icebear_cw (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
icebear_cw) wrote2006-01-07 11:04 pm
icebear_cw) wrote2006-01-07 11:04 pm
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Title: What Penguins can do
Author: icebear_cw
Fandom: Swimming
Pairing: Brendan Hansen/Kosuke Kitajima
Timeline: Montreal 2005
Rating: PG 13
Disclaimer: Not mine, not real, did not happen.
Notes: This story is for J.
I am sorry but this is not exactly betaed, so all faults are mine.
What Penguins can do… Part 2
„You know that it is not healthy what you are doing right?“
Huh? What? I actually have no idea what he is talking about right now. Or better I do but I am way too out of it to realize it and I think that should worry me. It doesn’t. I think I should answer him but I am back to staring across the pool again. Not that this would be anything suspicious or odd, just the fact that I am being stared back at is. In a way at least. Until a few hours ago I was relatively safe in assuming I not to be found out. But I guess I was wrong. Not that I mind. The whole thing, whatever it is, seems to turn into something very intriguing. Strange, scary but intriguing none the less. Intuition be blessed. And more so mine. But somehow I have the feeling that this will not be my day. First I actually laugh at something this bloody backstroker does, then I smile all the time *he* looks over and best of all, I don’t care. Not a bit. And that one of my friends actually notices should send me into a frenzy or some kind of panic attack. But nothing. Not a single twitch, even my pulse is normal. Sometimes, I think people are right when they call me strange.
He is still talking next to me and I am pretty sure I am being lectured on the consequences my behavior might have and probably on the “not-healthy” sides of it as well. I am just not hearing a word right now.
I never thought it would be true. That you actually can drown in someone’s eyes. I always had the feeling people overreacted or read too much into it. Into looks, into feelings, into everything connected with feelings. I mean, basically it is just chemistry. Pure and simple. And no one, really no one can tell me that it is more than that. It might be the pairing of molecules and atoms causing different reactions but I don’t think rationality can be just turned off. We can choose. I strongly believe we can.
And that might, or certainly is my problem right now, because I also believe that I did not chose to stare across a pool at someone much less did I choose this embarrassing goofy grin to pop up on my face every time I stare. Yes, I am actually very certain. Totally certain. Hundred percent certain. And I am sure, note the change of word, that I did not choose to have that kind of idiotic conversation in my head. Chemistry. Really.
I think I just nodded at myself and accidentally at something he said. Mistake I guess, because he pokes me hard and is all red and flustered. Great, no I have to deal with him. I don’t want to. I want to whine about the impossibility of this whole situation. I want to be annoyed and angry and hysterical maybe. But I certainly don’t want to deal with him. If I want to talk about my problems or obsessions or whatever else, I am not going to do that with a teenaged team mate. Did that rhyme in a way? If yes, shoot me. Please?
Not enough that I have, (what? three) longhorns staring at me, but now I sound like them as well? Just great. I actually dare to look back up at him. Still flustered and gaping and poking.
“Ouch! What?”
“Did you even listen to me?”
“Uhm…”
“KO-SU-KEEEE!”
Okay, some time during this meet I stopped telling him not to do that. I wonder why. I was occupied, I know that but still there is no real reason for me stopping to tell him not to spell my name like that. I can hear perfectly. No need to spell it. Really. It’s a wonder I let him get away with it. He is one of my closest friends now. This is a miracle in itself considering the fact that I couldn’t stand him the first time we met. He was loud, obnoxious and really much a poster-boy for a teenager. But here we are, talking about the strangest things and he is actually trying to be my Conscience and talk reason into me. Oh this meet really is getting weirder every second. I glance over the pool again and wonder if we will end up next to them during the meet. This will be fun then. He pokes me again. Right he said me name.
“Yes Genki?”
“You are insane you know? Crazy. Totally crazy.”
I nod because, yes that thought might have entered my mind lately. Only lately though, probably since Athens, and more so since we have been here.
“I actually asked you if you want to fuck him.”
Fuck! Not when I am drinking. The smirk tells me that he saw it coming. Bitch!
“I… What?”
“You have been staring at him since Peirsol buried him under those ridiculous amount of stuffed penguins. No wait, even before that. But he is looking back now and you seem to be in trance every time he does. So I wondered. And well you actually know what it would me if you want to. Because that would be totally weird and crazy.. He is American, you know. And your rival. And his friends don’t like you. And well you know it is not a good idea since….”
That is one of the reasons I learned to shut him out and to only filter the important bits and pieces out of what he is saying. It mostly works but that boy can ramble on for hours. Mostly this is amusing, tiring but amusing. Not today though. I know what he wants to say, and I know that he is right but I am not in the mood to hear that right now. I just want to.. stare. Right. Fucked up as I am.
“.. And most of all he is a man.”
Great my mind just has to switch back when he is talking about that… fact.
“I know that Genki.”
“Huh? You.. you don’t mind?”
“Should I?”
“But.. no of course not . I just never thought..!”
“It’s alright, you know. It’s not like I go around telling everybody.”
He suddenly grins, which is not good. Not at all because when Genki grins he is ideas. His ideas are dangerous, mean, embarrassing and.. did I mention mean? So this definitely does not mean anything good for me. I shake my head and he grins even wider.
“So you do want to huh?”
“I want to what Genki?” Oh I already know the answer, so I don’t dare to look directly at him. And it doesn’t really make me feel any better that just now the object of my stares and smiles is trying very hard not to blush even more. I look up at Genki and just catch him making some rude.
“Asshole. What do you think you are doing?”
“Hmm, let’s see. Making sure there are no misunderstandings. I mean, come on, the way he is blushing means he actually wants you, too. Otherwise he would be mad right now. Oh and wait, Peirsol wouldn’t grin like that. Right?” And he makes it sound so… logical. I hate him.
“You are so fucked in the head it hurts. You really think that making that gesture at him means anything other than you being totally mental? Oh by the way you embarrassed and dishonored our team but let’s not talk about that.” I think I am actually pouting at him. Great.
“Dishonored? Oh yes, sure. And you wanting to get into his pants doesn’t do exactly that?”
“I.. No. Why? I mean, I don’t think it is anybody’s business. I am not doing it in public. In fact I am not doing it at all. Unlike you.”
“Fine, okay. I don’t want to argue with you right now. I want to help you. Oh and you just admitted it. I mean wanting to get into his pants.”
Oh fuck. Nothing to say to that. I mean it wouldn’t actually help to deny it or to start a stupid fight over it. I did admit that. But.. He wants to help me. This is getting worse every second. Not only that the longhorns probably think we are making fun of them or better making fun of one of them but they probably think we have no moral values at all. The gesture Genki made was kind obvious. Damn him. And now he wants. To. Help. Me. God, help me then. This really is not my day. I should trust my intuition. It is only chemistry but maybe I should start listening to it.
“Help me? How?”
“Don’t know yet. But I think I can come up with something.”
“I am afraid you do. It scares me.”
“Hey now…” He punches my upper arm and it actually hurts but like everything else he did or said in the last minutes it is somewhat over tuned by the three Americans across from us. Or better by one of them, the other two are just something which goes along. God, it is warm and if I don’t get this jacket of I’ll melt soon. I just know I am being random, which is odd. I am never random. Never. All the time since Peirsol buried him under those admittedly cute stuffed penguins he has either tried to hide from my looks, to fight off whatever the other were saying or doing to him or was trying to not look back at me, which he obviously failed or otherwise I wouldn’t be thinking about me smiling every time he did look. Right now he tries not to fall of the bench. Which is odd because it actually looks like he is laughing. Like in laughing really hard. Huh?
“Genki?”
“Yep?”
“Is he..”
“Laughing? Yes, looks like it if you ask me.”
“Uhm…”
Genki’s eyes just seem to fall out of his head when he looks at me and the grin is back. I am confused now. What the hell is going on anyway?
“What?” If that did not sound snappy I don’t know what does.
“Your shirt ‘Suke.” And now he is the one toppled over, clutching his side. I think I have rarely seen him laughing this hard. And the three cows on the other side aren’t any better at the moment. Maybe I should look at my.. shirt. Oh. Uhm… I hate that. I hate to be speechless and I hate it even more to surprise myself like that. I didn’t really think this morning when I chose the shirt, I just thought about the comments I overheard and then forgot about it as soon as I had it on. Great. And now everything is coming back to me. And I don’t even know if they are laughing at me, at the shirt, about the situation. I have no fucking idea. Best of all, I sound like them again. In my own head. Brilliant.
“Your fucked up you know?” He says it with honest smile off his and I am not even tempted to be angry. “I mean I do understand Darth Vader. But a Penguin one? God, what did they do to you?”
“Nothing. What? I .. Hey, I told you about the comment he made. I just thought it was funny to.. stun him. Or something.”
“Or kill him.”
“Huh?”
“Man, I think I have never seen someone laugh that hard. Either he is hysteric or he really likes that shirt of yours.”
“Hmm. The Penguin or Darth Vader?”
“You should ask him later.”
What? Who says I am going to speak to him. I mean he is surrounded by his team and we will never really have a chance to be alone. Not that we have actually ever spoken with one another.
“How in the hell should I do that? I mean he… How? I have no idea if he is okay.. with. I mean.”
“Kosuke?”
“Yes Genki? You are stuttering. That is not very attractive. You should work on that before you try and talk to… Hansen. Really. Just a friendly advise from my side. You know, appearance is all. Especially with them.” He nods like he has said the wisest thing on earth. I really would like to strangle him. Now.
“Fuck off.” Oh brilliant, very eloquent.
“’Suke. I guess he knows and well as I said before the man is blushing after all. And it really seems like his friends are trying the same as I do. For whatever reason since they can’t stand you. But you know it might be worth a try. Oh and actually I know that he likes you. You told me yourself what he said. But you know… Well, I actually went and asked Peirsol.”
I have to teach him not so say such important things when I am drinking. One day he’ll choke me with that.
“YOU WHAT?”
“I asked Peirsol. After he dumped the penguins on Hansen. I just asked if Hansen meant what he said and Peirsol said yes. So there, now you know it... go and speak to him.”
“About fucking what? Penguins?” I can’t believe it. I can’t believe he talked to Peirsol and that he is telling me what to do. Hell must have been frozen over since I really do consider following his advise. That is so not good. Not at all. Because really, Hansen and I have absolutely nothing in common. Okay, the breaststroke but that is all. And I am still not done with being mad at Genki. That is not a good basis for me to go and talk to Hansen. Brendan. I should at least call him that in my head. Hansen just sounds stupid. Like Larsen. Or was it Jensen? And I have no idea what to say to him anyway. Not the slightest I mean there really is nothing other than penguins. And that would be idiotic, the most logical thing but idiotic nonetheless.
“Sex. Kissing. The things you want to do to him? Just a small list of stuff you could talk about.” I did mention that I hate him right?
“Genki?”
“Yes Kosuke?”
“You should just shut up now.”
“Okay.”
***
“Bren stop it. Would you? Please?”
“Sorry.”
I know I am fidgeting and that it makes him nervous but I can’t stop. Not when I am going to do the bravest thing I ever did in my life. Er.. Or something equally embarrassing. I don’t know why or how but I have the certain feeling that this is going to be a huge disaster. I should never have let him talk me into it. But damn Aaron can be so convincing when he wants to. Everything makes sense then and there is not really a chance saying something against it. But right now I wish I would have thought of something to get me out of it again. This is not good. Not a good idea at all. I mean I do want to talk to him, I just have no idea what to say. And well the way Aaron embarrassed me earlier is not really a good point to start at. I guess…. Hell, I have no idea what I am doing here. Standing in the hall way right beneath the stands where is team is. And every Japanese passing us is staring at us or me… I don’t know. They are staring. I know I am all read. I have no idea who to blame for that really. It is either the heat, the cracking up earlier about his shirt or it is the constant ripping I had to suffer from Aaron and Ian. I have no idea, I just know that I am red as a tomato. And normally that is Crocker’s feature. Damn. I am just going to embarrass myself even more. Not that the “him being a cute penguin” comment wasn’t the worst which could have happened, but well you never know. Right? Right. So what the hell ma I doing here anyway? Maybe I should prepare myself for the inevitable rejection. It will come. I know it. I don’t care what Aaron says or what Ian thinks will happen. I know it. And I am tired of everyone telling me that I don’t. I am not stupid.
“There he comes..”
Whaaa! I stumble and grab Aaron. Okay, so maybe I a not the most graceful creature on earth but is even for me unusual. I am not Klete. I mean I stumble. Sometimes. Just not like that. And.. Not in front of him. I keep cool. I always keep cool. Yes. So… what?
There is something in my hand and I wonder why I begged Aaron to come with me if he just up and abandoned me. He is nowhere to be seen. Fuck.
“Pssst.. Bren. Go and say Hi. Idiot.”
Oh there he is. Right behind me. Should have known that. Uhm, not good. So not good. The thoughts in my head just keep going into the wrong direction. I am frozen in place and stare at my fiercest opponent walking towards me. Okay, he is coming. Arfgh… Walking towards me. And his shirt. I love it. I mean we cracked up over it earlier and Aaron actually convinced me that it meant something. That it was a message or so. But right now I am not too sure anymore. It could just be a coincidence. And that would be bad. Because then me standing here with a stuffed penguin in my hand wouldn’t make much sense at all. Ian’s idea. He said I should answer the message with one of my own. So here I am.
“Hi.”
“Brendan.” He nods at me and then at Aaron. My eyes are dragged to the shirt and I have to bite my tongue to not laugh out loud. It really is ridiculous but cute. Cute. Argh… Wrong thought right now.
“I… Uhm.. Here.”
I just stuck me hand out, like a five-year old handing over a toy to the girl next door. Kill me now please. This is just not how it is supposed to be. I hear Aaron snort. I want to strangle him again, and I am fairly sure I will at some point in the near future. Right now I just stare at the penguin stuck out in front of me and hope he will just take it.
And he does. With the most amazing smile I have ever seen. I was doomed before, but now… Now I am lost. And shoot me again just for sounding so damn cheesy. That is not me.
“Thank you.”
He sounds questioning, curious. Understandable. I would gape at him for at least half an hour. It doesn’t happen every day that your biggest rival gives you stuffed animal. Oh god, where has my common sense gone? Why am I doing that? Aaron pokes me in the back and I nearly crash forward into Kosuke. Oh right. Peirsol. And why doesn’t it scare me to much that I sound like Kitajima at his worst when saying Aaron’s name?
“Oh right. Uhm, I-I thought you liked… Penguins. The shirt? And I thought, well I have enough of them now.” He laughs at that and smiles this smile again. “So yeah… Uhm.”
“So, this means you guys aren’t in a war anymore right? Awesome.” This is Genki and the way Kosuke scowls at him it was the wrong moment to speak. I can’t help but smile and then I shrug.
“What war?”
“Riiight.”
Kosuke smiles at me when one of his coaches calls something and Genki sprints away.
“I.. Sorry. I have to go.”
I am a bit disappointed even thought I am not sure what I expected. I guess this went better than anything I hoped for. This whole situation is strange and I am glad Aaron is here. Otherwise.. I am not sure I would have given away the stuffed pet or said anything to him at all. So yes, even if he annoys the hell out of me and even if all this is his fault I am glad he is here.
“Brendan?”
“Yes.. Oh right. Sure. See.. See ya tomorrow. I guess.”
“I guess so, too.”
I turn ready to bolt and drag Aaron with me to help me digging me own hole in which I can sink and hide when his speaks again.
“Brendan?”
“Yeah?”
“I do like penguins. Good evening, Brendan…. Mr. Peirsol.” He nods again and then he is gone. Vanished around the corner. And I am frozen again. I feel Aaron’s hand on my shoulder but it is not quite enough to get me out of my trance.
“Let’s go Mooney.”
Good idea.
TBC
Author: icebear_cw
Fandom: Swimming
Pairing: Brendan Hansen/Kosuke Kitajima
Timeline: Montreal 2005
Rating: PG 13
Disclaimer: Not mine, not real, did not happen.
Notes: This story is for J.
I am sorry but this is not exactly betaed, so all faults are mine.
What Penguins can do… Part 2
„You know that it is not healthy what you are doing right?“
Huh? What? I actually have no idea what he is talking about right now. Or better I do but I am way too out of it to realize it and I think that should worry me. It doesn’t. I think I should answer him but I am back to staring across the pool again. Not that this would be anything suspicious or odd, just the fact that I am being stared back at is. In a way at least. Until a few hours ago I was relatively safe in assuming I not to be found out. But I guess I was wrong. Not that I mind. The whole thing, whatever it is, seems to turn into something very intriguing. Strange, scary but intriguing none the less. Intuition be blessed. And more so mine. But somehow I have the feeling that this will not be my day. First I actually laugh at something this bloody backstroker does, then I smile all the time *he* looks over and best of all, I don’t care. Not a bit. And that one of my friends actually notices should send me into a frenzy or some kind of panic attack. But nothing. Not a single twitch, even my pulse is normal. Sometimes, I think people are right when they call me strange.
He is still talking next to me and I am pretty sure I am being lectured on the consequences my behavior might have and probably on the “not-healthy” sides of it as well. I am just not hearing a word right now.
I never thought it would be true. That you actually can drown in someone’s eyes. I always had the feeling people overreacted or read too much into it. Into looks, into feelings, into everything connected with feelings. I mean, basically it is just chemistry. Pure and simple. And no one, really no one can tell me that it is more than that. It might be the pairing of molecules and atoms causing different reactions but I don’t think rationality can be just turned off. We can choose. I strongly believe we can.
And that might, or certainly is my problem right now, because I also believe that I did not chose to stare across a pool at someone much less did I choose this embarrassing goofy grin to pop up on my face every time I stare. Yes, I am actually very certain. Totally certain. Hundred percent certain. And I am sure, note the change of word, that I did not choose to have that kind of idiotic conversation in my head. Chemistry. Really.
I think I just nodded at myself and accidentally at something he said. Mistake I guess, because he pokes me hard and is all red and flustered. Great, no I have to deal with him. I don’t want to. I want to whine about the impossibility of this whole situation. I want to be annoyed and angry and hysterical maybe. But I certainly don’t want to deal with him. If I want to talk about my problems or obsessions or whatever else, I am not going to do that with a teenaged team mate. Did that rhyme in a way? If yes, shoot me. Please?
Not enough that I have, (what? three) longhorns staring at me, but now I sound like them as well? Just great. I actually dare to look back up at him. Still flustered and gaping and poking.
“Ouch! What?”
“Did you even listen to me?”
“Uhm…”
“KO-SU-KEEEE!”
Okay, some time during this meet I stopped telling him not to do that. I wonder why. I was occupied, I know that but still there is no real reason for me stopping to tell him not to spell my name like that. I can hear perfectly. No need to spell it. Really. It’s a wonder I let him get away with it. He is one of my closest friends now. This is a miracle in itself considering the fact that I couldn’t stand him the first time we met. He was loud, obnoxious and really much a poster-boy for a teenager. But here we are, talking about the strangest things and he is actually trying to be my Conscience and talk reason into me. Oh this meet really is getting weirder every second. I glance over the pool again and wonder if we will end up next to them during the meet. This will be fun then. He pokes me again. Right he said me name.
“Yes Genki?”
“You are insane you know? Crazy. Totally crazy.”
I nod because, yes that thought might have entered my mind lately. Only lately though, probably since Athens, and more so since we have been here.
“I actually asked you if you want to fuck him.”
Fuck! Not when I am drinking. The smirk tells me that he saw it coming. Bitch!
“I… What?”
“You have been staring at him since Peirsol buried him under those ridiculous amount of stuffed penguins. No wait, even before that. But he is looking back now and you seem to be in trance every time he does. So I wondered. And well you actually know what it would me if you want to. Because that would be totally weird and crazy.. He is American, you know. And your rival. And his friends don’t like you. And well you know it is not a good idea since….”
That is one of the reasons I learned to shut him out and to only filter the important bits and pieces out of what he is saying. It mostly works but that boy can ramble on for hours. Mostly this is amusing, tiring but amusing. Not today though. I know what he wants to say, and I know that he is right but I am not in the mood to hear that right now. I just want to.. stare. Right. Fucked up as I am.
“.. And most of all he is a man.”
Great my mind just has to switch back when he is talking about that… fact.
“I know that Genki.”
“Huh? You.. you don’t mind?”
“Should I?”
“But.. no of course not . I just never thought..!”
“It’s alright, you know. It’s not like I go around telling everybody.”
He suddenly grins, which is not good. Not at all because when Genki grins he is ideas. His ideas are dangerous, mean, embarrassing and.. did I mention mean? So this definitely does not mean anything good for me. I shake my head and he grins even wider.
“So you do want to huh?”
“I want to what Genki?” Oh I already know the answer, so I don’t dare to look directly at him. And it doesn’t really make me feel any better that just now the object of my stares and smiles is trying very hard not to blush even more. I look up at Genki and just catch him making some rude.
“Asshole. What do you think you are doing?”
“Hmm, let’s see. Making sure there are no misunderstandings. I mean, come on, the way he is blushing means he actually wants you, too. Otherwise he would be mad right now. Oh and wait, Peirsol wouldn’t grin like that. Right?” And he makes it sound so… logical. I hate him.
“You are so fucked in the head it hurts. You really think that making that gesture at him means anything other than you being totally mental? Oh by the way you embarrassed and dishonored our team but let’s not talk about that.” I think I am actually pouting at him. Great.
“Dishonored? Oh yes, sure. And you wanting to get into his pants doesn’t do exactly that?”
“I.. No. Why? I mean, I don’t think it is anybody’s business. I am not doing it in public. In fact I am not doing it at all. Unlike you.”
“Fine, okay. I don’t want to argue with you right now. I want to help you. Oh and you just admitted it. I mean wanting to get into his pants.”
Oh fuck. Nothing to say to that. I mean it wouldn’t actually help to deny it or to start a stupid fight over it. I did admit that. But.. He wants to help me. This is getting worse every second. Not only that the longhorns probably think we are making fun of them or better making fun of one of them but they probably think we have no moral values at all. The gesture Genki made was kind obvious. Damn him. And now he wants. To. Help. Me. God, help me then. This really is not my day. I should trust my intuition. It is only chemistry but maybe I should start listening to it.
“Help me? How?”
“Don’t know yet. But I think I can come up with something.”
“I am afraid you do. It scares me.”
“Hey now…” He punches my upper arm and it actually hurts but like everything else he did or said in the last minutes it is somewhat over tuned by the three Americans across from us. Or better by one of them, the other two are just something which goes along. God, it is warm and if I don’t get this jacket of I’ll melt soon. I just know I am being random, which is odd. I am never random. Never. All the time since Peirsol buried him under those admittedly cute stuffed penguins he has either tried to hide from my looks, to fight off whatever the other were saying or doing to him or was trying to not look back at me, which he obviously failed or otherwise I wouldn’t be thinking about me smiling every time he did look. Right now he tries not to fall of the bench. Which is odd because it actually looks like he is laughing. Like in laughing really hard. Huh?
“Genki?”
“Yep?”
“Is he..”
“Laughing? Yes, looks like it if you ask me.”
“Uhm…”
Genki’s eyes just seem to fall out of his head when he looks at me and the grin is back. I am confused now. What the hell is going on anyway?
“What?” If that did not sound snappy I don’t know what does.
“Your shirt ‘Suke.” And now he is the one toppled over, clutching his side. I think I have rarely seen him laughing this hard. And the three cows on the other side aren’t any better at the moment. Maybe I should look at my.. shirt. Oh. Uhm… I hate that. I hate to be speechless and I hate it even more to surprise myself like that. I didn’t really think this morning when I chose the shirt, I just thought about the comments I overheard and then forgot about it as soon as I had it on. Great. And now everything is coming back to me. And I don’t even know if they are laughing at me, at the shirt, about the situation. I have no fucking idea. Best of all, I sound like them again. In my own head. Brilliant.
“Your fucked up you know?” He says it with honest smile off his and I am not even tempted to be angry. “I mean I do understand Darth Vader. But a Penguin one? God, what did they do to you?”
“Nothing. What? I .. Hey, I told you about the comment he made. I just thought it was funny to.. stun him. Or something.”
“Or kill him.”
“Huh?”
“Man, I think I have never seen someone laugh that hard. Either he is hysteric or he really likes that shirt of yours.”
“Hmm. The Penguin or Darth Vader?”
“You should ask him later.”
What? Who says I am going to speak to him. I mean he is surrounded by his team and we will never really have a chance to be alone. Not that we have actually ever spoken with one another.
“How in the hell should I do that? I mean he… How? I have no idea if he is okay.. with. I mean.”
“Kosuke?”
“Yes Genki? You are stuttering. That is not very attractive. You should work on that before you try and talk to… Hansen. Really. Just a friendly advise from my side. You know, appearance is all. Especially with them.” He nods like he has said the wisest thing on earth. I really would like to strangle him. Now.
“Fuck off.” Oh brilliant, very eloquent.
“’Suke. I guess he knows and well as I said before the man is blushing after all. And it really seems like his friends are trying the same as I do. For whatever reason since they can’t stand you. But you know it might be worth a try. Oh and actually I know that he likes you. You told me yourself what he said. But you know… Well, I actually went and asked Peirsol.”
I have to teach him not so say such important things when I am drinking. One day he’ll choke me with that.
“YOU WHAT?”
“I asked Peirsol. After he dumped the penguins on Hansen. I just asked if Hansen meant what he said and Peirsol said yes. So there, now you know it... go and speak to him.”
“About fucking what? Penguins?” I can’t believe it. I can’t believe he talked to Peirsol and that he is telling me what to do. Hell must have been frozen over since I really do consider following his advise. That is so not good. Not at all. Because really, Hansen and I have absolutely nothing in common. Okay, the breaststroke but that is all. And I am still not done with being mad at Genki. That is not a good basis for me to go and talk to Hansen. Brendan. I should at least call him that in my head. Hansen just sounds stupid. Like Larsen. Or was it Jensen? And I have no idea what to say to him anyway. Not the slightest I mean there really is nothing other than penguins. And that would be idiotic, the most logical thing but idiotic nonetheless.
“Sex. Kissing. The things you want to do to him? Just a small list of stuff you could talk about.” I did mention that I hate him right?
“Genki?”
“Yes Kosuke?”
“You should just shut up now.”
“Okay.”
***
“Bren stop it. Would you? Please?”
“Sorry.”
I know I am fidgeting and that it makes him nervous but I can’t stop. Not when I am going to do the bravest thing I ever did in my life. Er.. Or something equally embarrassing. I don’t know why or how but I have the certain feeling that this is going to be a huge disaster. I should never have let him talk me into it. But damn Aaron can be so convincing when he wants to. Everything makes sense then and there is not really a chance saying something against it. But right now I wish I would have thought of something to get me out of it again. This is not good. Not a good idea at all. I mean I do want to talk to him, I just have no idea what to say. And well the way Aaron embarrassed me earlier is not really a good point to start at. I guess…. Hell, I have no idea what I am doing here. Standing in the hall way right beneath the stands where is team is. And every Japanese passing us is staring at us or me… I don’t know. They are staring. I know I am all read. I have no idea who to blame for that really. It is either the heat, the cracking up earlier about his shirt or it is the constant ripping I had to suffer from Aaron and Ian. I have no idea, I just know that I am red as a tomato. And normally that is Crocker’s feature. Damn. I am just going to embarrass myself even more. Not that the “him being a cute penguin” comment wasn’t the worst which could have happened, but well you never know. Right? Right. So what the hell ma I doing here anyway? Maybe I should prepare myself for the inevitable rejection. It will come. I know it. I don’t care what Aaron says or what Ian thinks will happen. I know it. And I am tired of everyone telling me that I don’t. I am not stupid.
“There he comes..”
Whaaa! I stumble and grab Aaron. Okay, so maybe I a not the most graceful creature on earth but is even for me unusual. I am not Klete. I mean I stumble. Sometimes. Just not like that. And.. Not in front of him. I keep cool. I always keep cool. Yes. So… what?
There is something in my hand and I wonder why I begged Aaron to come with me if he just up and abandoned me. He is nowhere to be seen. Fuck.
“Pssst.. Bren. Go and say Hi. Idiot.”
Oh there he is. Right behind me. Should have known that. Uhm, not good. So not good. The thoughts in my head just keep going into the wrong direction. I am frozen in place and stare at my fiercest opponent walking towards me. Okay, he is coming. Arfgh… Walking towards me. And his shirt. I love it. I mean we cracked up over it earlier and Aaron actually convinced me that it meant something. That it was a message or so. But right now I am not too sure anymore. It could just be a coincidence. And that would be bad. Because then me standing here with a stuffed penguin in my hand wouldn’t make much sense at all. Ian’s idea. He said I should answer the message with one of my own. So here I am.
“Hi.”
“Brendan.” He nods at me and then at Aaron. My eyes are dragged to the shirt and I have to bite my tongue to not laugh out loud. It really is ridiculous but cute. Cute. Argh… Wrong thought right now.
“I… Uhm.. Here.”
I just stuck me hand out, like a five-year old handing over a toy to the girl next door. Kill me now please. This is just not how it is supposed to be. I hear Aaron snort. I want to strangle him again, and I am fairly sure I will at some point in the near future. Right now I just stare at the penguin stuck out in front of me and hope he will just take it.
And he does. With the most amazing smile I have ever seen. I was doomed before, but now… Now I am lost. And shoot me again just for sounding so damn cheesy. That is not me.
“Thank you.”
He sounds questioning, curious. Understandable. I would gape at him for at least half an hour. It doesn’t happen every day that your biggest rival gives you stuffed animal. Oh god, where has my common sense gone? Why am I doing that? Aaron pokes me in the back and I nearly crash forward into Kosuke. Oh right. Peirsol. And why doesn’t it scare me to much that I sound like Kitajima at his worst when saying Aaron’s name?
“Oh right. Uhm, I-I thought you liked… Penguins. The shirt? And I thought, well I have enough of them now.” He laughs at that and smiles this smile again. “So yeah… Uhm.”
“So, this means you guys aren’t in a war anymore right? Awesome.” This is Genki and the way Kosuke scowls at him it was the wrong moment to speak. I can’t help but smile and then I shrug.
“What war?”
“Riiight.”
Kosuke smiles at me when one of his coaches calls something and Genki sprints away.
“I.. Sorry. I have to go.”
I am a bit disappointed even thought I am not sure what I expected. I guess this went better than anything I hoped for. This whole situation is strange and I am glad Aaron is here. Otherwise.. I am not sure I would have given away the stuffed pet or said anything to him at all. So yes, even if he annoys the hell out of me and even if all this is his fault I am glad he is here.
“Brendan?”
“Yes.. Oh right. Sure. See.. See ya tomorrow. I guess.”
“I guess so, too.”
I turn ready to bolt and drag Aaron with me to help me digging me own hole in which I can sink and hide when his speaks again.
“Brendan?”
“Yeah?”
“I do like penguins. Good evening, Brendan…. Mr. Peirsol.” He nods again and then he is gone. Vanished around the corner. And I am frozen again. I feel Aaron’s hand on my shoulder but it is not quite enough to get me out of my trance.
“Let’s go Mooney.”
Good idea.
TBC