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Soft white sands, a blue lagoon,
Jared and Jensen spend the next few weeks exploring what it is that’s developing between them. Neither one speaks of a relationship just yet. They are cautious, taking things slow and yet still somehow ending up tangled and sweaty more often than not.
It’s exhilarating, exciting and one of the best times in Jared’s life. It might actually take the place of those summers he spent here when he was younger. Because now he’s allowed to openly drool and be hopelessly in love with the person who just might actually be the man of his dreams.
Sandy snickers at him more than she ever did before. What Jared still doesn’t get is why the weird looks haven’t stopped yet. He still gets no answers, and even Kristen looks at him kind of strangely now. She’s usually hidden away in the kitchen and he hasn’t had much to do with her, but now she looks and squints and stares like she is waiting for something to happen.
Jared really wants to know what’s up with that and why everyone doesn’t seem to be all that enthusiastic about his relationship with Jensen anymore. The answer presents itself during the last week of his supposed one season stay. It arrives in the form of Sandy bouncing towards the evening buffet and an ice cold can of red tea.
Later, Jared will know what the manic glint in Sandy’s eyes meant, but right now he’s just confused and thinks Sandy’s eaten too many of those little yellow fruit things they love so much on the island.
“Look, Jay! Tea!”
There is a loud crash behind him and Jared only manages to jump out of the way a second before half a food tray comes skidding to his feet. At the same moment, Sandy comes bouncing along with a huge carafe of red tea, beaming like madwoman and Jared really doesn’t like the glint in her eyes.
Was that planned? And since when does Sandy love tea so much that she has to announce it to the whole staff?
Jared turns to make sure that whoever almost scalded him with the super-hot mango soup, now steaming lonely on the floor next him, is alright. He isn’t expecting it to be Jensen, though. Jensen, who stands there, face a deep shade of red and just staring.
For a second, Jared thinks Jensen is going to have stroke or something. The other man is trembling, if only slightly, but Jared can see it nonetheless.
“Jen? Jensen? You okay?”
“Yeah ... I just ... saw ... I ... JT?”
“What? No, Sandy was just showing me tea. Huh? No one has called me that in years.”
“You ... you’re..?”
“Jensen?”
“What is this? A joke? What is going on really? I mean, I know something was up with everyone acting so strange and the looks and all that, but I never thought you’d be in on it. Was it fun knowing I had no idea?”
Jensen is rambling on about things Jared has no idea how to answer. He actually hasn’t a clue what Jensen’s talking about, so he just stands there and stares. He has to admit that Jensen being all riled up and ranting is kind of hot. Really hot, even.
He catches Steve’s eye across Jensen’s shoulder and knows his thoughts aren’t as hidden as maybe they should be. Steve’s smirk tells him that the other man knows exactly what Jared is thinking. Not that Jared minds it that much, not after the conversation they had a few weeks ago.
Jared wonders if he zoned out for a second, because when he tunes back into Jensen’s rant, Chris is there, trying to get a word in. At first it seems as if Jensen is ignoring him, but then Jared realises that Jensen has finally stopped talking after the fourth time Chris shouted his name.
Jared sees Jensen blink, then take a deep breath and turn to Chris.
“What?”
“Uhm Jen… He has no idea.”
“Again ... what?”
“Jared has no idea. He’s as clueless as you’ve been this whole time.”
“Come again?”
“Dude! Listen to me already. How often do I have to repeat it? Read my lips. Jared. Has. No. Idea. That you are his long lost love and the love of his life. I mean, of course, he knows you are the love of his life since he fell for you all over again, but he still didn’t realise that you’re the boy he fell for all those years ago. So you were ranting at the wrong guy.”
Jared swears it was so quiet he could hear a pin drop. He always has this uncontrollable urge to snicker in situations like these and right now he really hopes he can suppress it. He doesn’t want to come across as even more of a dork than everyone already thinks he is.
No one says anything, though, even if they’re all is staring. It takes him a second to realise that they are staring at him. Even Jensen is.
Huh?
Jared isn’t sure what he must look like, but he doesn’t care because Chris’s words are sinking in. Slowly but surely, they are settling. And really, what could he say anyway? Not that he wanted Jensen to know all that. It’s way too early to talk about it. And even if it’s true, there’s still no reason to blurt it out like that. But then again, that isn’t the main problem now anyway.
Jared is rooted to the spot. Because suddenly he gets it. Because Jensen is ... Jensen is JR? And Jensen knows now how Jared feels about him? Jensen knows! Jensen is JR! It’s just a bit too much to take in.
And then Jared isn’t rooted to the spot anymore. He's running down the planks towards the beach. Towards the point where he'd seen Jensen for the first time, where they sat countless times over the last few months. He hears the shouts, hears his name but doesn’t care. Not now. He is barely aware of where he's running and he thinks someone's following him.
He doesn’t even know why he's running. He knows he should have stayed there, should have talked to Jensen. But he can't, it's just all too much. Too much to take in, to talk about; too much to even think about. He needs the time and the space.
Time is a concept he's never really grasped, so he doesn’t know how long, or even how far, he ran. Eventually he flops down on the sand and just buries his head in his hands. This can't be happening. Okay, it can, but he’d never thought it would. He'd never really believed that he would actually find JR – no, Jensen. Even if this place was the most likely one to try and look for him.
“Jay?”
Okay, so someone did follow him and is now dropping down right next to him. Really close to him. Jared doesn’t need to look up to know who it is. He knows the voice, knows the scent and he knows that other than Sandy, no one but Jensen would actually try to follow him.
“Too much to take in?”
Jared snorts. Yeah, he thinks, you could say that. He doesn’t trust his voice. He actually doesn’t trust himself as a whole, he feels like either laughing hysterically or breaking down in tears due to the sheer ridiculousness of the whole situation. And, really, he doesn't need Jensen to witness either of those. So, instead of answering, he just nods and hopes Jensen will take the hint.
Of course, Jensen does get the hint but chooses to ignore it, like Jared figured he would.
“Jay?”
“Huh?”
“Look at me.”
There isn’t even a reason to resist anymore. Jensen is there and Jared is pretty sure his embarrassment is clearly written on his face and skin anyway.
He looks up and the first thing he sees is not the smirk or the pity he had expected from Jensen, but a bracelet made out of shells dangled in front of his face.
His eyes fixate in the object for a few seconds before he realises what it is. When his brain catches up to his eyes, his head snaps up. Jensen is there, smiling softly, even looking almost relieved.
“You kept it?”
“You kept the chain.”
“Yeah.. I… had to.”
“See. I had to keep the bracelet. You made it. And as stupid as it sounds, it was kind of the only thing that connected me to you. I didn’t even know your full name.”
Jared laughs then. Because yes, if they had known, everything might have been a little less difficult and dramatic. Jared blinks, he still can’t quite get a hold of things or of the fact that he has actually found his JR. After all this time he found him, and he's really gotten him.
“Me either. Your name, I mean. I didn’t. I really didn’t. If I had, I would… I don’t know. I just.. I would have said something.”
“I know and I am sorry I flipped out earlier. Sandy calling you and seeing the chain around your neck, I noticed it before… I thought it was familiar, but I thought I was stupid thinking it. I thought I knew you already, have known you all my life. But I always thought it couldn’t be. I mean, how small was the chance that it was really you? Those chains exist all over the world. I should have asked though, because I knew you were here as a kid. Sandy told me. “
“It was broken. The chain. Steve fixed it last night. I usually wear it all the time.”
“I know you do. I feel honoured.”
Jared only nods because there is a lump in his throat. He doesn’t know what to say or how to explain things to Jensen. He doesn’t know how to tell Jensen that those three summers when they were teenagers shaped him in more ways than he had known. Jared doesn’t know how to say that Jensen kind of spoiled him for any other relationship he ever had. He just really doesn’t know how to say any of it.
So, he decides, he'll just show Jensen. He drags him close and crashes their lips together. He has been craving Jensen since the first time they kissed and now he knows why. It hadn’t been the first time at all. It had been familiar and good and just them.
They kiss for a long time. Kiss to calm down, to come to terms with everything. In their own heads first, so they don’t talk, just sit there curled together, looking out to the ocean and the stars. Jared feels Jensen’s arms come around him and it feels good. Really good.
The sigh directly next to his ear indicates that they are even closer now. He doesn't know what to do, how to react. Suddenly he feels the warm sand again, sees the stars clearer and just knows that is were he wants to be. This is the right place. He closes his eyes and sinks deeper into the embrace. He needs to be really close right now. He needs to feel.
“You okay?” Jensen sounds concerned and Jared knows he has been quiet for too long.
He nods, eyes still closed, on the edge of falling asleep. The slow music drifting over isn’t helping him stay awake. The heat and warmth of the body behind him lulls him into a daze. The steady rise and fall of the chest he is propped up against, the hand moving in slow circles on his belly, all that seems so normal, so right.
Everything else that happened slips back, fades into the background and Jared feels like he might be able to deal now. It doesn’t seem to be such a huge thing anymore and he's glad that Jensen followed him. But that’s just too much to think about, so he pushes it all back, way back into a corner of his mind. Later, there'd be time to think and talk. Not right now.
And then he destroys it all by saying: “I've been in love with you since that last summer.”
A hitched breath and he knows Jensen is thinking the same. Jared doesn’t even know why he says it. Doesn’t really think he would ever find the courage to actually do it. And really, his timing sucks.
“Yeah, I know… Me, too.”
Jared knows Jensen understands and again he can only nod. Because this whole situation is so damn surreal that it's actually starting to make sense. They sit on the sand, watch the ocean, the stars and nothing more.
He sits back slightly, looks at Jensen and suddenly asks himself where his decision not to think tonight has gone off to. He smiles and gets one in return – a genuine one. Jensen’s hand wanders from his shoulder up into his hair and he has to sigh. It feels good. Almost too good, too distracting.
“What’s up, Jared?”
“Just wondering…..”
“About what?”
“We need to talk.”
“I know.” The hand goes back to combing though his hair and he closes his eyes again. “Just not tonight.”
Jared actually agrees with that. Right now, all Jared can think about is Jensen, his hands on him. He doesn’t know when it happened, but Jensen’s hands are under his shirt now. It’s going fast, faster than he would have expected and, considering the situation they’re in, Jared doesn’t really know if this is the right way to deal with things.
But then, this is Jensen. Jensen pushing him back down into the sand, down onto his back before settling on top of him. Jared needs this right now. Needs to be anchored, grounded and he needs to feel Jensen being there with him, being close.
It’s his whole world, his whole focus. They wriggle around, grind into each other which causes similar groans and finally ends up with Jensen almost on top of Jared, lips still pressed to skin, hands working on buttons and zipper.
Pants and boxers around his ankles, Jared feels the cool sand against his heated skin, making him moan deep in his throat. Gripping onto Jared’s hip, Jensen just smiles against his skin, lips moving sure, steady and driving Jared close to the edge. Jensen licks slowly along the skin, leaving small bruises along his thigh while nosing the fine hairs as he moves upwards.
Jared feels lips working higher, reaching the hip, tracing the bone and then moving in closer until Jensen’s nose is rubbing against the base of Jared’s cock. It shocks a groan out of him when Jensen’s lips finally descend on him. He’s being kept on the edge and he knows it. It’s all slow and sensual, it’s what he needs. He loves Jensen even more for knowing it.
The anticipation is killing him until it isn’t anymore, until everything crashes down and he is floating.
A whole night’s holiday!
When he wakes up, he’s curled around another body and he feels warm despite the slight chill that has moved in from the ocean. He notices the blanket around them. So someone actually found them during the night. He feels sated and calm.
He feels the urge to call Chad and say “Ha Ha” to him. But he doesn’t want to destroy the atmosphere and he thinks he’ll have to deal with Chad soon enough anyway.
Dawn is about to break, Jared thinks it will be another beautiful summer day on the island. He never wants to leave again. He doesn’t believe in fate or destiny and he doesn’t think that this is more than just a series of coincidences. Instead, it’s about chances being taken and not taken and he’s romantic enough to admit that this makes a good love story.
Jensen moves behind him and Jared can feel the smile pressed against the back of his neck. He wants to wake up like this every morning.
“Then do that.”
“Okay.”
So saying things out loud isn’t such a bad concept after all. He knows he just agreed to stay with Jensen, at least for as long as Jensen wants him; and mostly likely for as long as Jensen wants to stay.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Now that I have found you, I won’t let you go again. You know that, right?”
“Sure, JT, I know. I’ve ruined every other man for you.”
“Actually… you have.”
“Dammit…”
Jensen shifts him around and Jared's met with wide green eyes and a look of total surprise. It surprises him so much that he laughs. Because really, it's a funny look on Jensen's face.
There isn’t much to say after that, so Jared just moves up and drags Jensen down at the same time. They kiss and lick and roll around in the sand, giggling like little boys and just feeling free for the first time in weeks. He will stay and he knows Jensen is just as happy as he is.
They get the whole story out during the last week of the main season. There's only one married couple and a couple of young lovers left as guests and both of the couples were on an overnight trip to another island.
When everyone is sitting under the roof of Club Tropicana, Jensen just blurts out that he and Jared have known each other for a long time.
The silence that follows is scary, even scarier is the sight of six people breaking down in raucous laughter. Jared and Jensen just sit there, trying not to look confused.
It’s Chris who gets himself under control first and tells them the whole story, explains the weird looks and eventually, everything else. He tells them about how he and Sandy redecorated Jensen’s office last year and found the portrait he always tries to hide in the top desk drawer. He actually shows how Sandy was bouncing and squealing when she realised that it was the same photo Jared kept on his bedside table.
At that point, Mike starts into a tirade about how utterly gay for each other they already were back then and that it isn’t such a wonder that they can’t keep their hands off each other now. Jared blushes and Jensen just kind of spews his drink all over the floor. They try not to look at each other too much, which doesn’t really work and makes them both blush even harder.
After Tom whacks Mike over the head, Chris and Steve go on retelling the story of the day they came up with the plan to actually try and get Jared and Jensen together again. Sandy bitches about how hard it was to convince Jared to come and work here. Which causes Jensen to mock sniffle, and that, in turn, earns him a kiss from Jared.
It actually takes them almost all night to tell the entire story, mostly due to interruptions -- tirades from Mike, cocktails served by Tom, songs played by Chris and Steve. Plus, Sandy and Kristen cooing at Jared and Jensen, and of course, due to Jared and Jensen sometimes wandering off to the beach just get away and take everything in or even to stop their uncontrollable laughter.
In the end, Jared knows that the looks were actually their friends waiting on them to figure it out and nothing more. He knows that Sandy, Chris and Steve actually had a grand scheme going on and that Jared and Jensen destroyed it by hooking up before they could set it into motion.
Jared likes that Jensen knows the whole story. That he understands why Jared's family didn't come back after those three summers. But even more, he appreciates that Jensen was and is sad about it, but even so, he won't blame Jared.
Ten years ago, it didn't occur to either of them to exchange phone numbers or addresses. They'd always assumed they'd just see each other the next year. Then Jared had to go and get sick, ending all their plans abruptly -- even before they'd began.
In the end, Jared knows that he might have found the best friends on earth and it only takes him a second to decide if he wants them to meet Chad. If they survived Mike, they’ll be able to survive Chad.
Jensen just declares them all insane and adds, after being dowsed in fruity cocktails, that he still loves them all, and Jared most of all. They eventually leave the Club Tropicana to cat calls and shouts, but they don’t hear any of it because they're too engrossed in each other.
Cool, cool, cool, cool
Jared knows he shouldn’t be this satisfied, shouldn’t be this happy. He's leaving everything and everywhere he's ever called home. He's leaving his family and friends, but he can’t manage to feel sad about it. He just can’t. The dogs are already safely stowed away in their carriers and Jared worries only briefly about them. He knows it will come back once they’re all on the plane, and he really hopes nothing will happen to them.
He never thought he would settle anywhere else but Texas. He still can’t really believe it’s all happening. Jensen is talking to Jared’s mom, probably reassuring her that he'll take good care of her son and that, of course, they will always be welcome on the island.
Even Chad got that invitation when they met up again after the summer season was over and Jensen could actually take time off to go and get Jared, to take him home. Jared still doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve such an awesome boyfriend.
Jensen’s hand on his back startles him out of his own thoughts and Jared realises that he'd completely zoned out. His mother smiles at him, hugs the life out of him and hands him over to his father. Jared can barely entangle himself from his family when their flight is called.
His stomach drops and he doesn’t know if he is ready for this. If he's ready for really leaving everything behind. Jensen seems to sense his hesitation; he links their fingers together and turns toward him.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to do it, you know. We can stay here. It’s alright. I know it’s huge and I know you're a family man, so it would be okay to stay here. Really.”
Jared can only stare. What did he do to deserve this man? What could he possibly do to make it up to him, to show Jensen how much he means to him? He pulls Jensen close and kisses him. Deeply and slow. There is no battle for dominance nor is it anything sexual. It’s a kiss to convey feelings and Jared prays that it works.
“I love you. I really do and right now, I can’t even show you how much.”
This time it’s Jensen turn to be stunned speechless. He just stands in Jared’s arms and looks at him. Two small rosy spots appear on his cheeks and his eyes glisten suspiciously. Jared will tease him about it for all eternity, but not now.
“I... yeah… Okay. I love you, too.”
“I am ready. Are you?”
“Really?”
“Yes, Jen. Really. I'm coming with you. This is our island.”
Jared smiles at his family when they wave goodbye. He smiles and waves back until they are through the safety control and inside the duty free zone. Then he drags Jensen into the men’s room and finds a better way to spend the time until boarding.
