icebear_cw (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
icebear_cw) wrote2009-10-07 09:08 pm
icebear_cw) wrote2009-10-07 09:08 pm
Entry tags:
Prompts from the table "Paranomral" for spn_30snapshots
03. Paranormal
Title: Tremble
Author![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
the_milky_way
Character(s)/Pairing: Sam Winchester (Sam/Dean)
Theme: 03 Paranormal
Prompt(s): 01 Fear
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kripke and Warner. I don't own anything.
Warnings: Might be spoilery up until 5.03
Summary: There are a lot of things Sam is afraid of, but only one he fears.
Sam has seen fear all his life. In varied forms and manifestations. He has been scared a lot due to those different forms of fear. It’s not like he has gotten used to it but some fears just dull over the years and with their repeated appearance they sort of lost the urgency of being scared.
There will always be this undercurrent of tension, of a deeply rooted respect for things that make him scared or let other people tremble in fear. He would be worried if it weren’t there anymore. It would mean that part of his humanity was gone. And that is a thing he really fears, fears like almost nothing else. No ghost, or ghoul, or demon has that kind of power over him as the fear of not being human anymore has.
But it’s not the only thing he really fears. It’s not the only thing that makes the nightmares he had after Jess’ or Dad’s death seem like nice dreams. It’s not the only fear he knows might eventually destroy him. There is one thing that is far bigger and way scarier than anything else in his life.
Being left behind, being rejected and cut out… by Dean.
Losing his brother, losing his brother’s trust and faith is what Sam fears the most. Experiencing it has made that abundantly clear to him. He never wants to live through that again. Not when it’s only made up by the Trickster, not when it is Dean in Hell with no chance of coming back, not when it is Sam himself that made Dean push him away, close him out of his life.
Never.
This fear is what trumps all others. This fear almost reins his life. Sam doesn’t know what is worse, the fear itself or how he lets the mere concept of something define him that much. He never imagined he would end up like that, dependent on someone, emotionally and maybe even physically.
He fears what will become of him when really, finally cuts him off and out his life. For good this time. He fears what he might do when it comes to this. He fears what he is willing to do to not let this happen.
It scares him to death how much he loves his brother.
It scares him even more that Dean knows his fears, that Dean shares his fears.
***
Title: Nothing else matters
Authorthe_milky_way
Character(s)/Pairing: Sam Winchester (Sam/Dean)
Theme: 03 Paranormal
Prompt(s): 02 Blood
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kripke and Warner. I don't own anything.
Summary: Sam is addicted but it's not the same anymore. Not at all
It isn’t the first time this has happened. It won’t be the last.
It isn’t something that was planned or something he even knew he liked or wanted. He should have known it though, after everything with Ruby and the blood addiction.
He just never even thought about it maybe being some sort of sexual thing for him. It wasn’t want it was about demons and getting stronger, when it was about fighting the apocalypse. It had nothing to do with pleasure and all with pain and fear.
He would have never considered it being mutual either.
It seems to be though.
Dean is softly sucking on his neck and Sam can’t do anything but let him. The bites have been powerful before, now it’s just soothing licks and sucks. Sam can feel the low trickle if blood running down his skin where Dean hasn’t licked it up yet.
This is beyond anything Sam could have ever imagined. Beyond anything he thought he would ever want. But Dean doing this to him, Sam being allowed to do it to Dean is something that somehow became life-defining and it still is no big deal.
They don’t talk about it, they don’t have to.
Sam would have never thought about Dean being the one starting it, wanting to know if he could be an addiction for Sam as well. And it’s not about the blood at all. It’s all about them being together, about them sharing something that is them.
It is actually only about them and nothing else.
Dean’s hand on his cock and Dean’s teeth on his skin drag Sam out of his own head and all he can do is arch his back and moan. Dean tastes of iron, of something salty, of Dean and of Sam himself. It’s the mixture that gets to Sam. It’s this mixture he is addicted to now.
He is addicted to Dean. Not to blood.
***
Title: Ritual
Authorthe_milky_way
Character(s)/Pairing: Sam Winchester
Theme: 03 Paranormal
Prompt(s): 03 Ritual
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kripke and Warner. I don't own anything.
Summary:Just boys on a hunt
“I think this isn’t working.”
“Oh you think so? What gave you the impression? The blue flame instead of the usual yellow one? The way the wind has picked up or the thunder that is rolling without any clouds being near? Oh wait, maybe it is the freaking incarnation that is keeping us locked into a shed and which should have been destroyed by this ritual and not getting stronger. So what is it?”
“Why do you always have to be such a smartass?”
“Because you never listen to me when I tell you not to do certain things.”
“You didn’t say anything this time.”
“I didn’t say… For fuck’s sake Dean! I said “Don’t touch the tree.” What was so hard to understand about that?”
“Uhm, you didn’t say which tree?”
“There is only one. And yes, sliding down against it to sleep counts as touching.”
“I didn’t sleep. I was just resting my eyes, the light hurt.”
“The light of the stars? Nice one Dean. Really.”
“So you think this ritual is busted?”
“Definitely.”
“How about we try the other one?”
“If you can get my hands free and if I can reach the wormwood then I think we can try. It’s not like we have anything better to do, being trapped here and all.”
“Okay, Sammy. Move over, so I can get your hands.”
***
Title: The Monster in my Closet
Authorthe_milky_way
Character(s)/Pairing: Sam Winchester (maybe Sam/Dean implied if you squint)
Theme: 03 Paranormal
Prompt(s): 04 Monster
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kripke and Warner. I don't own anything.
Summary: Sam sees things that shouldn't be there.
Sam knows there shouldn’t be anything to be afraid of. Das is there. Dean is there. And they all know how to get rid of things that shouldn’t exist. He also knows he should tell them, tell them that there is something in his room watching him. He just doesn’t know how to do that because he is pretty sure he is the only one seeing things.
It started with dreams, seeing things and remembering them as feeling real. Then there were a light coming from his closet and even at ten Sam knows how clichéd that is. Dad always says things that hide, hide in places people usually would never look. But then Dad never said the closet isn’t a place for things to hide.
The light turns into flashes, coloured flashes and white light surrounding them. It looks like a rift between the room and the closet and it appears at the time every night. Sam isn’t sure if he is really seeing it or is still dreaming. Sometimes there is a shadow in the light, sometimes he thinks he sees a man looking at him. Sam is pretty sure monsters in the closet don’t look like that but then he never really saw one before. Dad doesn’t take him on hunts.
This is the first time in over a year that Sam has his own room and it figures that something happens to him then. Only nothing really ever happens. He has dreams, sees things he doesn’t understand and has some sort of weird light in his room. He scares him though because he doesn’t know what it is. And Sam doesn’t really know what to do. He doesn’t know if he can talk to Dean about it, because Dean hasn’t really cared for Sam’s dreams in a while. He seems to be happy to finally have his own room again, to be away from Sam.
Dean is a teenager now, hasn’t been hanging around Sam all that much lately and actually tells him that Sam is cramping his style. Sam tries not to be hurt too much by it, tries to tell himself that it is okay, that he has friends at school, too and that he doesn’t need Dean.
One night Dean tells him to fuck off and get out of his room, where Dean was already in bed and Sam has a vague idea what he was doing when Sam stormed in to tell Dean about school. It makes Sam blush and hide from Dean for two whole days. Sam wouldn’t have thought it to be so easy to hide from Dean.
That night he dreams one of the scariest dreams he has ever had. It is filled with images of fire, of pain and hot black and yellow eyes. It has him waking up screaming and looking directly into the flashing light in his closet door. This time the light is different though. This time it is reddish yellow and he can see the man clearly.
He is tall, taller than anyone Sam knows. Taller than Dad even. He is speaking, moving his lips but Sam doesn’t understand a word. There is no voice, no sound. He catches the word brother though. Blinks at the man and just sits there motionless. The man in the light doesn’t look much like a monster now.
When his door crashes open and Dean stands there, eyes wide in panic Sam actually smiles. Because Dean is there. He tells Dean then, about the dreams, about the light and tries to sound all confident and not scared. But Dean figures him out, pulls him close and away from the closet, as far as he can on the narrow bed. Because Dean can see it, too.
Dad so doesn’t. Dad thinks they are playing a prank on him and actually forbids Dean to support Sam’s supposed fantasy. Dean of course doesn’t listen, comes to Sam’s room in the night and holds watch so that Sam can sleep and not worry.
They never mention it. Dean sneaks out of Sam’s room in the morning, sure that everything is okay. Comes back every night after that. They don’t ever tell Dad about it either and a month later they move on. Leave the light blue house in the middle of Kansas behind.
Sam forgets about it soon, the dreams stop but he is closer to his brother again. Dean doesn’t really leave him out of his sight for weeks. Stays close and Sam thinks it’s his way of apologizing. Sam likes that they are talking again.
He remembers the time in the blue house years later, when he and Dean are freshly reunited and on their way to fight the apocalypse. He dreams about it, sees himself as he is now trying to get his younger self and Dean back together again. Dreams about it and doesn’t really figure it out until he tells Dean.
Dean just blinks, smiles and shakes his head.
“Yeah, I guess the guy looked like you.”
***
Title:The things I believe in
Authorthe_milky_way
Character(s)/Pairing: Sam Winchester
Theme: 03 Paranormal
Prompt(s): 05 Prayer
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kripke and Warner. I don't own anything.
Summary: Sam prays
Please let it be over soon. Please let Dad be okay. Please let me get out of here without running into any trouble. Please let Dean be at home. Please let me go through training without fucking up. Please let Dean not find my journal again. Please let me find something to give him for his birthday. Please let them come back. Please let us leave soon. Please let us stay here a while
These are the prayers he sends out through the day. It might even be a day in school in a town he won’t really remember soon anymore. They are easy prayers without much purpose, just to be able to think them makes him concentrate on the important things. He doesn’t think they can be an overuse of prayers anyway, but he saves the important ones for hunts or for things he wants from his heart.
His prayers changed over the years and he is pretty sure they will continue to change. Prayers are something he does on instinct. Unconsciously most of the time. He just thinks them, usually with only the please in there because he doesn’t think God needs to be named or addressed. God hears it anyway if he wants to.
He doesn’t have special times when he prays, he just does it when he needs to. He has given up telling Dad or Dean about it. They don’t believe anymore and Sam has grown tired of defending himself and his routine of asking of higher help.
Sam knows that the things he prays for are mostly unimportant and small but he hopes they are important enough within him to count. Mostly he prays for things that make life better, mostly Dean’s and Dad’s. He knows he will do it as long as he lives. Silently and just for him.
***
Title: I'll be there
Authorthe_milky_way
Character(s)/Pairing: Sam Winchester (Sam/Dean)
Theme: 03 Paranormal
Prompt(s): 06 Haunt
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kripke and Warner. I don't own anything.
Summary: Dean's eyes will always haunt him
The rift between them is haunting him. It’s nothing he can actually grasp and tackled, it’s just there. Hovering and making things awkward. Even more so when there is a real haunting they go after and Sam can only thing of the things, of the unsolved tension haunting them. He almost misses his cue and gets himself beaten pretty good. Dean isn’t amused at all. Dean is pretty pissed actually.
He isn’t loud though, doesn’t really say anything to Sam. He doesn’t growl, doesn’t ask Sam what he thought he was doing, doesn’t blame Sam. Dean is just silent, gets Sam cleaned up and stitched, gets him fed.
Dean’s eyes don’t really leave him that evening, they follow him when he goes into the bathroom, follow him when he gets into bed, haunt him in his dreams when he sees the fear and concern in dream-Dean’s eyes. It’s not so different from the look Dean sends him when they get into the Impala the next morning and Sam winces at the freshly stitched cut that pulls tight on his chest.
Sam didn’t have any painkillers left and Dean had been so quiet that Sam hadn’t dare to disturbed this morning. Secretly he had feared to set Dean of when he admitted pain. Sam feared a lecture about how reckless and stupid he had been in that house and he still has no idea how to explain his lapse at all. He has no idea how to explain to his bother that Sam is missing him even when they are back together, that Sam is still haunted by the things he did when Dean wasn’t there, still haunted by his own guilt. That Sam is haunted by a lot of things he has no real control over anymore.
Sam doesn’t know how to tell Dean that Dean is still the only thing grounding him and that he doesn’t know how to fix things anymore.
The pain spikes around midday and Sam has a hard time holding back gasps each time the car bumps on the road. He thinks he is pretty good at hiding it, slides against the window and pretends to doze. He tries to concentrate on relaxing his muscles, tries to will the pain away and knows that the cut feels infected. Sweat is drenching his hair and shirt by the time the reach the city limits which indicate that they are close to Bobby’s place now. Sam has mantra going “Just through the city and a few more miles. Not long now. Not long at all.”
Dean’s low voice cuts through the silence and it takes Sam a moment to register that Dean actually said something. It was quiet, resigned and full of concern; so unexpected after everything that Sam is surprised by it and ashamed that he is surprised.
“What?”
“I asked if you are okay there. You don’t look so good.”
Sam wants to answer, wants to say something but everything is swimming in front of his eyes and he can’t even breathe properly anymore. He chokes on a breath, reaches out for Dean and just groans low and deep. The pain wins this round.
***
When he comes to the same green eyes full of concern and maybe even a hint of annoyance greet him. He is flat on his back, in a motel room. Sam has no idea how Dean managed to get him there but he is utterly grateful for it.
The pain is dull. Numbing him all over and he can feel the fever running through his body. Sam just knows Dean will be even more pissed now. Dean hates it when Sam tries to be less of a burden and consequently damages himself in the process.
But then he blinks, looks at Dean again and gasps. More out of pain because he tried to turn but also out of surprise because there are tears in Dean’s eyes and such a broken look that Sam just reaches out.
“Dean?” It’s more croaked than spoken but Dean reacts instantly, moves closer and brings his forehead to Sam’s. The skin is cool and Sam groans at how good it feels.
“Sammy. God… you… You didn’t tell me it was that bad. I… you scared me there.”
“I am sorry. Didn’t want to worry you. Too much going on between us.”
Dean’s face is impossible close, eyes solely focused on Sam, so much that Sam goes almost cross-eyed. There is the same look in those green eyes that Sam saw when the ghost almost took him out.
Fear. Fear for Sam, for Sam’s life. Fear of losing Sam.
And Sam just knows this will haunt him forever. This look, that for the first time in months makes him see how much Dean actually cares. still.
“Sammy.” It’s a little choked up but there are no tears, just regret, sorrow and a little hope.
Sam pulls Dean closer, wraps himself around his brothers and forgets about the pain for a while.
“We are good Dean. Again.”
“Yes. Yeah… We are.”
Title: Tremble
Author
the_milky_wayCharacter(s)/Pairing: Sam Winchester (Sam/Dean)
Theme: 03 Paranormal
Prompt(s): 01 Fear
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kripke and Warner. I don't own anything.
Warnings: Might be spoilery up until 5.03
Summary: There are a lot of things Sam is afraid of, but only one he fears.
Sam has seen fear all his life. In varied forms and manifestations. He has been scared a lot due to those different forms of fear. It’s not like he has gotten used to it but some fears just dull over the years and with their repeated appearance they sort of lost the urgency of being scared.
There will always be this undercurrent of tension, of a deeply rooted respect for things that make him scared or let other people tremble in fear. He would be worried if it weren’t there anymore. It would mean that part of his humanity was gone. And that is a thing he really fears, fears like almost nothing else. No ghost, or ghoul, or demon has that kind of power over him as the fear of not being human anymore has.
But it’s not the only thing he really fears. It’s not the only thing that makes the nightmares he had after Jess’ or Dad’s death seem like nice dreams. It’s not the only fear he knows might eventually destroy him. There is one thing that is far bigger and way scarier than anything else in his life.
Being left behind, being rejected and cut out… by Dean.
Losing his brother, losing his brother’s trust and faith is what Sam fears the most. Experiencing it has made that abundantly clear to him. He never wants to live through that again. Not when it’s only made up by the Trickster, not when it is Dean in Hell with no chance of coming back, not when it is Sam himself that made Dean push him away, close him out of his life.
Never.
This fear is what trumps all others. This fear almost reins his life. Sam doesn’t know what is worse, the fear itself or how he lets the mere concept of something define him that much. He never imagined he would end up like that, dependent on someone, emotionally and maybe even physically.
He fears what will become of him when really, finally cuts him off and out his life. For good this time. He fears what he might do when it comes to this. He fears what he is willing to do to not let this happen.
It scares him to death how much he loves his brother.
It scares him even more that Dean knows his fears, that Dean shares his fears.
***
Title: Nothing else matters
Author
the_milky_wayCharacter(s)/Pairing: Sam Winchester (Sam/Dean)
Theme: 03 Paranormal
Prompt(s): 02 Blood
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kripke and Warner. I don't own anything.
Summary: Sam is addicted but it's not the same anymore. Not at all
It isn’t the first time this has happened. It won’t be the last.
It isn’t something that was planned or something he even knew he liked or wanted. He should have known it though, after everything with Ruby and the blood addiction.
He just never even thought about it maybe being some sort of sexual thing for him. It wasn’t want it was about demons and getting stronger, when it was about fighting the apocalypse. It had nothing to do with pleasure and all with pain and fear.
He would have never considered it being mutual either.
It seems to be though.
Dean is softly sucking on his neck and Sam can’t do anything but let him. The bites have been powerful before, now it’s just soothing licks and sucks. Sam can feel the low trickle if blood running down his skin where Dean hasn’t licked it up yet.
This is beyond anything Sam could have ever imagined. Beyond anything he thought he would ever want. But Dean doing this to him, Sam being allowed to do it to Dean is something that somehow became life-defining and it still is no big deal.
They don’t talk about it, they don’t have to.
Sam would have never thought about Dean being the one starting it, wanting to know if he could be an addiction for Sam as well. And it’s not about the blood at all. It’s all about them being together, about them sharing something that is them.
It is actually only about them and nothing else.
Dean’s hand on his cock and Dean’s teeth on his skin drag Sam out of his own head and all he can do is arch his back and moan. Dean tastes of iron, of something salty, of Dean and of Sam himself. It’s the mixture that gets to Sam. It’s this mixture he is addicted to now.
He is addicted to Dean. Not to blood.
***
Title: Ritual
Author
the_milky_wayCharacter(s)/Pairing: Sam Winchester
Theme: 03 Paranormal
Prompt(s): 03 Ritual
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kripke and Warner. I don't own anything.
Summary:Just boys on a hunt
“I think this isn’t working.”
“Oh you think so? What gave you the impression? The blue flame instead of the usual yellow one? The way the wind has picked up or the thunder that is rolling without any clouds being near? Oh wait, maybe it is the freaking incarnation that is keeping us locked into a shed and which should have been destroyed by this ritual and not getting stronger. So what is it?”
“Why do you always have to be such a smartass?”
“Because you never listen to me when I tell you not to do certain things.”
“You didn’t say anything this time.”
“I didn’t say… For fuck’s sake Dean! I said “Don’t touch the tree.” What was so hard to understand about that?”
“Uhm, you didn’t say which tree?”
“There is only one. And yes, sliding down against it to sleep counts as touching.”
“I didn’t sleep. I was just resting my eyes, the light hurt.”
“The light of the stars? Nice one Dean. Really.”
“So you think this ritual is busted?”
“Definitely.”
“How about we try the other one?”
“If you can get my hands free and if I can reach the wormwood then I think we can try. It’s not like we have anything better to do, being trapped here and all.”
“Okay, Sammy. Move over, so I can get your hands.”
***
Title: The Monster in my Closet
Author
the_milky_wayCharacter(s)/Pairing: Sam Winchester (maybe Sam/Dean implied if you squint)
Theme: 03 Paranormal
Prompt(s): 04 Monster
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kripke and Warner. I don't own anything.
Summary: Sam sees things that shouldn't be there.
Sam knows there shouldn’t be anything to be afraid of. Das is there. Dean is there. And they all know how to get rid of things that shouldn’t exist. He also knows he should tell them, tell them that there is something in his room watching him. He just doesn’t know how to do that because he is pretty sure he is the only one seeing things.
It started with dreams, seeing things and remembering them as feeling real. Then there were a light coming from his closet and even at ten Sam knows how clichéd that is. Dad always says things that hide, hide in places people usually would never look. But then Dad never said the closet isn’t a place for things to hide.
The light turns into flashes, coloured flashes and white light surrounding them. It looks like a rift between the room and the closet and it appears at the time every night. Sam isn’t sure if he is really seeing it or is still dreaming. Sometimes there is a shadow in the light, sometimes he thinks he sees a man looking at him. Sam is pretty sure monsters in the closet don’t look like that but then he never really saw one before. Dad doesn’t take him on hunts.
This is the first time in over a year that Sam has his own room and it figures that something happens to him then. Only nothing really ever happens. He has dreams, sees things he doesn’t understand and has some sort of weird light in his room. He scares him though because he doesn’t know what it is. And Sam doesn’t really know what to do. He doesn’t know if he can talk to Dean about it, because Dean hasn’t really cared for Sam’s dreams in a while. He seems to be happy to finally have his own room again, to be away from Sam.
Dean is a teenager now, hasn’t been hanging around Sam all that much lately and actually tells him that Sam is cramping his style. Sam tries not to be hurt too much by it, tries to tell himself that it is okay, that he has friends at school, too and that he doesn’t need Dean.
One night Dean tells him to fuck off and get out of his room, where Dean was already in bed and Sam has a vague idea what he was doing when Sam stormed in to tell Dean about school. It makes Sam blush and hide from Dean for two whole days. Sam wouldn’t have thought it to be so easy to hide from Dean.
That night he dreams one of the scariest dreams he has ever had. It is filled with images of fire, of pain and hot black and yellow eyes. It has him waking up screaming and looking directly into the flashing light in his closet door. This time the light is different though. This time it is reddish yellow and he can see the man clearly.
He is tall, taller than anyone Sam knows. Taller than Dad even. He is speaking, moving his lips but Sam doesn’t understand a word. There is no voice, no sound. He catches the word brother though. Blinks at the man and just sits there motionless. The man in the light doesn’t look much like a monster now.
When his door crashes open and Dean stands there, eyes wide in panic Sam actually smiles. Because Dean is there. He tells Dean then, about the dreams, about the light and tries to sound all confident and not scared. But Dean figures him out, pulls him close and away from the closet, as far as he can on the narrow bed. Because Dean can see it, too.
Dad so doesn’t. Dad thinks they are playing a prank on him and actually forbids Dean to support Sam’s supposed fantasy. Dean of course doesn’t listen, comes to Sam’s room in the night and holds watch so that Sam can sleep and not worry.
They never mention it. Dean sneaks out of Sam’s room in the morning, sure that everything is okay. Comes back every night after that. They don’t ever tell Dad about it either and a month later they move on. Leave the light blue house in the middle of Kansas behind.
Sam forgets about it soon, the dreams stop but he is closer to his brother again. Dean doesn’t really leave him out of his sight for weeks. Stays close and Sam thinks it’s his way of apologizing. Sam likes that they are talking again.
He remembers the time in the blue house years later, when he and Dean are freshly reunited and on their way to fight the apocalypse. He dreams about it, sees himself as he is now trying to get his younger self and Dean back together again. Dreams about it and doesn’t really figure it out until he tells Dean.
Dean just blinks, smiles and shakes his head.
“Yeah, I guess the guy looked like you.”
***
Title:The things I believe in
Author
the_milky_wayCharacter(s)/Pairing: Sam Winchester
Theme: 03 Paranormal
Prompt(s): 05 Prayer
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kripke and Warner. I don't own anything.
Summary: Sam prays
Please let it be over soon. Please let Dad be okay. Please let me get out of here without running into any trouble. Please let Dean be at home. Please let me go through training without fucking up. Please let Dean not find my journal again. Please let me find something to give him for his birthday. Please let them come back. Please let us leave soon. Please let us stay here a while
These are the prayers he sends out through the day. It might even be a day in school in a town he won’t really remember soon anymore. They are easy prayers without much purpose, just to be able to think them makes him concentrate on the important things. He doesn’t think they can be an overuse of prayers anyway, but he saves the important ones for hunts or for things he wants from his heart.
His prayers changed over the years and he is pretty sure they will continue to change. Prayers are something he does on instinct. Unconsciously most of the time. He just thinks them, usually with only the please in there because he doesn’t think God needs to be named or addressed. God hears it anyway if he wants to.
He doesn’t have special times when he prays, he just does it when he needs to. He has given up telling Dad or Dean about it. They don’t believe anymore and Sam has grown tired of defending himself and his routine of asking of higher help.
Sam knows that the things he prays for are mostly unimportant and small but he hopes they are important enough within him to count. Mostly he prays for things that make life better, mostly Dean’s and Dad’s. He knows he will do it as long as he lives. Silently and just for him.
***
Title: I'll be there
Author
the_milky_wayCharacter(s)/Pairing: Sam Winchester (Sam/Dean)
Theme: 03 Paranormal
Prompt(s): 06 Haunt
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Kripke and Warner. I don't own anything.
Summary: Dean's eyes will always haunt him
The rift between them is haunting him. It’s nothing he can actually grasp and tackled, it’s just there. Hovering and making things awkward. Even more so when there is a real haunting they go after and Sam can only thing of the things, of the unsolved tension haunting them. He almost misses his cue and gets himself beaten pretty good. Dean isn’t amused at all. Dean is pretty pissed actually.
He isn’t loud though, doesn’t really say anything to Sam. He doesn’t growl, doesn’t ask Sam what he thought he was doing, doesn’t blame Sam. Dean is just silent, gets Sam cleaned up and stitched, gets him fed.
Dean’s eyes don’t really leave him that evening, they follow him when he goes into the bathroom, follow him when he gets into bed, haunt him in his dreams when he sees the fear and concern in dream-Dean’s eyes. It’s not so different from the look Dean sends him when they get into the Impala the next morning and Sam winces at the freshly stitched cut that pulls tight on his chest.
Sam didn’t have any painkillers left and Dean had been so quiet that Sam hadn’t dare to disturbed this morning. Secretly he had feared to set Dean of when he admitted pain. Sam feared a lecture about how reckless and stupid he had been in that house and he still has no idea how to explain his lapse at all. He has no idea how to explain to his bother that Sam is missing him even when they are back together, that Sam is still haunted by the things he did when Dean wasn’t there, still haunted by his own guilt. That Sam is haunted by a lot of things he has no real control over anymore.
Sam doesn’t know how to tell Dean that Dean is still the only thing grounding him and that he doesn’t know how to fix things anymore.
The pain spikes around midday and Sam has a hard time holding back gasps each time the car bumps on the road. He thinks he is pretty good at hiding it, slides against the window and pretends to doze. He tries to concentrate on relaxing his muscles, tries to will the pain away and knows that the cut feels infected. Sweat is drenching his hair and shirt by the time the reach the city limits which indicate that they are close to Bobby’s place now. Sam has mantra going “Just through the city and a few more miles. Not long now. Not long at all.”
Dean’s low voice cuts through the silence and it takes Sam a moment to register that Dean actually said something. It was quiet, resigned and full of concern; so unexpected after everything that Sam is surprised by it and ashamed that he is surprised.
“What?”
“I asked if you are okay there. You don’t look so good.”
Sam wants to answer, wants to say something but everything is swimming in front of his eyes and he can’t even breathe properly anymore. He chokes on a breath, reaches out for Dean and just groans low and deep. The pain wins this round.
***
When he comes to the same green eyes full of concern and maybe even a hint of annoyance greet him. He is flat on his back, in a motel room. Sam has no idea how Dean managed to get him there but he is utterly grateful for it.
The pain is dull. Numbing him all over and he can feel the fever running through his body. Sam just knows Dean will be even more pissed now. Dean hates it when Sam tries to be less of a burden and consequently damages himself in the process.
But then he blinks, looks at Dean again and gasps. More out of pain because he tried to turn but also out of surprise because there are tears in Dean’s eyes and such a broken look that Sam just reaches out.
“Dean?” It’s more croaked than spoken but Dean reacts instantly, moves closer and brings his forehead to Sam’s. The skin is cool and Sam groans at how good it feels.
“Sammy. God… you… You didn’t tell me it was that bad. I… you scared me there.”
“I am sorry. Didn’t want to worry you. Too much going on between us.”
Dean’s face is impossible close, eyes solely focused on Sam, so much that Sam goes almost cross-eyed. There is the same look in those green eyes that Sam saw when the ghost almost took him out.
Fear. Fear for Sam, for Sam’s life. Fear of losing Sam.
And Sam just knows this will haunt him forever. This look, that for the first time in months makes him see how much Dean actually cares. still.
“Sammy.” It’s a little choked up but there are no tears, just regret, sorrow and a little hope.
Sam pulls Dean closer, wraps himself around his brothers and forgets about the pain for a while.
“We are good Dean. Again.”
“Yes. Yeah… We are.”