"The worst mistake is giving up (You are part of everything)" (3/7)

[icebear_cw]

***

V a.

Same night


Black nothingness stared back at him, the garden beneath him only lit by the moonlight which was shining through the window. This was one of his favourite places in the house, the windowsill of the topmost window of the roof, which lead out to the roof garden. Jared always fled here when things were too much and he needed space and time to think.

Jared wasn’t able to forget those eyes, wasn’t able to forget the way those lips curled up in a smirk or a small smile when someone said something funny or sarcastic. Jared simply couldn’t forget the man attached to the eyes and the lips.

Jared suddenly knew what his mom had meant when she had told him at 14 after his first broken heart that he would know when he was in love again and that nothing in the world could compare to that. He knew she had been right.

And he cursed himself for his inexplicable bad timing. Because this was certainly not the right time to develop a heavy crush or fall on first sight or do whatever it was his body and mind decided to do. And really, his lawyer of all people?

A lawyer who Jared was sure didn’t even spend a single second outside the meetings thinking about him. Why should he? It wasn’t like Jared had walked in with a sign hanging around his neck saying he was gay and available. And even if he had, this was still Texas and almost no one in a position like Jensen would actually out himself.

And who exactly said that Jensen would be interested anyway? There was no way Jared would ever find out, though. If the circumstances were different. If Jared was not about to be married to a woman he barely knew to save his family’s company, and even then, Jared wasn't sure he would dare to try and flirt with Jensen.

So thinking about what ifs and maybes wasn’t going to help any.

This situation was just seriously out of his league and Jensen’s sudden cool behaviour after they were introduced wasn’t really doing anything for Jared’s self esteem. The consequences of his decision to agree to the marriage plan were starting to weigh down on him. There was no way out of it anymore, which meant he’d probably never have the chance to fall in love again or actually be the man he wanted to be.

Jared didn’t even feel the tears running down his cheek, all he could feel was the clenching of his heart and all he saw were green eyes and a cool smirk.


***


Jensen was haunted. Haunted by sad eyes and a smile he had seen full force and directed at him. If he had thought seeing the eyes on photos had been bad he hadn’t been counting on it to be even worse when subjected to them in person.

Not only the sadness in them made him ache, but the laughter when it actually reached those eyes made his skin tingle and fight the urge to grin like a loon. Jensen was pretty sure those eyes would eventually mean his downfall, he just wasn’t sure in what way. So far, he was inclined to think that it couldn’t be good.

He was haunted by the image of a grown man looking so small under the guiding tone and lectures his father laid on him that his heart ached with fury and deeply seeded compassion. All that for a man he barely knew. He wondered if Jared even knew what he was doing. Jensen thought he didn’t, which made it even harder not to feel sorry for the fucked up situation in general and for Jared especially.

Lying there on his bed in a hotel suite that would be his home for the next few months he wasn’t able to compromise the image of the man he had seen in the meeting and the image he still had firmly planted inside his head, the one constructed out of gossip, glossy magazine articles, business papers and a not so healthy amount of prejudices based on his own experiences with the upper class.

This was going to be a hell of a case and not only because it looked like the negotiations were already about to get stuck in the first round, but also because Jensen was aware that he’d have to fight himself and his own moral standards as well as the feelings creeping up on him.

His enthusiasm for the case had cooled considerably over the last few days. And thinking about Jared Padalecki more than about the case itself wasn’t doing anything to improve his mood.

He firmly told himself not to get involved, not to invest too much into it and certainly not to allow his feelings to rule his actions. And even though he was thoroughly exhausted, sleep wouldn’t come for a long time.


***


Down in the lobby of the same hotel, Sandy was ready to fall over and only wake up again when she was ready. Mike, though, was still trying to figure out how to get the barkeeper to give them free drinks without really flirting with him.

“Come on Mike, I wanna go to bed. It’s late, I am drained and almost dead on my feet. Please.” Sandy wasn’t above pleading if she had to, she would even go as far as whining and begging to get to bed but Mike had her purse and therefore her key safely tugged under his arm. She wasn’t sure how it got there, but with Mike you never knew.

“Yeah, yeah.. okay. Let’s go.” Mike had actually given up on the barkeeper and resigned himself to raiding his mini bar once he was in his room.

“So what do you think?” He asked when they entered the elevator going up to their suites. Mike couldn’t help it he was curious, he wanted to know if Sandy saw the same things he did.

“Huh?” Sandy really wasn’t up to any conversation that required more than one-word answers. She felt like she was falling over just from the strain of looking up at Mike from where she was leaning against the elevator wall.

“Jensen. Jared. Any opinion?”

“Trouble. I can tell you that much. They mean trouble. Jensen looked at Jared as if he wanted to ravish him right then and there. He tried to bury it but I saw him looking. Same goes for the Jared kid. Guy’s so smitten it’s not even funny anymore. And if I could see that with only looking once… Mike… this will be epic. ‘S all I am saying now. Too tired to be thinking. Bed now.”

When they reached the floor Sandy was already half asleep and Mike almost carried her to her room. Leaving her with a good night, Mike made his way through the hallway thinking back to the meeting. It had been interesting to say the least and Mike was sure that neither Jensen nor Jared Padalecki had been able to grasp the sheer force of the sparks flying between them. They had mostly been to busy to hide and not look at each other, well or Jensen was trying to hide. Jared had been openly staring.

At least now Mike knew what Jensen’s type was. And he couldn’t deny himself to feel some kind of appreciation for the man’s taste. Sandy had been right. There would be trouble. Mike only hoped it wouldn’t turn into anything nasty considering what was at stake for both Jared and Jensen.



***

V b.


San Antonio
A month later,
April 2007


Life settled into a kind of routine over the following month. Jared settled into his new position at the company. He still managed to work at the clinic while he desperately tried to come to terms with the decision he had made and worked on pre-nup contracts with Jensen.

He even found a place to stay at and have his dogs with him. Okay not so much found as being talked into taking Chad’s loft since Chad wouldn’t live there anyway, once Sophia and him would be back.

They had argued about rent and money but in the end he had been kind of powerless against Chad’s arguments. Chad being logical still threw him sometimes.

So he had his own place now, had his dogs with him. It could have been perfect. Everything seemed to have taken on such a level of normalcy again that he sometimes asked himself if everything was really happening. Then Jensen would show up with a new contract offer and Jared had to concede to the fact that it was indeed happening.

Working with Jensen, having him close almost every day and having him sit in meetings did things to Jared no one before ever had. Jensen had explained why it was crucial for his work to see how Jared did his. Spending so much time with Jensen didn’t make it easy to accept that Jensen was just his lawyer and nothing else.

Jared was pretty sure he was about to develop a major crush on him though. Every time he was with Jensen, it was hard to concentrate on anything else but the man himself. And sometimes Jared even had the feeling that he wasn’t the only one trying to avoid the elephant in the room.

Jensen’s hidden looks weren’t as hidden as he thought they might be. He tried hard not to let the hope grow any stronger. It would hurt too much in the end anyway.

JD was amused, but told him that Jensen was indeed very good at his job and probably wouldn’t do anything to endanger that or the contract negotiations by starting something with a client. If he was interested at all.

JD just smiled, no he smirked, at Jared’s inquiry what he thought about the topic but said nothing else. Sometimes Jared hated that JD could pull the being mysterious crap without looking like a total douche.

So Jared tired to avoid spending more time with Jensen than necessary. Just to make it easier on himself. Having a crush was okay but having to work and see said crush every day wasn’t. It worked most of the time.

Until one day almost a month into their solely professional and business based relationship. It wasn’t Jared’s fault that the world was so small. How could he have known that Jensen’s best friends were the band that had helped him through college with their music?

Or that said band was playing in San Antonio and where invited to the same barbeque Jared had been dragged to by Tom after a shift at the vet clinic. A barbeque Tom and Mike were holding at Tom’s new place.

It had taken some persuasion on Tom’s part to get Jared to agree. He wasn’t really in the mood to meet people these days. The mention of Jensen being invited might have helped with the persuasion, though Jared would deny it, but deep down he knew why he had agreed.

The barbeque was held in Tom’s backyard complete with candles and torches staked out so that there was enough light. The grill had been set up on the porch and when Tom and Jared arrived, Mike had it already going.

The sun was about to vanish, casting everything in an orange glow, the torches added their flair to the atmosphere and Jared felt he could relax for the first time in days.

He hadn’t wanted to leave his dogs behind but then one of his new neighbours had volunteered to watch them. Jared thought she wanted to impress him, Tom thought she wanted into Jared’s pants.

Tom had kept the beer going but Jared had actually switched to water, so he wasn’t that plastered when the other guests finally started to show up.

And then Jensen had been there, surprised to see Jared and even more surprised that Mike’s Tom was actually one of Jared’s best friends. Jensen actually seemed more relaxed and open.

Wearing jeans and a white shirt instead of the ever present suit. Jared had half expected him to be wearing Armani instead of Levis. Not that he minded either choice. But seeing Jensen like that always made his stomach flip a little more. Jensen smiled more, laughed occasionally and wasn’t trying to keep his distance for once. Jared certainly didn’t mind.

Jared liked to think that he and Jensen had actually formed some kind of friendship over the last month, even though he was pretty sure the other man wasn’t thinking the same. But Jared wanted to pretend that they did.

He'd gotten to know the lawyer, had learned that Jensen had spent some years in New York but loved to live in Texas. Jared had learned how Jensen liked his coffee and that he couldn’t function in the morning without it .

Little details were carved into his mind and he wouldn’t forget them any time soon. Just little things, but Jared was happy knowing them. Details like the fact that Jensen hated to be called Mr. Ackles but had nothing against Jen. All those little things that usually meant nothing but had Jared smiling when he thought about them.

But sometimes Jared tried not to think, not to look, not to take everything in and store it away inside his mind. He tried and failed. Because Jared had also learned that Jensen didn’t have anybody at home waiting for him which made him insanely happy and totally depressed at the same time.

He’d be a married man very soon and Jensen was still just his lawyer. Not that it was enough reason for him to stop dreaming about Jensen or occasionally taking some private time in the shower to images of Jensen on his mind. Jared thought it was only natural. He would go crazy otherwise, he had never been good dealing with tension like that.

Jared knew he was being childish, but he couldn’t suppress the joy and happiness surging up in him every time Jensen was looking his way and smiled. He was sure it wasn’t directed at him but he liked to pretend.

At least for this evening. He liked to pretend that he was among friends and could forget the outside world. Staring at Jensen kind of helped. Jensen looking back sometimes was even better.

He was staring at Jensen again. Staring at the shadows dancing over Jensen’s cheekbones, illuminating him in an almost mythical way. He was so focused on it that he actually kind of startled when the guy that had introduced himself as Christian Kane started up telling him about his band again and the music and about writing songs. It should have been embarrassing that it took Jared more than an hour to get the light bulb to flash in his mind.

But when it did he couldn’t hold it back.


***


“You guys are Kane? Really?”

Jensen almost snorted out his beer through his nose when he heard Jared blurting. Jared’s flaming face and Chris astonished blink were almost comical. Mike thought so, at least, and he was laughing outright. Over the last month Jensen had learned to expect such outburst from Jared from time to time. The other man was someone who spoke his thoughts, mostly anyway.

Chris nodded, surprised by the sudden outburst, but frowned a little and Jensen knew he was expecting to get shit for his music or something like that. It happened from time to time.

Some college guys thought they had to impress their girlfriends by playing macho and would come up to Chris or Steve to start a fight or complain about how Kane’s lyrics and songs were confusing their girlfriends or how the music was too gay anyway. But one look at Jared, and Jensen had to bite back his laugh and almost snorted into his beer again instead.

Jared was actually bouncing up and down on his toes now, beaming at Chris. He was dangerously close to one of the torches but somehow managed not to burn himself. The lights flickering over Jared’s skin gave it a deeper tan than it already was.

Making him glow, making him look happy.

This was the biggest smile Jensen had ever seen gracing Jared’s features. It was breathtakingly gorgeous and it made his heart beat a little faster.

So much for not getting involved and this evening being just a night out with friends. Well, it might have been a night like that, but that was before he realised the Tom had invited Jared. Jensen didn’t mind it as much as he told himself he should. This was probably starting to be a problem very soon.

“You guys got me through college and Cambridge.”

“Huh?” Steve was blinking confusedly almost as if it would help to decipher what Jared was talking about, Chris just looked like he thought Jared had lost his mind. Jensen couldn’t even blame him, he thought the same considering the crazy grin Jared was sporting and the bouncing that had increased even more.

If that was Jared being nervous, Jensen didn’t want to know what he looked like when he was really dealing with a case of nerves. So far, that still had yet to happen. Jared was always cool and collected during meetings. Professional to the core, which impressed Jensen more than he wanted to admit.

If Jensen would have used such words he would have even dared to say that Jared was cute despite the fact that he was maybe a bit more drunk than Jensen had originally thought. Jared just bounced some more, seemingly unaware of the looks he was getting from the group.

Dimples were all Jensen could see for a second. He actually had to shake himself a little to get out of that headspace. Not a good time for zoning out.

“Your music, I mean. It was just some piece of home ya know? Just reminded me of it. Helped me to get through studying and exams and so on. I guess I should say thanks for keeping me awake and making me less homesick.”

Steve had started to grin halfway through Jared’s mini ramble and even Chris couldn’t stop the smile anymore. Jensen knew how good it felt to hear praise for your work and art. And Jared had just unconsciously delivered one of the best kinds of praise you could get.

“I already really like you.” Chris pounded Jared’s back, placed a beer in the huge paw and kept on grinning like a cat that got the cream. Jensen wasn’t so sure that the beer had been a good idea but Jared was already downing it like it was water so it was too late to act anyway. Jensen just thought he might have to keep an eye on Jared for the remainder of the night.



***


Some hours and several embarrassing stories later Jensen watched Jared talking to Chris, Sandy and Mike about something he clearly was very passionate about. With his whole body nonetheless. This night wasn’t turning as planned.

Jensen didn’t know if he was pleased because he was actually having fun and not thinking about the case or being pissed because he was having fun, only because of Jared presence.

It was so not a good idea to spent so much of his free time with a client. He had never done that before and he usually wouldn’t even consider doing it. But Kripke thought it would help with negotiations if he got to know the client better, if he knew what to expect and what to demand in the contracts. The added bonus that they apparently had the same circle of friends didn’t make it easier to keep the relationship a purely business one.

Jensen had found himself slipping during the last weeks, had found himself being actually pleased by the progress of the negotiations but at the same time not so pleased with the fact that they were working on Jared’s pre-nups. He had cursed himself for his unprofessional behaviour over and over again.

But he liked it. Liked it a lot actually. He liked spending time with Jared outside work, away from the case and the marriage and everything connected to it. Over the last month Jensen had actually gotten to know Jared better than he thought he would or should. He knew how Jared felt and why he was doing it, but Jensen still couldn’t really understand it. He had learned simple things too, like what kind of ice cream Jared liked or that he couldn’t live without sugar and always dumped four pieces into his coffee. That Jared loved flip flops and pink shirts. That there was no way Jared would ever live without his dogs.

Details, single facts, things about the family he didn’t know but made him somehow understand everything a little better, made him see the bigger picture, all of that left Jensen reeling and struggling. It wasn't something he knew how to deal with. So he tried to protect himself, his career, the case and really Jared too, by keeping his distance and being cold when the other man tried to be friendly and bond.

Mike’s laugh and Chris’ howl brought him back, back to the party where Jared still tried to explain something but obviously didn’t know how to coordinate his limbs anymore. Seeing Jared sway slightly and bump into Chris was a sure sign that this might be the time for someone to intervene and seeing that Tom was nowhere to be seen, Jensen knew it was up to him.

Why he felt the need to get Jared home safely and less drunk was beyond him. And he sure as hell wouldn’t be thinking about it now.

He reached the little group by the grill just in time to hear Chris brag about one special song. He heard Jared telling Chris that this song especially kept him sane in England. It was a bit too much to take in for Jensen and Jared’s slur was making it worse.

Didn’t help that Jensen wished he had never known or heard or well ... written the song. It was one of the songs that got Kane into the whole business and settled but Jensen hated it. It wasn’t really him and he didn’t know why he had written it. Chris and Steve had loved it though. And apparently so did Jared. Ocean blue eyes were staring at him, full of awe and something else Jensen wasn’t willing to thinking about it. Not now, not ever.

“You write? You wrote that song?”

“Uh…” He had apparently missed Chris giving out that particular info, otherwise he would have tried to prevent it. No need for Jared to know it. It was too late now anyway.

“Jenny actually sings it on the CD.”

He maybe really should duck tape Chris’ mouth shut or something the next time Jared and beers were close.

“Really? I fell asleep to your voice?”

Okay, that was it. Jared definitely had had enough and the laughter around them wasn’t really something Jensen wanted to deal with anyway. This was way too close to being too friendly and much more than he actually wanted to know about Jared.

“Oh Jenny, I think he likes your voice.” Mike was so dead. He would kill him slowly and painfully at the office tomorrow. No more Twinkies for the evil incarnated. “But I think you wouldn’t mind that anyway.”

“Mike!”

So Tom was back again. Jensen was almost grateful for that since Mike looked utterly apologetic and chastised for once. He even mumbled a sorry before he shuffled off toward Sandy. Not that Jensen cared much right then; he would deal with Mike and his big mouth tomorrow at the hotel.

Jensen had to cringe at his own thoughts and how wrong it sounded in his head. Jared grabbing for another beer had Jensen move in a second flat and thanking whatever God was watching for Jared seemingly not having heard Mike’s slip.

“I think that’s enough for you, Sasquatch.” Jensen took the bottle away, barely avoiding the flailing arm that was dangerously close to his face and simultaneously steadying Jared on his feet as the other man tried to grab his beer back and slightly overbalanced.

It brought them closer together, closer then they had been before and Jared’s body heat was seeping through Jensen’s shirt where he was plastered against the other man.

“Oh come on, Jen. It hasn’t been that much. ‘M not drunk or anything.”

Out of the corner of his eye Jensen caught Steve sporting a huge grin and mouthing ‘Jen?’ at Chris. Chris though was grinning like mad and Jensen really didn’t want to know what they were thinking. Jensen didn’t even know when he and Jared started using nicknames instead of Mr. Padalecki and Mr. Ackles.

It had been a slow development, they had caught themselves a few times before either of them stopped reacting to it. It just happened. He wasn’t thinking about that now, either.

The armful of heavy Padalecki was enough to deal with right now. It wasn’t a bad feeling, all these muscles moving under his hands made Jensen flush slightly. The feel of the muscles against him combined with the spicy, almost lemony smell of Jared’s shampoo and soap had Jensen silently groaning to himself. He wouldn’t mind staying like that for some time longer, and he didn’t even mind Jared’s damn flowery pink shirt so close to his eyes anymore.

It did look good on Jared, almost better than the suits when he always looked kind of constricted, as if they were the wrong skin. But then Jared moved and almost tripped and every thought about this being pleasant was gone. Time to go home, it seemed.

And who exactly had him made babysitter for the night anyway? He was Jared’s lawyer not his mother. And they weren’t friends despite what his mind so wilfully tried to tell him and on which his body seemed to have no qualms joining in on. Not friends at all. Jensen wondered if he said it often enough it would become true and he’d be able to believe it.

They weren’t friends but maybe they were on the way to that. Nothing Jensen could do about now, what he could do was trying to get Jared home with the minimal amount of embarrassment involved.

“Jeeeeen.” Jared was whining. Really and honest to God whining. And grabbing for the bottle again. “You are no fun today, Smeckles.”

So much for trying to avoid embarrassment. Jensen ignored the muffled snorts right next to him, he knew it was Chris and he so didn’t want to deal with that right then. Nor did he want to get his hands away from Jared to be able to smack Chris. Because letting go of Jared would mean letting go of the chance to get the beer bottle safely out of reach.

Letting go of Jared would also mean being able to face his friends again and he just wasn't ready for that. Jensen didn't know what Chris, Steve, Mike and Sandy were thinking about what he was doing here, taking care of a client or taking care of a friend. He did know, though, that he would be hearing a lot about it the next day. Maybe he should shut off his cell for the time being, it would be Sunday after all.

“Yes, I know, Jay. Sorry for that. Let’s get you some water and then home. All right?” Jensen really hoped Jared would say yes. He didn’t feel any particular urge to stay any longer, not with his friends watching him like that.

“Okay. I am really not that drunk, Jen. Just three beers. And ya shouldn’t drive ya know.”
As if Jared all plastered up against him wasn’t bad enough now, he had to start up with the drawl as well. Jensen thought that this evening might turn into one of his less glorious nights out, even after Mike had sicced the twinks on him the last time. He steered Jared toward the backyard gate.

“I’ll drive you.”

Tom was standing right behind them car keys and two bottles of water in his hands already.

“You came with Sandy, right Jensen?”

“Yeah, we took a cab.”

“Okay. We get Jay home and then I’ll drive you. Or Jay could stay here and sleep it off.”

That had Jared perk up again.

“No. My dogs. And really I am not that drunk guys. I can take a cab.”

It would have been more convincing if Jared hadn’t slipped over the hose lying in the grass. Grabbing onto the Jensen’s shirt to prevent himself from falling Jared just snorted, straightened himself and shrugged sheepishly.

“Home it is then.” Tom lead the way to his car parked in the drive way.

“You really wanna leave the horde all alone in your house? Without supervision?”

“Oh Mike isn’t that drunk, he’ll keep watch. He owes you now anyway and he sure as hell doesn’t want to owe me, too.”

The smirk he got from Tom made Jensen feel slightly better. He wondered if Tom had picked up on him not wanting to deal with his friends right now, the smile indicated it he might have.

Jared was quiet but looked at him intently. It scared Jensen a little. Jared was never really quiet and if, he usually was thinking. Jensen just hoped it wouldn’t mean that he was about to lose his job. He’d be pretty pissed at Mike for that then.



***

VI.

Same night

Jared guzzled the water down, still plastered against Jensen and not wanting to give up the warmth and the feeling of joy, of finally being allowed close to Jensen. San Antonio was flying by outside the windows, nightlife and street lights flashing before his eyes but Jared wasn’t really looking. Not this time. This time he was concentrating on Jensen, wasn’t retreating into his head like he usually did when he was in a car and not driving himself.

He wasn’t as drunk as Jensen and Tom seemed to think he was. And the car ride had definitely sobered him up even more. But he was buzzed and some seconds, maybe even minutes, were definitely missing.

They reached his apartment building way too soon for his liking. He had to detach himself from the warmth and comfort that was Jensen’s body and really, getting out of the car proved to be kind of difficult. Jared even managed to have one of his flip-flops getting caught on the pavement which almost sent him onto all fours if it hadn’t it been for Jensen and Tom being right by his side.

Jared thought that during this evening he might actually have done enough to embarrass himself in front of Jensen to last a lifetime. He wasn’t sure if he should be mad at himself for drinking that much or grateful for having the alcohol to blame later.

The second they entered the hall way that lead to the loft Jared tripped again. This time though it wasn’t so much the fault of his intoxicated state but the fact that several large boxes were piled up in front of his door blocking the way. Jared frowned, not really getting where the boxes had come from.

“Huh.”

“Yours?”

Jared looked up at Tom who still had his hand on Jared’s elbow from when he had prevented the fall that might have followed the tripping. He blinked looked back down at the boxes and almost face palmed himself. He had forgotten about Jeff wanting to come by. In the need the rush and with Tom dragging him off to the party he hadn’t even thought about the stuff his brother still had from him.

“Yeah… Jeff.. he wanted to bring them along today. I totally forgot.”

“And he just left them here? Where anybody can find them? Really nice.”

Jensen’s tone wasn’t unpleasant but even in his state of slight intoxication Jared could detect a hint of disbelief. Whether it was because of the amount of boxes in the hallway or because they had been left there unsupervised was a little beyond Jared’s grasp right then.

He shrugged and looked at the two men standing there watching him fumble with his keys.

“You don’t have to watch me going in. I am a big boy. Thanks for.. uhm.. driving me. I can handle it. Really. As I said I am not drunk. You can ... go home?” He wasn’t even sure why he was voicing it as a question. Tom smiled, took Jared’s keys and was gone before Jared could say anything else.

Then Jared watched as Jensen grabbed a box and started to walk down the rest of the hallway. Jared didn’t even have time to freak out about the fact that Jensen was about to see his place, he was too busy telling himself that he was sober enough to handle two boxes at the same time.



***


Jensen placed the box on one of the stairs to his left, rickety-looking steps leading to the upper level of the loft-like apartment. The place looked modern, modern in the sense of trimmed artsy to be looking rickety and worn.

Tom stepped around him to place the keys on the steps as well and got rid of the box he was still holding, looking at Jensen with a little smile. He still wasn’t sure what to think of Mike’s friend, the guy was probably the friendliest human being Jensen had ever met and he wasn’t used to be people being like that. Not with the kind of job he was doing.

The last month proved to Jensen that is was possible to be an overall nice and relaxed person, even with a bucket load of work and cruel business partners to deal with. Jared had it all. It fascinated Jensen. Jared was professional during the job, he was more settled and not the bouncy self he usually presented.

Jared stumbled in behind them and barely managed to not let go of the two boxes he was handling. The sheepish smile tugging at the corner of his lips was something Jensen was slowly getting used to and he wasn’t sure if that was actually a good thing. He already noticed way too many details about the other man that he had no business noticing.

The whole situation this evening was something Jensen considered to be out of the ordinary and hoped to be able to put it behind, because getting to know Jared the way he did today wasn’t really contributing to his resolution of keeping it all business. He could feel his resolve crumbling already, little pieces of the walls he had built to survive in this business were picked away the longer he spent time with Jared. The more he allowed Jared to constantly pull him out of the business relationship.

“I… uhm.. Thanks guys. For helping me with the things. You didn’t need to, it’s late already and well we drank… and yes… uhm, thank you.” The blush wasn’t that visible but Jensen could still see it on Jared’s cheeks, moving along the cheekbones vanishing towards his ears. He briefly wondered why he was staring at Jared’s cheeks so intently but then the amazement about how Jared could actually still be so awkward around him took over. The fact that he thought the ability to ramble made Jared even cuter was firmly pushed back, deep inside one of the drawers in his mind he rarely used or refused to ever open again.

“Dude, don’t mention it. Jeff shouldn’t have let it standing around in the hallway anyway. Or maybe should have called you. Really, no problem.”

Tom’s voice had a double effect. It snapped Jensen back into the present and it managed to make Jared smile. A genuine smile, which Jensen had only seen a couple of times so far. It then promptly made him wish he would see it more often.

“Uhm… You guys want something to drink? Coffee? I mean you’ll have to be able to drive and not fall asleep… You know.” Another one of Jared’s habits Jensen got to know was showing now, the twisting of fingers and carding them through the shaggy brown hair. Jensen briefly wondered why he knew such things, when all he was doing was having a relationship purely based on business with the man. Not that he wanted to do the same with his finger and Jared’s hair. Not at all.

Jensen just was shaking his head without really looking at Jared but still answering the question but he heard Tom say yes so when he looked up again Jared had actually taken off towards what Jensen deemed to be the kitchen.

His attention hadn’t been on Jared anyway since his straying eyes had found the sketches and drawings strewn all over the area functioning as a working and sitting arrangement. It was the first time Jensen saw the drawings, saw the outlines for the graphic novels Jared sometimes talked about when the hour was late and both of them had enough of contract negotiations and business plans.

It was rare and far between but sometimes Jared let it slip how much he enjoyed arts and how those additional courses had gotten him through college and business school. There was always some regret hidden in the silent voice Jared used when he spoke about the things he wanted, dreamed about.

Always some kind of sadness, as if he was still trying to live those dreams but at the same time was aware that he wouldn’t be able to anymore. Jensen knew he shouldn’t be aware of all that but there was no way for him to miss the puppy eyes and the quiet voice that Jared didn’t even seem to realize he was using.

Jensen had to admit that this place fit Jared more than anything he had seen so far of the Padalecki lifestyle. He had always assumed Jared to be like and live like Gerald Padalecki. Jensen knew, thanks to Mackenzie’s addiction to gossip, how the Padalecki family was living. Mostly due to spreads and articles about the Padalecki family home in various high profile society magazines.

He of course knew that the children and off-springs these days were less likely to follow mummy’s or daddy’s footsteps when it came to living their lives but considering all the rumours he had heard and all the things Jared had already told him about the house he had grown up in Jensen was surprised to see this.

Surprise was even putting it mildly because this was absolutely not what he had expected. Earlier he had though the places was just modern trimmed to look old and artsy, now he actually realised that most of the colours, wall trappings and rickety looking furniture was hand made and had a flair of understated luxury and knowledge.

The walls were mostly brick stones in different colours, covered with drawings or canvas. One side of the loft was almost completely covered with huge windows looking out over the backyard and Jensen had to admit it was an amazing view, even for this time of the night.

The spaces not covered with canvases, drawings, half uncovered furniture and boxes were already occupied with huge and loaded book shelves. Jensen blinked and tried to remember when Jared moved in and whether these were leftovers from the friend Jared got the loft from or actually Jared’s.

Tom’s soft chuckle startled him for a second, he hadn’t been aware of the other man standing so close to him. Jensen wanted to hide the fact that he had been staring in amazement at the books and the drawings but he was sure that Tom could already guess what he was thinking. How the hell had he missed Jared being more than just the spoiled rich dork Jensen had set him up to be?

Tom, having managed to snatch Jensen attention, was pointing at something standing among the books in one of the shelves, almost not visible between them as if to hide it and as if someone else had tried to place is elsewhere, pulling it back into focus. Jensen could see the stamp on top of the frame and instantly knew it was diploma certificate.

He had one of those hanging his office in Dallas claiming him to be an alumnus of the Columbia University School of Law. Jensen knew what a diploma looked like, this one was special though. It took one book to be moved to see why it was special.

Jensen looked back at Tom, who was watching him intently. When the other man smiled softly at Jensen’s soft “Wow” and nodded Jensen let out a relieved breath he hadn’t even been aware of holding in. It had felt like a test. A test of what Jensen wasn’t sure.

“Yeah. Our Jay is a genius if you go after all the certificates and diplomas he has. Your average wonder boy from the block.”

Jensen had to smile at that even though he was fighting a silent battle with himself which resulted in him strongly doubting his ability to judge people. If only for a second, but it was enough for him to think that he might have been wrong about Jared.

“Don’t call me that. You know it’s not true.” Jared was trying not to fidget. He was standing in the middle of the room with the cups of coffee in his hands. Jared’s dogs, which Jensen thought Jared had just gotten out of the bedroom, had followed him into the room and where now sitting next to his legs, tails wagging and waiting for Jared’s okay to be allowed to go and greet the newcomers.

Jared though just placed the cups on the table, patted both dogs and sent them back into the kitchen clearly not in the mood to deal with either hyperactive dogs or the reactions he would get for letting them jump his guests. Jensen wouldn’t have minded a round of dog wrestling, if only to clear the awkward silence.

There was embarrassment visible in those still very young eyes and again a certain sadness lying underneath. Startled, Jensen looked at Jared, really looked and saw a young man unsure of how to deal with praise and hiding behind lots of facets to not show his real value, his real insight to life.

Jensen didn’t need to look around the loft again to know that all those things inside belonged to Jared or were made by Jared. All the books, the drawings, the theatre scripts and graphic style sheets he had seen halfway shoved under the table (probably by Jared before he went to get the coffee), the furniture he was pretty sure of had been reconstructed by hand; all that belonged to the man standing in the middle of the room looking at them as if they were the enemy. As if they were like everybody else, calling him names for being intelligent, for being smart.

Jensen knew the stories of geeks and jocks and the in-crowd in high school or in college even, he was among the masses. He knew and he saw some of that history in Jared there. He realised how incredibly young Jared still was and wondered what the hell he was doing with helping this young and very talented man get an arraigned married.

Tom’s sigh sounded resigned, as if he had heard that certain argument one too many times. But he nodded and took up the cup without saying anything more. Jared almost flopped down on a leather beanie bag and slid down until he was comfortable. Jensen tried not to stare too much at the miles of muscled legs stretched out in front of him. With a last glance at the words “Suma cum Laude,” Jensen joined Tom on the couch, if only to get away from the books, the shelves and the uncomfortable topics they seemed to hold within their confines.


***


Jared was busy in the kitchen, disposing of the rest of their coffee and cups; and generally trying to avoid their company. Probably just so that he wouldn’t be the topic of the conversation again. Tom got that Jared felt uncomfortable around strangers, talking about his way of life and his ability to hide how intelligent he really was.

Tom got it because he knew how Jared’s family had been trying to push him into a certain direction for years now; into a direction Jared would have never chosen for himself. What Tom did not get was why Jared was so unsure of himself even in front of people he knew, his friends even.

There was no real reason for it. But he suspected that had more to do with the way he had been looking at Jensen than with him not wanting to talk about IQs and hiding from the world.

Tom knew those looks, knew that they meant trouble not only for Jared but for Jensen as well. Because Jensen was looking back. And that made it all the more complicated. He had heard Mike loud and clear at the party. He suspected that Jared wasn’t the only one starting to get a little too attached and a little too involved.

This was a story in the making. He would even go so far to call it a love story, because no one in his right mind would be able to deny the chemistry between those two. But it was something Tom wasn’t willing to address yet.

Neither Jared nor Jensen seemed to be ready to even consider it, and there were so many things to talk about that Tom decided to he would just stay back, watch them and then be there when they would need him. And he was sure they would because this whole scenario just screamed catastrophe at him.

If anyone deserved to be happy for once, it was Jared. He didn’t know much about the business Jared and Jensen were dealing with, it seemed to be serious and exhausting. And he didn’t know Jensen all that much, only from what Jared and Mike had told him. But what he had seen during the barbeque had him like Jensen at least a little.

“We should go now huh?” Jensen’s voice was low and almost caring which makes Tom smile again and look at Jared, who now was almost slouched down all the way on then oversized leather beanie and fast asleep.

“Yes, I guess we should. I am awake enough to get you safely to the hotel. And I better do that, otherwise Jared and Mike will probably skin me alive if something happens to you.”

That earned him a snort and a sheepish look as well. Tom was sure that Jensen knew why he had included Jared in the threat. Maybe things wouldn’t be as complicated as he feared but he wasn’t willing to bet on it yet.

“Yeah. Maybe. Good to know I am high up the being-applicable-for-revenge-list. Thanks for taking me home. Why are you doing it? You don’t really know me.”

“I had the feeling that dealing with Christian and Steve was the last thing on your list back there. And since you had already taken over Jared-watching duty I thought I’d help. He can be a handful.”

Jensen laughs slightly, trying to keep it down and Tom saw the smile reaching his eyes. He decided it suited Jensen, and that maybe Jared should know that he was the reason for those smiles.

“True. Very true. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I’ll write him a note, let him know where we went. No need to wake him again.”

Tom grabbed his car keys from the step where he had placed them earlier and took the whiteboard pen that was attached to the new board on heavy front door. No use in trying to hunt down paper and pen anyway, chances where that he accidentally ruin one of Jared’s sketches.

Jensen was watching Jared sleep when Tom turned around again. It was almost sweet.
As he followed Jensen out of the door Tom tried to not let the other man know how much he had seen but the look and slight smile he got told him Jensen had been aware of being watched. There was hope after all as it seemed.



PART 4