icebear_cw (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
icebear_cw) wrote2008-12-07 11:07 pm
icebear_cw) wrote2008-12-07 11:07 pm
Entry tags:
FIC: "4 times Kimi gave Fernando relationship advice and one time Fernando returned the favour." F1,
Fic title: "4 times Kimi gave Fernando relationship advice and one time Fernando returned the favour."
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
icebear_cw
Genre: F1 RPS
Pairing: Fernando/OFC, Fernando/OMC, Fernando/Raquel, Fernando/Lewis, Kimi/Sebastian
Rating:PG-13
Word Count: ~ 5.500
Beta: Thank you so muchparka_girl, all remaining faults are mine
Disclaimer: This story is fictional (not real, didn't happen). Not true in any way. I don't own anything.
Notes:
This is forslippery_fish, who wanted
1.
The first time it happens, Fernando doesn’t even realise he's getting relationship advice. He doesn’t figure it out until years later, when he thinks back on his past relationships.
He's so occupied with the engine, the kart and the races during the kart world championships, that he doesn’t socialise much. There simply isn’t enough time and Fernando doesn’t think he needs to do it all anyway. And really, there aren’t many people around he wants to get to know.
So when there's an unscheduled break in proceedings due to technical difficulties, Fernando is momentarily clueless about how to spend the sudden free time. He tries to help modify the kart and to get things into order, but they actually throw him out and tell him to go mingle and relax. For a second, he thinks he should feel offended, but then he realises they're probably right. And, really, a break has never hurt anyone anyway.
The vip area is packed with people, a lot of them using the break to get food and drinks and to introduce themselves to sponsors, team bosses and managers of other racing series.
Fernando moves through the crowd, not sure where to go or what he wants to do. He finds a bench close to the track, but still a little way off the main circus and plops down. He doesn’t know how long he sits there just watching and taking things in.
It takes Fernando a little while to realise he's been staring at the same girl for almost ten minutes. She seems to belong to one of the other teams, a team boss’ daughter probably, or maybe even a driver herself. Girls aren't that uncommon in the kart sport.
She looks good, probably his type and Fernando has to grin a little, because he only recently discovered his type, though sometimes he still isn’t sure. He’s just a teenager, after all. But brown hair and brown eyes have always made him melt a little.
Movement next to him brings him out of his own head. For a second, he worries the girl might be gone, but she's still there, talking to some mechanic and smiling slightly. Fernando decides he likes the smile. Likes it a lot.
When he turns his head to look what startled him, he comes face to face with another boy. Blond, blue eyed and one of the kart drivers that might be a threat to him. He doesn’t know his name, or, more likely, he probably knew but forgot it already. It’s not like he needs to know names in a series like this one, the faces change almost every race.
Blond guy has his eyebrows raised, a slight smirk tugging at his lips and there's something close to amusement present in his extremely blue eyes. The guy looks friendly enough, though.
Close to his age and not overly interested in starting conversation, which is all good with Fernando because he chose this place to have peace and quiet, at least for a while.
The girl is still there when his eyes dart back to the spot where he'd seen her last. This time, though, she's looking back and Fernando doesn’t really know what to do so he ducks his head and tries not to blush. So much for coming across as cool and suave.
There is a snort from his right side, followed by a slight chuckle. Fernando is confused and annoyed at the same time. He glares and thinks it actually seems to work, if only for a second, before a real grin spreads across the guy’s face.
And even Fernando has to admit that the grin makes the guy look like a ten-year-old boy instead of the teenager he must be. It throws Fernando, more than he wants to admit, and the guy kind of makes him feel better, even if he is mocking him.
Then there are words spoken, words in a language that leaves Fernando even more confused and has him blinking kind of owlishly. The grin doesn’t falter, though, so Fernando guesses the guy is used to people not talking his language.
“He wants you to … go and talk. To girl there.”
Fernando jumps. Honestly jumps where he's sitting, because he hadn’t even seen the other boy. That one looks younger, but blond and blue eyed as well. He doesn’t look like a driver, doesn’t have the outfit on, but has some kind of wristband identifying him as a guest.
His own English just good enough to understand what the new boy is saying.
“Talk? To the girl?”
He is aware of how shy he sounds, how young. But that’s not his main concern right now. Because if he got it right, then he is being set up by two foreign boys who obviously know each other but whom he doesn’t know. Not to mention the fact that he doesn’t know the girl either.
The younger boy nods. Makes a shooing motion toward him and in to the direction of the girl. The guy sitting next to Fernando laughs out loud, but does the same motion as well. He nods at Fernando and just says “talk her” in heavily accented words. Pats Fernando on the back and almost pushes him toward the girl, who's watching them with amusement.
Before he knows it, Fernando is standing next to her, talking to her and finding out that she's Spanish. He is insanely grateful for not having to rely on badly taught foreign languages and smiles at her hugely. The two blond boys forgotten as he falls head first into the first relationship of his young life.
***
2.
The second time it happens, Fernando knows what it is and actually follows the advice, even if it makes him feel like a stupid teenager again. It’s one of those inter-series social meet ups where people set up new contracts, scout and meet new or potential drivers and where important things are usually decided.
He hates those meet ups. Hates to feel like a piece of meat on the market. He knows his worth and he doesn’t need to socialise to tell everyone about it. He's fine with showing it on the track, in the car and through other actions. And so far, it had been enough. He's so close to pinching an F1 seat that he doesn’t even try to talk to other team bosses or owners. As far as he's concerned, he’ll be driving in F1 next year.
But socialising isn’t his problem now anyway, his problem is that his girlfriend kind of went MIA and that he has no idea where she vanished to or how to get her back. Not that he'd particularly minded being on his own, this way he could glance over to the other side of the room from time to time. But, really, he thinks it isn’t nice to just leave him standing there all on his own when they'd had a deal.
“She went with one of the team owners. Ten minutes ago.”
Fernando isn’t overly surprised to come face to face with a blond, blue eyed guy when he turns his head slightly. This time he even knows his name and how old the guy is. He knows which team the other one drives for and in which series he battles for the title. What Fernando still isn’t prepared for is the amused smirk the guy sends him. All of it feels like some kind of déja vu from some years ago.
“She did?”
Kimi Raikkönen just nods at him, a small movement, almost non-existent. Face blank, eyes fixed on the room and Kimi looks bored. Fernando has learned that this is the default expression whenever there are official meetings, get-togethers or other things not connected to the personal pleasure or free time.
Fernando tries not to smile, tries to keep cool and calm, because he knows how much Kimi always tries to get a rise out of others just for the sole purpose of making his own boredom more bearable. The last five years and countless encounters have taught him that much.
“So, I guess you don’t need you ever present translator anymore, huh? Have you learned that not everyone understands your babble?”
That gets Fernando an outright laugh, complete with thrown back head and a sparkle within blue eyes. And all Fernando can do is smile. It's amusing to watch, he can admit that much. He still doesn’t know what to think of the other man.
“Maybe, yes. I am older now. Boss wanted me to listen what he says. I had to learn. So did you … sounds good.”
Fernando shrugs and takes a sip from his almost too warm water. "Are you listening, then?”
“Sometimes. When I know what he wants.”
Fernando smiles again, because yes, that’s what they all do. They try to get along with the team, try to listen to the things that make sense and then they all try to understand languages they've never spoken before; and that’s not only attached to the linguistic part either.
“Where is Heikki then?”
“Busy, being a kart champ.”
“Of course.”
They both smile. It always comes back to the same things, to the same ways of getting to the best parts of life.
They stand there for a while, not talking, not looking at each other, not really doing anything. They are just there, available for everyone who might want something. They exist within the room, within the mass of people they both don’t know all that well.
Fernando knows he is bad at hiding things, knows that it might be a bit too obvious, even though he is trying not to be. He also knows that Kimi can be very perceptive if he wants to be. And it seems like tonight he wants to be.
“Good to know your taste in men comes close to the taste you have in women. Dark haired, browned-eyed. And there I was, all those years never letting hope die. Then you go and shatter my heart with choosing the total opposite. How mean.”
This might be the longest sentence Kimi has ever spoken, at least to him, without interruption and Fernando would have commented on it if he hadn’t been busy choking on his water. The bastard always waits until someone's taking a sip. Always.
“You … ass. How often do I have to tell you not to do that?”
“What? Comment on your taste?”
“Well, that too. Not in public anyway. And really, since when are we friendly enough to be commenting on that anyway?”
“Have been doing it every time we met. Don’t need to be friends to do it. And did you not listen? I thought my enormous crush on you was obvious.”
Kimi’s face is blank again and Fernando hates that he can’t get anything from it. He hates that he never really knows if Kimi is for real or not. He never knows if it’s a joke or if the Finn actually means what he's saying.
The second he sees the twitch of lip and the slight turn of head, Fernando knows he's been had. He's just glad that he knows things about Kimi as well. Not that either of them would use this kind of knowledge. Ever.
He follows Kimi’s eyes across the room where one of the other Formula 3000 driver is leaning casually against one of the door frames talking to a wife of some higher up team engineer. Fernando shudders. It’s so not a good idea to do that here and to do it in a sport like his, but it’s also something he has learned to hide and only let out when he is sure about the risks. Mostly though, it’s not worth it.
“Go. Go and have fun with him before you jump him in front of everyone. Might spice everything up, but it wouldn’t be good for your career ... or his.”
Fernando stares. He doesn’t know what’s up with Kimi and it kind of makes him nervous.
“What’s with you and talking today? Never heard you say this much.”
“Just had a good day. And this stuff is great.”
Kimi just raises his glass, grins all wide and happy, and the thing is, Fernando believes him, if only because the smile and happiness reach his eyes.
Before he can say anything else, Kimi has grabbed his shoulders, has him turned and pushed into the direction his eyes have been straying to all evening. There might be a pattern developing where Kimi pushes him into directions he shouldn’t be heading. It’s not like Fernando minds it much. At least not yet.
Kimi walks with him across half the room, pats his back and is about to let go when he leans closer for a fraction.
“Our tradition now, huh? Me giving you relationship advice. Have fun." He pauses, then. "See you next year.”
The smile that greets Fernando when he reaches the door frame, after Kimi's long gone into the crowd, tells him that he will have fun. Fun and maybe a night where he won’t have to ponder about the injustices and insecurities of the social circles he is moving in.
***
3.
After the second time, Fernando doesn’t even think about it anymore. He finds Kimi slumped over one of the tables somewhere between the Renault and McLaren motorhomes. Kimi looks tired, unmotivated and kind of angry.
Shoulders tense, eyes pinched and hands clenched around a cup which probably once held coffee. Kimi is as bad about coffee as he is about his favourite kind of non-youth-free drinks. It’s been an image Fernando has gotten used to during the last six months or so. He doesn’t like it.
He doesn’t like it because of what it means for both Kimi and himself. Because Kimi’s tenseness and unhappiness is connected to his team, his life within the team and maybe a little to their inability to live with each other for much longer.
Heikki called it a process of separating, had equaled it to a divorce just yesterday and right now Fernando is tempted to agree. Wholeheartedly.
It’s not like Kimi to sit and mope, but that’s what he's been doing for -- Fernando doesn't even know anymore. And if those are signs of what’s going on, he'd rather not know what it means for his future. He's looking forward to next year and he doesn’t really want to think about things not working out.
“Hey.” He sits down next Kimi, places his own coffee on the table and pretends to look into the crowds moving past them and the motorhomes.
“Hey. Checking out the new team? Is it official now?”
“Not yet. But I heard you have signed the contract. Guess we won’t be team mates after all.”
“Awwww … don’t cry, Nando. It’s gonna be okay. Your new teammate might actually be someone you like.”
Fernando laughs, shakes his head and looks at Kimi. He still looks tired, angry but somehow a little more relaxed than just a minute ago. This is familiar. This is what they do and Fernando can handle that better than a moping Finn who can be surprisingly sarcastic and biting despite his easy going nature. And really, Fernando would rather not be at the receiving end of it.
“I actually like my current teammate, thank you.”
“Well, we’ll see next season how much you’ll like your new one, then.”
It’s cryptic, even for Kimi, and Fernando can’t help but raise an eyebrow at that. It sounds like Kimi knows more than he does. And, when Fernando thinks about it, Kimi probably does, given the rumours about McLaren’s new line-up. It just doesn’t seem like Kimi is willing to share and Fernando doesn’t know how he should feel about that.
“I wouldn’t have minded you as teammate, though. I just think that this team … me and the team ... it’s not working anymore … and I don’t know what to tell you. I could warn you, but that wouldn’t be right. Just be careful I guess…. I just ... I have to try and see what I can do somewhere else. Getting close is not the same as being champion. You should know that.”
“Yeah. I do. I get it. No need to explain, Kimi.”
It’s Kimi who smiles now, relaxing more and more, which is a good sign in Fernando’s book. Whatever happened before he sat down isn’t important anymore. He's about to say something about next season and how it might be going when arms sling around him from behind and he's pulled into a fierce hug.
Wet lips smack on his cheek, long smooth dark hair is fanning out over his face and slender fingers are tickling his sides. He chuckles, turns his head and kisses back. Warmth floods him and he is pretty sure that he is blushing. This kind of happiness is new to him. He hasn’t had that before, even though he thinks he has been in love more than once.
But Raquel is different. There is something about her that is completely beyond his comprehension. Sometimes he doesn’t even know what to say to her or what to feel around her; she is like whirlwind and she usually takes his feelings and emotions along for the ride.
She is gone as fast as she appeared, and as usual, leaving Fernando kind of flustered and looking for words. Kimi’s low laugh brings him back to reality. He can’t help the grin that spreads over his face. He doesn’t want to.
“You should marry her.”
“Are we back to this again?”
“Huh?”
“The relationship advice tradition?”
“Oh … Well, I haven’t done that in a while. And was I ever wrong about it?”
“No. Not yet.”
“See? So listen to me.”
“Yeah. Maybe I should.”
“She is very understanding. And I think you’ll need it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Kimi’s small smile doesn’t bode well for him, but Fernando doesn’t get an answer until almost two years later and then he won’t even try to ask how Kimi already knew back then. And Fernando won’t try to analyze how Kimi knows his friends that well. It will just be like that and Fernando will have gotten used to having a close friend even without him doing much for it.
He doesn’t get an answer, though, because Heikki flops down at their table and immediately begins to chatter about the newest gossip. Kimi rolls his eyes and Fernando laughs, because it’s always like that lately. It feels like a circle is closing and Fernando kind of likes it.
***
4.
It’s not a year to remember, but then it sort of is. There have been so many things, so many unexpected occasions and opportunities that he is sure stuff has stuck in his memory and will always be there for him to look back on.
It was more successful than he would have expected. It was and still is a year that defined his life, in more aspects than he thought it would.
It’s not really over yet, even though it is. The championship is decided, has been for about an hour now and he still has to find his way to the garage to say his congratulations.
He doesn’t even mind it today. He is genuinely happy and he is kind of proud as well. Of Lewis and of himself for actually having reached a point where he can block out everything but Lewis. It has been a long journey and Fernando is pretty sure it hasn’t reached the conclusion yet. Too many things have happened and have yet to happen.
“You're mooning again.”
He actually jumps, cursing the other man for the millionth time since they've known each other.
“I hate when you creep up like that.”
“I know. That’s why I do it. What's the fun in warning you?”
He just grunts because it's not worth any response. The laugh he gets for his troubles should make him grumpy, but it doesn’t. Not today. Today, Kimi can try and rile him up as much as he wants to, it won’t work.
“You paid your respects yet?”
“You make it sound like a duty I have to fulfill.”
“And you sound like you actually want to go and cuddle him to death. Oh wait, wrong choice of words … maybe cuddle him into oblivion?”
Kimi smiles, secretive and kind of happy. Fernando has given up on trying to figure out what exactly it is that makes the Finn so happy, especially in this situation, because in the end it’s always been Kimi showing him the right direction. At least when it came to his love life.
And to this day, Fernando has not figured out how Kimi does it. How he always knows who the right person for him -- for everyone, really, and who would match with whom best. He's not only doing it for Fernando, but basically everyone he considers close and a good friend. It’s still a mystery and Fernando is pretty sure it will always be one. Kimi is not exactly the most talkative individual on this planet.
“You know I can’t do that. We aren’t … not like that. Not … with everything.”
“But then you should go now and really do it. Because this might be your only chance. Your chance to actually bury the past and get him. He wants you, that’s for sure. The hero worship he still has going on ... It’s so obvious, it's not even funny anymore. Poor guy.”
“Poor guy? He just became F1 World Champion and you say poor guy. Come on Kimster, what have you smoked this time?”
Every time it happens, Fernando is amazed how infectious Kimi’s laughter can be, this is one of those times and Fernando finds that he's grinning. Kimi looks happier than he has during the last half of the season, or at least as happy as he is these days without Sebastian being around.
“You know I said Raquel would understand it, right?”
“She does. She … wants me happy and I … I do love her. But I can’t just ... It’s not right. Not to her and not to him.”
“I know that. She knows that. And Lewis knows that as well, there is a reason why he didn’t do anything. There's also a reason why he looks crushed every time she's around because you don’t talk to him.”
“What are you saying?”
“I am saying that you should at least talk to him about it. And I am saying that your dear wife is looking forward to a threesome maybe because she has the same taste you do. And I am telling you that she won’t mind it much if you take off with Lewis for a while because she knows what it means and what it doesn’t. It could work and it couldn’t. You'll never know that until you try it.”
Kimi has managed it again, he's rendered Fernando completely speechless. The gleeful spark in his eyes suggests that this was exactly what he'd been aiming to do. Sometimes Fernando hates him.
Fernando blinks, shakes himself and laughs a little. This is really kind of surreal. Not at all what he had expected and he isn’t really sure if he can hold back once he is close to Lewis. Because that’s what they'd been doing all year, or well maybe during the past two years.
“How do you know all this? How?”
“Well, women talk. I listen. I am good at listening. And Raquel is great. And I was right to tell you to marry her. She has her own life and I think she won’t let you go. Even if you aren’t there. Take the chance. At least talk to him. It might actually be worth it.”
Heikki barrels past them, stops, barrels back and grabs Kimi, shouts at Fernando they’ll see him later and they're gone before anyone can say anything else. Kimi and Heikki vanish in the crowd of people that seems to thicken with every second Fernando doesn’t move.
Raquel stands behind him. He doesn’t have to turn to know that. The slender hand rests on his shoulder, unmoving for a second and then pushes him forward. Just slightly but still noticeable. He can imagine her smile, small but knowing, a little sad as well but not for him, more for the situation and the things gone wrong so far.
He does not deserve a wife like Raquel. Probably as much as Kimi deserves Jenni, because they are both not the perfect husbands they should be. A lot of the time, Fernando feels guilty about it, feels like he is losing something of himself. At least until Raquel hits him over the head and tells him to stop being an idiot and that she only wants him to be happy.
Yeah, he doesn’t deserve her, she deserves better. Because the second he listens to Kimi he knows it won’t just be a hug and a congratulatory slap on the back and he thinks it shouldn’t be so easy for him to smile and walk across the paddock to silently slip into the McLaren garage.
It shouldn’t be easy at all. But it is. And in the end, Lewis' smile is worth it. It’s worth everything. Whatever happens after isn’t important the second the smile crosses Lewis' face. Nothing really is. And Fernando wonders how Kimi knew it all along, wonders how he will ever be able to let go of Lewis again.
And then he wonders why he always listens to Kimi anyway.
***
5.
It’s kind of ironic that the one time Fernando sees Kimi in the weeks that masquerade as vacation but actually have developed into some kind of trip through Europe to please several sponsors, as well as family and friends, it’s during some kind of official meeting no one really knows about. At least they are in Geneva and he didn’t have to drive all that far to attend.
But the thing that makes Fernando stop and actually look at what’s going on, is the fact that Kimi is acting like some kind of headless chicken and Fernando has never seen that before.
He's witnessed a lot of Kimi’s weird behaviour over the years, but nothing has ever been this out of character or hilarious before. It’s mean and he knows it, but he can’t help feeling gleeful about a Kimi Raikkönen that isn’t the cool headed, soft spoken, controlled man he always tries to be.
He corners Kimi when the event is halfway over and they don’t need to hang around or pretend to be available any longer. Fernando actually has to blink at the sight in front of him when they the reach the terrace that sprawls over the lake.
Kimi is pacing. Honest to God pacing is going on and all Fernando can do is bite his lip so he doesn’t crack up. Because this? This is just not happening.
“What is it?`”
“Huh?”
“Well, what’s up with you? You pace, you space out during official functions, you don’t drink to loosen up. You haven’t once asked me what’s going on in my love life and you glance at your cell phone every five seconds. So what’s up?”
“Uh …”
It has to be something big, because Kimi never gets tongue tied when nothing's going on. He usually doesn’t say all that much and keeps the speeches for non-public circumstances and away from reporters, but this is a little extreme even for him.
“Kimi?”
Kimi is leaning over the stone railing, looking down onto the water and if it wasn’t so dark already, Fernando might have actually believed his eyes and might have laughed at Kimi’s slight blush. But the way it is, he thinks it’s too dark to see anything properly and he lets it go.
Then the other man mumbles something under his breath and Fernando only catches half of it. But that half is enough to have him laughing and gaping in equal parts.
“Come again?”
“I hate you. I said, my parents want to meet Sebastian and that I might have thought about inviting him to come over after Christmas and maybe New Years. And I have no fucking clue what I should do and what’s going on.”
Fernando laughs, and laughs, and laughs some more. Because in all the years that Kimi gave him advice and actually managed to somewhat make sense of Fernando’s chaotic love life, the Finn never managed to do that same with his own relationships.
It’s just a too good a situation to let it pass and not mock. The hurt look in Kimi’s eyes stops him immediately, though. Because, yeah, even Fernando isn’t that cruel.
“Sorry. Sorry, Kimster. So what do you want to do?”
“Really?”
Fernando nods because he wants to know, wants to hear it to make sense of it and actually be able to help Kimi.
“I want to snatch him before my parents ever have a chance of meeting him. I want to lock us up in my house. I just want to curl up with him and not come out for a while. Just have the time and get to know him more, have him for myself without anybody waiting to get a piece of us. “
“Why do your parents want to meet him anyway?”
“Because Jenni bragged about my new best friend and how cute and cool he is. My parents want to know who he is and I kind of don’t want them to. Because it feels … not.. It’s big and I don’t know … They wouldn’t get it. I think. I don’t know. I am scared that they’d take a look at us and know … It’s not fair. For him. For Jenni.”
“Jenni?”
“Oh, she loves him. Says it’s way better than any nameless slut I would have hooked up with at parties. And really, I haven’t done that in years. Not since before the wedding.”
And yes, Fernando knows all about that as well. Drunken Finns can be very entertaining when the observer is sober and collecting blackmail material. Though they long ago agreed on destroying said material.
“So she's okay with it?”
“I guess?” The shrug accompanying the answer seems so innocent that Fernando is instantly reminded of the young teenager he met at the kart world champs all those years ago. Kimi looks about ten, innocent, scared and hopelessly lost in feelings he cannot fathom or understand.
“She is kind of like Raquel in some ways. That’s why I knew Raquel would understand. She reminded me of Jenni.”
Fernando nods when Kimi looks at him, because he gets it now. Gets why they are both so damn lucky. The thing he doesn’t get is how they ever got so lucky in the first place. They sure as hell don’t deserve it.
He watches Kimi and thinks that this really is big. He's never seen Kimi act like this, and he thinks he's figured Kimi out. He really gets it and he doesn’t have to see the look in Kimi’s eyes to understand perfectly. Life is strange, and Fernando would have never thought that Kimi would be the one with a life so similar to his own. They are so unalike that a possibility of it happening was close to non-existent.
“Yeah. So? You are … with Sebastian?”
“Yes, I am.”
It’s easy to see it now, to see what has been happening in front of his eyes during the last year and he isn’t as surprised as he maybe should have been. Not surprised at all, if he's honest with himself. He'd seen it coming. He is just surprised that Kimi hadn’t. Because Kimi actually seems to be rather clueless about what he is supposed to do now.
Fernando doesn’t even think about what to tell him, there isn’t any other way it could go.
“So call him and tell him that you want him at your house after Christmas. Tell him your parents will be coming with you from Finland and prepare him for it. With Jenni being there, it should be okay. He has his place here, so you could probably hide there if things get to be too much. Or I could maybe … let you stay at my place. You know, away from it all.”
“Where will you be?”
“Home. In Spain. And maybe here ... for a while.”
“Here as in Switzerland or here as in Geneva.”
“What do you think?”
Kimi snorts, less nervous now, less shaken. “Ah ... okay. So the big champion will join the lower ranks to celebrate New Years, then. I would have though daddy dearest would ship him off to LA to show him around with the girlfriend.”
“Nah. He protested. She protested. All is good.”
At that, Kimi laughs even more.
Fernando just smiles. Things seem weirdly okay, even if they're more chaotic than ever.
Author:
icebear_cwGenre: F1 RPS
Pairing: Fernando/OFC, Fernando/OMC, Fernando/Raquel, Fernando/Lewis, Kimi/Sebastian
Rating:PG-13
Word Count: ~ 5.500
Beta: Thank you so much
parka_girl, all remaining faults are mineDisclaimer: This story is fictional (not real, didn't happen). Not true in any way. I don't own anything.
Notes:
This is for
slippery_fish, who wanted 1.
The first time it happens, Fernando doesn’t even realise he's getting relationship advice. He doesn’t figure it out until years later, when he thinks back on his past relationships.
He's so occupied with the engine, the kart and the races during the kart world championships, that he doesn’t socialise much. There simply isn’t enough time and Fernando doesn’t think he needs to do it all anyway. And really, there aren’t many people around he wants to get to know.
So when there's an unscheduled break in proceedings due to technical difficulties, Fernando is momentarily clueless about how to spend the sudden free time. He tries to help modify the kart and to get things into order, but they actually throw him out and tell him to go mingle and relax. For a second, he thinks he should feel offended, but then he realises they're probably right. And, really, a break has never hurt anyone anyway.
The vip area is packed with people, a lot of them using the break to get food and drinks and to introduce themselves to sponsors, team bosses and managers of other racing series.
Fernando moves through the crowd, not sure where to go or what he wants to do. He finds a bench close to the track, but still a little way off the main circus and plops down. He doesn’t know how long he sits there just watching and taking things in.
It takes Fernando a little while to realise he's been staring at the same girl for almost ten minutes. She seems to belong to one of the other teams, a team boss’ daughter probably, or maybe even a driver herself. Girls aren't that uncommon in the kart sport.
She looks good, probably his type and Fernando has to grin a little, because he only recently discovered his type, though sometimes he still isn’t sure. He’s just a teenager, after all. But brown hair and brown eyes have always made him melt a little.
Movement next to him brings him out of his own head. For a second, he worries the girl might be gone, but she's still there, talking to some mechanic and smiling slightly. Fernando decides he likes the smile. Likes it a lot.
When he turns his head to look what startled him, he comes face to face with another boy. Blond, blue eyed and one of the kart drivers that might be a threat to him. He doesn’t know his name, or, more likely, he probably knew but forgot it already. It’s not like he needs to know names in a series like this one, the faces change almost every race.
Blond guy has his eyebrows raised, a slight smirk tugging at his lips and there's something close to amusement present in his extremely blue eyes. The guy looks friendly enough, though.
Close to his age and not overly interested in starting conversation, which is all good with Fernando because he chose this place to have peace and quiet, at least for a while.
The girl is still there when his eyes dart back to the spot where he'd seen her last. This time, though, she's looking back and Fernando doesn’t really know what to do so he ducks his head and tries not to blush. So much for coming across as cool and suave.
There is a snort from his right side, followed by a slight chuckle. Fernando is confused and annoyed at the same time. He glares and thinks it actually seems to work, if only for a second, before a real grin spreads across the guy’s face.
And even Fernando has to admit that the grin makes the guy look like a ten-year-old boy instead of the teenager he must be. It throws Fernando, more than he wants to admit, and the guy kind of makes him feel better, even if he is mocking him.
Then there are words spoken, words in a language that leaves Fernando even more confused and has him blinking kind of owlishly. The grin doesn’t falter, though, so Fernando guesses the guy is used to people not talking his language.
“He wants you to … go and talk. To girl there.”
Fernando jumps. Honestly jumps where he's sitting, because he hadn’t even seen the other boy. That one looks younger, but blond and blue eyed as well. He doesn’t look like a driver, doesn’t have the outfit on, but has some kind of wristband identifying him as a guest.
His own English just good enough to understand what the new boy is saying.
“Talk? To the girl?”
He is aware of how shy he sounds, how young. But that’s not his main concern right now. Because if he got it right, then he is being set up by two foreign boys who obviously know each other but whom he doesn’t know. Not to mention the fact that he doesn’t know the girl either.
The younger boy nods. Makes a shooing motion toward him and in to the direction of the girl. The guy sitting next to Fernando laughs out loud, but does the same motion as well. He nods at Fernando and just says “talk her” in heavily accented words. Pats Fernando on the back and almost pushes him toward the girl, who's watching them with amusement.
Before he knows it, Fernando is standing next to her, talking to her and finding out that she's Spanish. He is insanely grateful for not having to rely on badly taught foreign languages and smiles at her hugely. The two blond boys forgotten as he falls head first into the first relationship of his young life.
***
2.
The second time it happens, Fernando knows what it is and actually follows the advice, even if it makes him feel like a stupid teenager again. It’s one of those inter-series social meet ups where people set up new contracts, scout and meet new or potential drivers and where important things are usually decided.
He hates those meet ups. Hates to feel like a piece of meat on the market. He knows his worth and he doesn’t need to socialise to tell everyone about it. He's fine with showing it on the track, in the car and through other actions. And so far, it had been enough. He's so close to pinching an F1 seat that he doesn’t even try to talk to other team bosses or owners. As far as he's concerned, he’ll be driving in F1 next year.
But socialising isn’t his problem now anyway, his problem is that his girlfriend kind of went MIA and that he has no idea where she vanished to or how to get her back. Not that he'd particularly minded being on his own, this way he could glance over to the other side of the room from time to time. But, really, he thinks it isn’t nice to just leave him standing there all on his own when they'd had a deal.
“She went with one of the team owners. Ten minutes ago.”
Fernando isn’t overly surprised to come face to face with a blond, blue eyed guy when he turns his head slightly. This time he even knows his name and how old the guy is. He knows which team the other one drives for and in which series he battles for the title. What Fernando still isn’t prepared for is the amused smirk the guy sends him. All of it feels like some kind of déja vu from some years ago.
“She did?”
Kimi Raikkönen just nods at him, a small movement, almost non-existent. Face blank, eyes fixed on the room and Kimi looks bored. Fernando has learned that this is the default expression whenever there are official meetings, get-togethers or other things not connected to the personal pleasure or free time.
Fernando tries not to smile, tries to keep cool and calm, because he knows how much Kimi always tries to get a rise out of others just for the sole purpose of making his own boredom more bearable. The last five years and countless encounters have taught him that much.
“So, I guess you don’t need you ever present translator anymore, huh? Have you learned that not everyone understands your babble?”
That gets Fernando an outright laugh, complete with thrown back head and a sparkle within blue eyes. And all Fernando can do is smile. It's amusing to watch, he can admit that much. He still doesn’t know what to think of the other man.
“Maybe, yes. I am older now. Boss wanted me to listen what he says. I had to learn. So did you … sounds good.”
Fernando shrugs and takes a sip from his almost too warm water. "Are you listening, then?”
“Sometimes. When I know what he wants.”
Fernando smiles again, because yes, that’s what they all do. They try to get along with the team, try to listen to the things that make sense and then they all try to understand languages they've never spoken before; and that’s not only attached to the linguistic part either.
“Where is Heikki then?”
“Busy, being a kart champ.”
“Of course.”
They both smile. It always comes back to the same things, to the same ways of getting to the best parts of life.
They stand there for a while, not talking, not looking at each other, not really doing anything. They are just there, available for everyone who might want something. They exist within the room, within the mass of people they both don’t know all that well.
Fernando knows he is bad at hiding things, knows that it might be a bit too obvious, even though he is trying not to be. He also knows that Kimi can be very perceptive if he wants to be. And it seems like tonight he wants to be.
“Good to know your taste in men comes close to the taste you have in women. Dark haired, browned-eyed. And there I was, all those years never letting hope die. Then you go and shatter my heart with choosing the total opposite. How mean.”
This might be the longest sentence Kimi has ever spoken, at least to him, without interruption and Fernando would have commented on it if he hadn’t been busy choking on his water. The bastard always waits until someone's taking a sip. Always.
“You … ass. How often do I have to tell you not to do that?”
“What? Comment on your taste?”
“Well, that too. Not in public anyway. And really, since when are we friendly enough to be commenting on that anyway?”
“Have been doing it every time we met. Don’t need to be friends to do it. And did you not listen? I thought my enormous crush on you was obvious.”
Kimi’s face is blank again and Fernando hates that he can’t get anything from it. He hates that he never really knows if Kimi is for real or not. He never knows if it’s a joke or if the Finn actually means what he's saying.
The second he sees the twitch of lip and the slight turn of head, Fernando knows he's been had. He's just glad that he knows things about Kimi as well. Not that either of them would use this kind of knowledge. Ever.
He follows Kimi’s eyes across the room where one of the other Formula 3000 driver is leaning casually against one of the door frames talking to a wife of some higher up team engineer. Fernando shudders. It’s so not a good idea to do that here and to do it in a sport like his, but it’s also something he has learned to hide and only let out when he is sure about the risks. Mostly though, it’s not worth it.
“Go. Go and have fun with him before you jump him in front of everyone. Might spice everything up, but it wouldn’t be good for your career ... or his.”
Fernando stares. He doesn’t know what’s up with Kimi and it kind of makes him nervous.
“What’s with you and talking today? Never heard you say this much.”
“Just had a good day. And this stuff is great.”
Kimi just raises his glass, grins all wide and happy, and the thing is, Fernando believes him, if only because the smile and happiness reach his eyes.
Before he can say anything else, Kimi has grabbed his shoulders, has him turned and pushed into the direction his eyes have been straying to all evening. There might be a pattern developing where Kimi pushes him into directions he shouldn’t be heading. It’s not like Fernando minds it much. At least not yet.
Kimi walks with him across half the room, pats his back and is about to let go when he leans closer for a fraction.
“Our tradition now, huh? Me giving you relationship advice. Have fun." He pauses, then. "See you next year.”
The smile that greets Fernando when he reaches the door frame, after Kimi's long gone into the crowd, tells him that he will have fun. Fun and maybe a night where he won’t have to ponder about the injustices and insecurities of the social circles he is moving in.
***
3.
After the second time, Fernando doesn’t even think about it anymore. He finds Kimi slumped over one of the tables somewhere between the Renault and McLaren motorhomes. Kimi looks tired, unmotivated and kind of angry.
Shoulders tense, eyes pinched and hands clenched around a cup which probably once held coffee. Kimi is as bad about coffee as he is about his favourite kind of non-youth-free drinks. It’s been an image Fernando has gotten used to during the last six months or so. He doesn’t like it.
He doesn’t like it because of what it means for both Kimi and himself. Because Kimi’s tenseness and unhappiness is connected to his team, his life within the team and maybe a little to their inability to live with each other for much longer.
Heikki called it a process of separating, had equaled it to a divorce just yesterday and right now Fernando is tempted to agree. Wholeheartedly.
It’s not like Kimi to sit and mope, but that’s what he's been doing for -- Fernando doesn't even know anymore. And if those are signs of what’s going on, he'd rather not know what it means for his future. He's looking forward to next year and he doesn’t really want to think about things not working out.
“Hey.” He sits down next Kimi, places his own coffee on the table and pretends to look into the crowds moving past them and the motorhomes.
“Hey. Checking out the new team? Is it official now?”
“Not yet. But I heard you have signed the contract. Guess we won’t be team mates after all.”
“Awwww … don’t cry, Nando. It’s gonna be okay. Your new teammate might actually be someone you like.”
Fernando laughs, shakes his head and looks at Kimi. He still looks tired, angry but somehow a little more relaxed than just a minute ago. This is familiar. This is what they do and Fernando can handle that better than a moping Finn who can be surprisingly sarcastic and biting despite his easy going nature. And really, Fernando would rather not be at the receiving end of it.
“I actually like my current teammate, thank you.”
“Well, we’ll see next season how much you’ll like your new one, then.”
It’s cryptic, even for Kimi, and Fernando can’t help but raise an eyebrow at that. It sounds like Kimi knows more than he does. And, when Fernando thinks about it, Kimi probably does, given the rumours about McLaren’s new line-up. It just doesn’t seem like Kimi is willing to share and Fernando doesn’t know how he should feel about that.
“I wouldn’t have minded you as teammate, though. I just think that this team … me and the team ... it’s not working anymore … and I don’t know what to tell you. I could warn you, but that wouldn’t be right. Just be careful I guess…. I just ... I have to try and see what I can do somewhere else. Getting close is not the same as being champion. You should know that.”
“Yeah. I do. I get it. No need to explain, Kimi.”
It’s Kimi who smiles now, relaxing more and more, which is a good sign in Fernando’s book. Whatever happened before he sat down isn’t important anymore. He's about to say something about next season and how it might be going when arms sling around him from behind and he's pulled into a fierce hug.
Wet lips smack on his cheek, long smooth dark hair is fanning out over his face and slender fingers are tickling his sides. He chuckles, turns his head and kisses back. Warmth floods him and he is pretty sure that he is blushing. This kind of happiness is new to him. He hasn’t had that before, even though he thinks he has been in love more than once.
But Raquel is different. There is something about her that is completely beyond his comprehension. Sometimes he doesn’t even know what to say to her or what to feel around her; she is like whirlwind and she usually takes his feelings and emotions along for the ride.
She is gone as fast as she appeared, and as usual, leaving Fernando kind of flustered and looking for words. Kimi’s low laugh brings him back to reality. He can’t help the grin that spreads over his face. He doesn’t want to.
“You should marry her.”
“Are we back to this again?”
“Huh?”
“The relationship advice tradition?”
“Oh … Well, I haven’t done that in a while. And was I ever wrong about it?”
“No. Not yet.”
“See? So listen to me.”
“Yeah. Maybe I should.”
“She is very understanding. And I think you’ll need it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Kimi’s small smile doesn’t bode well for him, but Fernando doesn’t get an answer until almost two years later and then he won’t even try to ask how Kimi already knew back then. And Fernando won’t try to analyze how Kimi knows his friends that well. It will just be like that and Fernando will have gotten used to having a close friend even without him doing much for it.
He doesn’t get an answer, though, because Heikki flops down at their table and immediately begins to chatter about the newest gossip. Kimi rolls his eyes and Fernando laughs, because it’s always like that lately. It feels like a circle is closing and Fernando kind of likes it.
***
4.
It’s not a year to remember, but then it sort of is. There have been so many things, so many unexpected occasions and opportunities that he is sure stuff has stuck in his memory and will always be there for him to look back on.
It was more successful than he would have expected. It was and still is a year that defined his life, in more aspects than he thought it would.
It’s not really over yet, even though it is. The championship is decided, has been for about an hour now and he still has to find his way to the garage to say his congratulations.
He doesn’t even mind it today. He is genuinely happy and he is kind of proud as well. Of Lewis and of himself for actually having reached a point where he can block out everything but Lewis. It has been a long journey and Fernando is pretty sure it hasn’t reached the conclusion yet. Too many things have happened and have yet to happen.
“You're mooning again.”
He actually jumps, cursing the other man for the millionth time since they've known each other.
“I hate when you creep up like that.”
“I know. That’s why I do it. What's the fun in warning you?”
He just grunts because it's not worth any response. The laugh he gets for his troubles should make him grumpy, but it doesn’t. Not today. Today, Kimi can try and rile him up as much as he wants to, it won’t work.
“You paid your respects yet?”
“You make it sound like a duty I have to fulfill.”
“And you sound like you actually want to go and cuddle him to death. Oh wait, wrong choice of words … maybe cuddle him into oblivion?”
Kimi smiles, secretive and kind of happy. Fernando has given up on trying to figure out what exactly it is that makes the Finn so happy, especially in this situation, because in the end it’s always been Kimi showing him the right direction. At least when it came to his love life.
And to this day, Fernando has not figured out how Kimi does it. How he always knows who the right person for him -- for everyone, really, and who would match with whom best. He's not only doing it for Fernando, but basically everyone he considers close and a good friend. It’s still a mystery and Fernando is pretty sure it will always be one. Kimi is not exactly the most talkative individual on this planet.
“You know I can’t do that. We aren’t … not like that. Not … with everything.”
“But then you should go now and really do it. Because this might be your only chance. Your chance to actually bury the past and get him. He wants you, that’s for sure. The hero worship he still has going on ... It’s so obvious, it's not even funny anymore. Poor guy.”
“Poor guy? He just became F1 World Champion and you say poor guy. Come on Kimster, what have you smoked this time?”
Every time it happens, Fernando is amazed how infectious Kimi’s laughter can be, this is one of those times and Fernando finds that he's grinning. Kimi looks happier than he has during the last half of the season, or at least as happy as he is these days without Sebastian being around.
“You know I said Raquel would understand it, right?”
“She does. She … wants me happy and I … I do love her. But I can’t just ... It’s not right. Not to her and not to him.”
“I know that. She knows that. And Lewis knows that as well, there is a reason why he didn’t do anything. There's also a reason why he looks crushed every time she's around because you don’t talk to him.”
“What are you saying?”
“I am saying that you should at least talk to him about it. And I am saying that your dear wife is looking forward to a threesome maybe because she has the same taste you do. And I am telling you that she won’t mind it much if you take off with Lewis for a while because she knows what it means and what it doesn’t. It could work and it couldn’t. You'll never know that until you try it.”
Kimi has managed it again, he's rendered Fernando completely speechless. The gleeful spark in his eyes suggests that this was exactly what he'd been aiming to do. Sometimes Fernando hates him.
Fernando blinks, shakes himself and laughs a little. This is really kind of surreal. Not at all what he had expected and he isn’t really sure if he can hold back once he is close to Lewis. Because that’s what they'd been doing all year, or well maybe during the past two years.
“How do you know all this? How?”
“Well, women talk. I listen. I am good at listening. And Raquel is great. And I was right to tell you to marry her. She has her own life and I think she won’t let you go. Even if you aren’t there. Take the chance. At least talk to him. It might actually be worth it.”
Heikki barrels past them, stops, barrels back and grabs Kimi, shouts at Fernando they’ll see him later and they're gone before anyone can say anything else. Kimi and Heikki vanish in the crowd of people that seems to thicken with every second Fernando doesn’t move.
Raquel stands behind him. He doesn’t have to turn to know that. The slender hand rests on his shoulder, unmoving for a second and then pushes him forward. Just slightly but still noticeable. He can imagine her smile, small but knowing, a little sad as well but not for him, more for the situation and the things gone wrong so far.
He does not deserve a wife like Raquel. Probably as much as Kimi deserves Jenni, because they are both not the perfect husbands they should be. A lot of the time, Fernando feels guilty about it, feels like he is losing something of himself. At least until Raquel hits him over the head and tells him to stop being an idiot and that she only wants him to be happy.
Yeah, he doesn’t deserve her, she deserves better. Because the second he listens to Kimi he knows it won’t just be a hug and a congratulatory slap on the back and he thinks it shouldn’t be so easy for him to smile and walk across the paddock to silently slip into the McLaren garage.
It shouldn’t be easy at all. But it is. And in the end, Lewis' smile is worth it. It’s worth everything. Whatever happens after isn’t important the second the smile crosses Lewis' face. Nothing really is. And Fernando wonders how Kimi knew it all along, wonders how he will ever be able to let go of Lewis again.
And then he wonders why he always listens to Kimi anyway.
***
5.
It’s kind of ironic that the one time Fernando sees Kimi in the weeks that masquerade as vacation but actually have developed into some kind of trip through Europe to please several sponsors, as well as family and friends, it’s during some kind of official meeting no one really knows about. At least they are in Geneva and he didn’t have to drive all that far to attend.
But the thing that makes Fernando stop and actually look at what’s going on, is the fact that Kimi is acting like some kind of headless chicken and Fernando has never seen that before.
He's witnessed a lot of Kimi’s weird behaviour over the years, but nothing has ever been this out of character or hilarious before. It’s mean and he knows it, but he can’t help feeling gleeful about a Kimi Raikkönen that isn’t the cool headed, soft spoken, controlled man he always tries to be.
He corners Kimi when the event is halfway over and they don’t need to hang around or pretend to be available any longer. Fernando actually has to blink at the sight in front of him when they the reach the terrace that sprawls over the lake.
Kimi is pacing. Honest to God pacing is going on and all Fernando can do is bite his lip so he doesn’t crack up. Because this? This is just not happening.
“What is it?`”
“Huh?”
“Well, what’s up with you? You pace, you space out during official functions, you don’t drink to loosen up. You haven’t once asked me what’s going on in my love life and you glance at your cell phone every five seconds. So what’s up?”
“Uh …”
It has to be something big, because Kimi never gets tongue tied when nothing's going on. He usually doesn’t say all that much and keeps the speeches for non-public circumstances and away from reporters, but this is a little extreme even for him.
“Kimi?”
Kimi is leaning over the stone railing, looking down onto the water and if it wasn’t so dark already, Fernando might have actually believed his eyes and might have laughed at Kimi’s slight blush. But the way it is, he thinks it’s too dark to see anything properly and he lets it go.
Then the other man mumbles something under his breath and Fernando only catches half of it. But that half is enough to have him laughing and gaping in equal parts.
“Come again?”
“I hate you. I said, my parents want to meet Sebastian and that I might have thought about inviting him to come over after Christmas and maybe New Years. And I have no fucking clue what I should do and what’s going on.”
Fernando laughs, and laughs, and laughs some more. Because in all the years that Kimi gave him advice and actually managed to somewhat make sense of Fernando’s chaotic love life, the Finn never managed to do that same with his own relationships.
It’s just a too good a situation to let it pass and not mock. The hurt look in Kimi’s eyes stops him immediately, though. Because, yeah, even Fernando isn’t that cruel.
“Sorry. Sorry, Kimster. So what do you want to do?”
“Really?”
Fernando nods because he wants to know, wants to hear it to make sense of it and actually be able to help Kimi.
“I want to snatch him before my parents ever have a chance of meeting him. I want to lock us up in my house. I just want to curl up with him and not come out for a while. Just have the time and get to know him more, have him for myself without anybody waiting to get a piece of us. “
“Why do your parents want to meet him anyway?”
“Because Jenni bragged about my new best friend and how cute and cool he is. My parents want to know who he is and I kind of don’t want them to. Because it feels … not.. It’s big and I don’t know … They wouldn’t get it. I think. I don’t know. I am scared that they’d take a look at us and know … It’s not fair. For him. For Jenni.”
“Jenni?”
“Oh, she loves him. Says it’s way better than any nameless slut I would have hooked up with at parties. And really, I haven’t done that in years. Not since before the wedding.”
And yes, Fernando knows all about that as well. Drunken Finns can be very entertaining when the observer is sober and collecting blackmail material. Though they long ago agreed on destroying said material.
“So she's okay with it?”
“I guess?” The shrug accompanying the answer seems so innocent that Fernando is instantly reminded of the young teenager he met at the kart world champs all those years ago. Kimi looks about ten, innocent, scared and hopelessly lost in feelings he cannot fathom or understand.
“She is kind of like Raquel in some ways. That’s why I knew Raquel would understand. She reminded me of Jenni.”
Fernando nods when Kimi looks at him, because he gets it now. Gets why they are both so damn lucky. The thing he doesn’t get is how they ever got so lucky in the first place. They sure as hell don’t deserve it.
He watches Kimi and thinks that this really is big. He's never seen Kimi act like this, and he thinks he's figured Kimi out. He really gets it and he doesn’t have to see the look in Kimi’s eyes to understand perfectly. Life is strange, and Fernando would have never thought that Kimi would be the one with a life so similar to his own. They are so unalike that a possibility of it happening was close to non-existent.
“Yeah. So? You are … with Sebastian?”
“Yes, I am.”
It’s easy to see it now, to see what has been happening in front of his eyes during the last year and he isn’t as surprised as he maybe should have been. Not surprised at all, if he's honest with himself. He'd seen it coming. He is just surprised that Kimi hadn’t. Because Kimi actually seems to be rather clueless about what he is supposed to do now.
Fernando doesn’t even think about what to tell him, there isn’t any other way it could go.
“So call him and tell him that you want him at your house after Christmas. Tell him your parents will be coming with you from Finland and prepare him for it. With Jenni being there, it should be okay. He has his place here, so you could probably hide there if things get to be too much. Or I could maybe … let you stay at my place. You know, away from it all.”
“Where will you be?”
“Home. In Spain. And maybe here ... for a while.”
“Here as in Switzerland or here as in Geneva.”
“What do you think?”
Kimi snorts, less nervous now, less shaken. “Ah ... okay. So the big champion will join the lower ranks to celebrate New Years, then. I would have though daddy dearest would ship him off to LA to show him around with the girlfriend.”
“Nah. He protested. She protested. All is good.”
At that, Kimi laughs even more.
Fernando just smiles. Things seem weirdly okay, even if they're more chaotic than ever.