same page here.”

The water form the pool was reflected on Jensen’s skin. Together with the flickering light of the torches Jensen’s face was tinged in an almost mythical light again. It reminded Jared so much of the night at Tom’s that he smiled and bumped Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen had moved close so that they were sitting hip to hip, knees and arms touching as well.

“You know…. We seem to be going for the romantic setting every time we are at a party.”

It startled another laugh out of Jensen, who seemed to be looking around for the first time. “Seems like it huh? How many beers this time?

“So far? Only three, and like the last time I am telling you I am not drunk.”

“Sure, Sasquatch. You are a lightweight anyway.”

“Dude… I am not.”

Jensen was grinning at him, bumping his shoulder and just seemed to relax a little more every second that went by while they sat there. It almost seemed like Jensen was collecting all his courage and energy to be able to say what he wanted to.

Jared waited, wanted to just be there and be close.

“I so don’t know what I am doing here, Jared and I am pretty sure you’ll think I am crazy. But tell me I am wrong. Tell me there isn’t anything between us and I’ll let it be. I’ll leave you alone. It will just be work, like it should be and I will just hope not to lose my job and still be able to get the best deal for you. Just please, Jared, tell me something, anything… because I actually want to be done with making an idiot out of myself here.”

Jared gaped. He actually felt his jaw dropping. Because this? This couldn’t be. It just couldn’t be, couldn’t be happening.

This was a dream. Jared wasn’t that lucky.
Never. In no way was the man he had been dreaming of, had been pinning away over and who had seemed to be so unavailable sitting there and saying things like that.

It didn’t happen often, but Jared was speechless.

Jensen was looking down at his shoes, sneakers this time and Jared didn’t really know why he noticed that at this moment. Suddenly, he was focusing on details instead of the situation.

Jensen’s white shirt and how it fit perfectly around the shoulders. Jensen’s curved back that showed of the muscles Jared only ever dared to look at but not touch. Jensen’s hair, slightly sun bleached after the days they spent outside in the sun instead of in the office. The multitude of freckles spread over smooth skin.

Jared was drinking it in, was starting to realise that there might be a chance for him to see it more often, to see it closer, to actually be able to touch. When Jensen turned his head to look at him, Jared wasn’t sure what he was expecting to see.

The insecurity shimmering in those green depths wasn’t it. In the moment their eyes locked, Jared knew his answer. He was tired of hiding, of trying to talk himself out of it. If Jensen was giving him this chance he was going to take it.

“Uh… I.. Jen.” His voice was shot to hell, his throat was dry and he had to cough to clear it. But then he was amazed at how steady he sounded. “Yeah. You aren’t wrong. Not wrong at all.”

“Oh thank God.”

Jared knew he shouldn’t, knew that they should talk first, should talk about what it meant for them. But he couldn’t not do it. It was like he was moving without conscious effort, without really being inside his own body. It was like he was standing by, watching himself moving in close to Jensen.

The second their lips touched he was back inside his body and just jerked slightly forward, bringing them even closer together. The kiss was slow, probing, exploring each other. It was more touching of lips then anything else.

Jensen was right there with him, moving in close, wrapping his arms around him. When Jensen moved back a little they just watched each other, trying to find out what to do and how to react.

“This isn’t a good idea Jay. Not good at all.” Words whispered against his lips and Jared closes his eyes again.

“I know.”

“Yeah.”

They moved again, closer even, arms touching. Jensen’s was around his neck now, hand moving. He was massaging Jared’s muscles now, drawing a deep moan out of him.

Jared thought about stopping, about someone coming out there seeing them like that. It would ruin everything. But instead he just surged forward, catching Jensen off guard but still managing to lure him into a deeper kiss.

It was slow and sweet and everything Jared had imagined. And so much more.

Jared wanted more, so much more. Wanted it then and there. Hands moved up and down his back, scrabbled for his shirt, lifting it up and moving under. He shivered at the touch, at the intensity of the kiss. He shivered at the intensity of this whole situation. It was unexpected, almost unreal, but oh so very good. And he wasn’t ready to let go just yet. Wasn’t ready to deal.

Jared was touching heat. Pure heat that was almost liquefying his skin, heated breath against his cheek now and fingers still under his shirt. He had Jensen’s white dress shirt almost out of the sinfully tight jeans when Jensen moaned.

“God Jared… we.. I…”

“Jared? Are you out there?”

Jared cursed. His mother had a perfect timing, most of the times he didn’t mind. Most of the times it was for his own good. This time though it was the most inconvenient thing that could happen. “Shit…. Just a minute. I am coming mom.”

“Not yet.” Jensen sniggered.

“Okay, honey. We want to toast.”

Jared slight cuffed Jensen on the arm. “Wise ass.” Jensen laughed again and Jared thought he could get used to that sound. They were still embracing each other, Jensen’s one hand curled into Jared’s hair, the other under his shirt.

Jared’s position was equally compromising but neither of them moved for some time. They just enjoyed being that close as long as they could.

“I should go back inside. Search parties aren’t a novelty where I am concerned.”

“Really. You have to tell me that story one day. I should go as well…. Wouldn’t be good for me to be seen….”

“What if the guard tells?”

“Well, just tell your dad I gave the files to you and didn’t have time to stay? Or I don’t know… just tell him I just came to talk to Danneel about Riley. She won’t mind I think.”

Jared nodded, reluctantly let go of Jensen and stood up offering a hand to Jensen in the progress. Standing there, so close, still touching, but now in the light coming for the patio doors through the flower walls made it even more real.

So real that Jared almost choked on it. He had no idea what they had done, why they had done it. There was no chance for them anyway. Not without him ruining his dad’s company and the whole family with it.

Some of his shock must have shown on his face encase Jensen frowned for a second before he just drew him into a hug. Not just any hug, but one that was able to calm him down and excite him at the same time. He knew he had been this close to Jensen before, back then though it had been kind of unintentional. But he remembered the scent.

With his head on Jensen’s shoulder he breathed in deeply. This was so purely Jensen and he wanted to keep it, wanted to lock it away in his memory. Who knew when he would have the chance again to have it that close, to have Jensen that close.

“Dude, are you sniffing me?” Jared could hear the laughter in Jensen’s voice and grinned against his skin before he drew back.

“Maybe?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah… I think… “

“Jared!” This time it was his dad and this time they both flinched and drew away from each other. This so wasn’t a good position to be caught in. Not by Jerry Padalecki anyway.

“I am on my way, dad.”

There was a huff but no real answer and Jared felt the gloomy mood from before come back, headache included.

“I.. Jensen.. I don’t know if I can do that. I just… I don’t know.” Jared hated how insecure and small he sounded in that moment, hated that a single word from his father could reduce him to that and that Jensen was there to see it all.

Jensen pulled him close again. They stood like that for a few seconds, their foreheads touching, hot breath on lips and hands entangled in hair and shirts. Jensen quickly pecked him on the lips, grinned and moved away.

“I feel like Romeo here.” Jared snorted, it just made Jensen grin harder. “We talk tomorrow okay? ‘Cause we really need to.”

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll see you in the office?”

“All right.” Jensen was down the porch and already on the trail leading back to the gate when he turned around again. “Happy Birthday, Jared.” With that he was gone, vanished into the night, leaving Jared standing there with a stupid smile on his face.

This was all too good to be true. But maybe JD and Tom were right, maybe he was falling. Falling hard even. And he just hoped that someone, that Jensen would be there catching him.





***

VIII.


San Antonio
A day later,
20th July 2007


It could have been a perfect day. A day Jensen had never had before. A day with Jared, without thinking of work and without them being all awkward around each other. It could have been perfect if it hadn’t been for Jensen’s own insecurity and his need to check the office late again.

After he had left Jared the night before, Jensen had actually decided not to think too much about everything and to let things just happen. He wanted to talk to JD about how and if they could find another way to save the company and to get Jared out of everything.

He had pretty much given up any pretence that this wasn’t more than just a lawyer-client relationship. He wasn’t a fool and he knew what he was feeling. It had surprised him how easily he had actually been able to talk to Jared.

Jensen had slept pretty well that night, better than he had in months. Things suddenly seemed less threatening, more positive. He felt giddy, excited even and wondered how he could have missed that feeling during all the time he had been working with Jared. Jensen was amazed how well his denial had worked.

Jared had shown up in the office the next morning, right after Jensen had finished talking to JD. The other lawyer just smiled one of his secretive smiles, which made Jared scowl and Jensen snort, and had left them alone. Jared hadn’t come alone though. The dogs were all over Jensen the second they had the chance to.

Covered in dog hair, dog spit and two big mutts, Jensen had had no other option as to let it all happen. He did so with a grin.

Because Jared had actually looked happy and carefree for once. It didn’t happen often anymore. Jensen liked it. A lot.

The reward he had gotten for enduring the dogs was worth it. A shy kiss, followed by a deeper one and a round of groping. Jensen had thought he might let the dogs get to him more often in the future.

They had spent the morning in a park nearby, not far from the River Walk.

Jensen had to admit that San Antonio was a beautiful city. Jared had actually wandered off twice to get them food. Jensen suspected it was an opportunity for him calm his nerves and get ready to talk.

Jensen had gotten to know Jared’s way of thinking, his way of looking at his family, over the time they had been working together. It was no surprise that Jared still insisted on going through with the marriage. There was no other way for him to see it happening, no other way to save what he considered his responsibility.

Jensen once again had cursed Jerry Padalecki under his breath, in his head. He wasn’t even sure what had made Jared this loyal to his family. So loyal that he was about to give up his life, his future.

But Jensen knew Jared was aware of it, even told him that much. Jared even told him that his parents had no idea about him, didn’t know he wasn’t all that interested in playing the good husband to a wife. That Jared’s mother even thought he was in love with Kristine. All the more a reason for Jensen to try and get Jared out of the whole thing.

He tried to ignore the surge of jealousy at the mention of Jared’s future wife. He had met her several times during meetings and something didn’t sit right with him.

Something was off and it was the same feeling he had had when looking through the files for the first time, all those months ago. There was a just something that rubbed him the wrong way. And it certainly had nothing to do with the way she was all over Jared. If he had been allowed to, he would have told her to keep her hands to herself.

Jared seemed to be amused by this, though. Even seemed to be a little flattered by Jensen’s growl when he talked about Kristine. They spent a good couple of hours just being together, enjoying each other’s company.

They couldn’t have done anything in public anyway, no matter how much Jensen wanted to. He wanted to touch, to kiss every inch of golden skin, wanted to see those muscles he had felt last night and the night of the barbeque. And when Jared smiled at him, he knew he wasn’t the only one.

But when Jensen started to talk about the arranged marriage deal again something changed. It seemed like something snapped inside Jared, like he wasn’t ready to deal with it just then. It was the first time in weeks that Jensen was reminded of how young Jared still was and that he knew way too little about the other man.

Sure they had talked about their families, about growing up and having siblings. They had even talked about college and hobbies and past loves but they had never gotten deeper than the surface in the months they had been working together. Then and there Jensen had had the feeling that there were so many things to discover about Jared that it might take a while to really get to know him.

Jared didn’t even want to listen to Jensen when he started talking about the idea he and JD had had that morning. It had hurt that Jared wasn’t even willing to consider other ideas anymore. For Jensen it came close to giving up, to resign and let others rule your life. Jensen wouldn’t have thought that Jared was a person to do that, especially not with his own life and not with all the plans he had had.

Jared had sensed that something wasn’t right then. He pleaded time. Time to think it over, to clear his head and to see where this was going.

Jared wanted to take it slow, Jensen had almost joked about them taking it any slower and a snail would overtake them, but he hadn’t and Jared just smiled at him. The sadness was back in those eyes.

Jensen felt helpless, didn’t know what to do other than to go and hug Jared and tell him they would take it as slow as he needed it to be.

Jensen meant it, but he still felt rejected. Especially after Jared had actually asked him if he was really willing to be the ‘other man’. If he could live with the fact that Jared would be married, if not out of love but still married. Jensen hadn’t known an answer to that.

Not then and there, which Jared took as another sign that they should take it slow and think about it. Jensen could feel how confused Jared was, how this wasn’t just a little thing but something big happening. He didn’t want to lose the friendship they had build, didn’t want to let go of Jared and the life he had started to live again. Jared meant too much to him now.

By the time they parted, Jensen was feeling less cheerful and much more sobered up about things but he was still sure that he wanted Jared. Even if it could cost him his job, could cost him a lot that he had worked hard for. Still, he wanted Jared to be at least part of his life.

But now Jensen was fucking furious.
No, not furious. He was mad.
Mad at the world but mostly at the Padaleckis. And at himself for being such a fool and falling for the game they had so obviously been playing with him. And maybe even JD, if he was in on it as well, Jensen couldn’t tell yet.

He was still holding the paper, now crumbled in his hand. The fax had been sent to the office late this morning and because he had been spending the day with Jared he had only gotten it now. The new contract proposal complete with current numbers and new calculations attached, demanding a revision of almost everything they had settled on so far.

Jared was indeed a genius, Jensen thought. One that had learned to manipulate people as well as his father, one that didn’t have any scruples to go over other people’s careers and jobs to reach his goal. Jensen fumed, he should have followed his first impression and should have never let himself get so damn close to Jared.

Jerry Padalecki was about to take over the Harris company and would use the arranged marriage to grab Kristine’s inheritance as well. Those new numbers and calculations indicated that much. Jerry Padalecki wasn’t only using his son to accomplish that but the good reputation of CW as well.

Jensen couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe how stupid he had been. Couldn’t believe he had fallen for the puppy dog eyes and nice person act Jared had pulled on him. God, how could he have been so stupid?

It couldn’t have just been his stupid libido and those eyes couldn’t it?

Now Jared’s rejection made sense. It all made sense in Jensen’s mind. Needing time, indeed. To get everything settled and done and have the stupid lawyer as clueless as a newborn. This was truly a masterpiece and they all had fallen for it.

So much for his partnership, he wouldn’t be able to go on holding the mandate, not with the personal involvement and his feelings concerning the client. He would have to talk to Kripke and Manners about it and if it didn’t cost him his job entirely it sure as hell would cost him the partnership. But first he had to see or hear it for himself. He had to ask Jared why.

Taking his cell phone he only stopped briefly by the kitchen niche to get another beer out of the mini fridge. He wouldn’t do this without something to drink, he wouldn’t torture himself that much.

In retrospect, drinking almost half a bottle of whiskey in addition to the beers he already had might not been such a good idea. And maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to check the office mail in the mood he had been in either. It might have saved them the drama. But as things were, Jensen was just in time to get the new contract proposal handed to him by Sandy.

With the bottle half empty hanging from his hand, Jensen flopped down on his bed. He was good at drowning his sorrows and not caring about the consequences. He should have listened to Mike when the other man had told him in a drunken stupor that Jared meant trouble.

Dialling was difficult, he kept on slipping on the numbers. But he managed it. It only took two rings and then there was the voice he only an hour before would have loved to hear. The cheerful tone, as if he really was that excited to speak to Jensen.

A tiny voice in the back of his head, that sounded suspiciously like JD, said that Jared maybe even was, but Jensen didn’t listen. All the anger, hurt and heartbreak was coiling up in is stomach and he was thriving on it. It fueled the cold seeping through him.

“Jen? Everything alright?”


***


“You think this is funny don’t you?”

Jared blinked. He had never heard the icy tone before and it actually took him a second to realize that it was still Jensen on the phone. “What? Jensen? What are you talking about?”

“You know, I actually thought there was something between us. I believed you last night and this morning. I actually was stupid enough to believe it… God, you know… those puppy dog eyes are a killer. But I am sure you are aware of it. Been using them on others, too I guess. Huh?”

There was a pause and Jared didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do. Jensen was slurring now, sounded drunk and exhausted. Jared was confused, he had thought after this morning things would actually be looking up but now he wasn’t sure anymore. What happened that had Jensen drinking like that?

“What..?”

“Shut up. Don’t say a fucking work. I know what you and your father are up to. Using that fucking marriage as a take over action. Using Mike and me and our fucking firm to make it legal. God, and I felt bad for you. Should feel bad about Kristine instead. For having to marry such a manipulative bastard.”

“Jen… I don’t know…”

“I said shut the fuck up! And don’t call me that. It’s Mister Ackles for you Mr. Padalecki. I actually bought that innocent act. All this shit about daddy being so bad to you. And you have been working with him all along. You betrayed me, you asshole. And I guess you are sitting there all gleeful and rubbing your hands that your plan worked out huh? Guess what? Not with me… I am not helping you with that any longer. Do the fucking take over on your own and get married or whatever…. I am out of it. I should call the FBI on you for that. Oh maybe I’ll do that. Would serve your clan right. Rotting in prison.”

Jared had no idea what was going on but hearing Jensen say those words, hearing the icy tone broke him. It hurt like nothing had ever hurt before. He clutched the phone close, not even thinking about hanging up, slid down the step he was sitting and stared blankly into the room.

“Jen?” It was more a sob then anything else but Jared couldn’t feel embarrassed about it. He felt like crying anyway. Felt like crumbling to the floor, curling up to his dogs and not thinking about anything anymore.

The answer to his question was a click and the dial tone, leaving him shattered and confused. The tear that slid down his cheek was just the first of many to come, he just refused to acknowledge the fact that he was crying. He never cried. Not anymore. His heart was breaking and it had been such a perfect day.


***


The knock at his door startled him. Jensen groaned, his head was killing him and his mouth felt like something had died in it. He blinked at the bedside clock and cursed. Who the hell would try and visit him at 1am?

It better had to be good. He rarely got any visitors and if so it was either Jared or JD coming by to discuss files and numbers or to drag him out. Mike never knocked anyway. Jensen couldn’t even imagine what he would do if it was Jared. He still hadn’t calmed down enough to be able to face the other man. But he doubted Jared would dare to show up now.

He doubted he would see the other man ever again. Not after what had just happened. Not after what he had said to him. Rubbing a hand over his face Jensen didn’t know if he should be horrified about himself or feel sick first.

A second knock had him jerk up, groan pitifully and then manage to walk to the door. He barely had time to step aside when JD was already barging in with a furious look on his face and waving papers at him.

“Those bitches are playing us.”

“Uhm.. Huh?”

So JD had obviously not been in on it.

“Read that. I just got that. It’s from the Harris’ company. God, I should have know something like that was going on. Oh and you look like shit.”

“What is that?”

JD plopped down on the couch, looked at the whiskey bottle with a raised eyebrow but didn’t comment on it. Instead he put his briefcase on the table and proceeded to pull out more folders and papers.

Jensen blinked away the crust in his eyes and started to read. With every line his read his heart sank more, with every line the realization that he might have just ruined his life and maybe even his job settled in.

Jensen felt sick and it wasn’t because of the half bottle of whiskey in his system.

“Where did you get that from?”

“Alona. She couldn’t reach you during the day and sent it to my office instead. Said it was sent in from New York during noon. From your old firm, who is working with Harris’s lawyers from what I get. She said some one of your colleagues thought something wasn’t right with the official version that was sent out in the morning. He remembered this and thought since you are on the case you should have it as well. Seems like Harris was planning to take over everything once the marriage contract was settled. Doesn’t look nice at all.”

A chocked up sound left Jensen and he was down on his knees before he even knew what was happening.

“Hey, hey easy. What the hell is going on with you?” JD was squatting at his side, arms around him to keep him from falling forward. Jensen felt close to hyperventilating. He deserved it.

“Jay… Oh God… I…”

“What? Jensen, come on what happened.”

The only thing Jensen could do was to point at the fax he had gotten that evening. JD though got the hint, grabbed the papers and scanned through them.

“Oh hell…. That says the total opposite from the one I just got. When did that get in?”

“This.. this morning. I.. I called Jay after I read, after the bottle.”

“Oh Jensen. What did you say to him?”

Jensen swallowed hard, looked up at JD and started to spill everything. He told him about the night before, about the park and Jared’s plea for time.

He talked about how he had gotten the papers and what he had thought. He told JD everything. It probably was one of the most embarrassing moments in his life but Jensen knew he deserved no better. Jensen basically bared his soul.

JD was silent when Jensen finished. He stood, went into the bathroom and emerged with a cup of water, which he handed Jensen.

“Sober up. We have work to do.”


PART 5